I nodded. “And a recording device. Or binoculars.”
I knew my daughter was giving me a sideways look, but I refused to tear my gaze away. How could I? The shirtless man tinkering with his motorcycle was a sight to behold. His muscled chest was unlike anything I had seen before, and it was covered in tattoos. Obviously I couldn’t make out the tattoos, which was why I needed binoculars. Well, maybe it wasn’t the tattoos I wanted a closer look at; maybe it was the six pack and the little v that was visible thanks to low riding jeans.
“How could we not know this was across the street? I know we’ve been busy, but you’d notice this guy if you were trying to solve a quantum physics equation or performing brain surgery,” I remarked, letting my gaze roam over the specimen in front of me.
I probably shouldn’t be condoning my daughter leering at a way older man, but that would mean I would have to stop leering at him. That wasn’t going to happen. I needed to drink this sight in. Plus, my daughter was the most well behaved teenager on planet Earth. Having me as a mother I don’t know how this was possible, but she was happy with a book or a record on a Saturday night, not a party full of meatheads from a football team. She was a teenage unicorn. I had thought such creatures were myths, but she was flesh and blood. And I gave birth to her.
Suddenly, as if he could feel the eyes of a sixteen-year-old unicorn and her voyeuristic mother, the man’s eyes darted over to us. Like we had rehearsed it, Lexie and I both dropped to the floor in a coordinated move, hiding under the windowsill.
“Do you think he saw us?” I whispered. I don’t know why I was asking; the flutter I felt when furious eyes met mine told me he saw us. I didn’t know why I was whispering either, but I felt like he had crazy hot guy powers, which included super hearing.
Lexie glanced at me. “I don’t know. Check.”
I sank farther into the wall, my eyes widening at such an outrageous suggestion. “I’m not checking. I’m staying in this spot for the remainder of my life. Or at least until he’s gone,” I declared.
“How are you going to know he’s gone if you don’t move?”
I rolled my eyes. “Duh, that’s what you’re for. I don’t keep you around ‘cause you’re pretty to look at,” I stated.
Lexie shook her head and smiled. It wasn’t her cute little innocent smile, though. It was one evil geniuses got when they were hatching a plan. “Fine. I’ll check, but you have to do laundry for the next two weeks.”
I glared at her. “You’re an evil little person.”
She winked at me. “Love you too, Mom.”
She slowly rose up from the window, like directly up.
“What are you doing?” I hissed. “Don’t stand straight up, slither across the wall! Otherwise it’s totally obvious you dropped to the floor after he caught you perving,” I whisper-yelled, still unsure as to why I felt the need to quiet my voice.
My frenzied commands were in vain. Lexie had already straightened and was standing in front of the window, casual as anything, like she was birdwatching or something.
I shook my head. “Wipe spy off your list of potential careers,” I told her with disappointment.
She ignored me and stepped away from the window, walking to the sofa to pick up my abandoned magazine.
“He’s gone?” I asked from my spot on the floor, feeling a tad ridiculous now.
“Yep,” she answered distractedly, reading the magazine.
I let out a breath of relief and stood. I stretched slightly, then glanced back out the window. I let out a little scream as my eyes met mirrored shades. I quickly darted away from the window and snatched the magazine from Lexie, hitting her in the shoulder with it.
“Didn’t anyone ever tell you lying gives you ulcers and makes your nose grow?” I snapped.
“Yes, my mother did. But she also told me a little man lived under my bed and he would come and eat me if I ever talked to strangers,” she replied, rubbing her shoulder.
I put my hands on my hips. “That was for your own safety.” Little did she know.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t feel very safe lying in bed at night waiting for a little man to come and eat me,” she shot back.
“Well, you obviously had been talking to strangers, therefore you should have been scared,” I said, plonking down on the sofa next to her. “Now what are we going to do? Our hot neighbor thinks we’re crazy pervs,” I moaned.
Lexie gave me a look. “Not we. I’m just an impressionable young teen with a Peeping Tom for a mother,” she teased with a twinkle in her eye.
I slapped her with the magazine again.
She crawled away from me with false pain in her eyes. “Stop! You’ll maim me!” she cried dramatically.
I threw the entire magazine at her and she caught it with a grin.
I shook my head. My daughter was a total nut. I, however, was completely sane.