“What is it?”
She waits so long to answer I’m on the verge of thinking she doesn’t plan to. Finally, her head lifts off my chest, her blue eyes finding mine and there’s an emotion—an added depth—I’ve not noticed before. Something about it sends shards of unease through my body.
“You want me to stay?” Her gaze is watchful, voice soft, almost faint. When I nod, she continues, “For sex?”
Frowning at her, I stare for a moment. “Not just that.” I smooth back some of her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “You know I sleep better when you’re with me.”
A ghost of a smile plays at her lips. “So I’m your own personal version of a sleep aid, Kavanaugh?”
My hand goes to the back of her head, pulling her lips to meet mine in a kiss. And I feel myself hardening inside of her all over again. When our lips part, my voice is husky as I admit, “You’re the only woman I’ve ever spent the night with; the only woman I’ve slept beside the entire night.” I hold her gaze with mine, trying to convey the truthfulness of my admissions. “I’ve never been able to—or wanted to—do this with anyone ever before.”
She lets out a tiny sigh and drops her forehead down to my chest with a soft grunt, hiding her face from me. “Seriously, Kavanaugh. How am I supposed to resist you when you say things like that?”
“You’re not.”
“Exactly. That’s a problem, damn it,” she mutters against my chest.
Furrowing my brows, I stare at her head. “How is it a prob—”
Her head pops up. “Why can’t you—or don’t you—sleep through the night, normally?”
And there it is. The exact conversation I don’t want to have with her right now. Or with anyone, for that matter. Attempting to change the subject, my hands glide down to her ass, pulling her into me, reminding her my cock is still inside of her and clearly getting ready for another round.
The moment her palms press against my chest to push her body off of mine is when I know she’s determined to see this conversation through. When she rolls off of me, I slide off the bed, padding over to the adjoining master bathroom to dispose of the condom. Washing my hands in the sink, I’m silently praying that when I return to the bed, she’ll be over this Let’s have a heart-to-heart shit.
Entering the bedroom, she’s sitting in the middle of the bed with her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, eyes downcast. Nearing the bed, her gaze lifts to mine. Exhaling a heavy breath, I drag a hand down over my face. Just leave it alone, I silently beg. Don’t ask me—
“Will you talk to me?”
Staring at her, I know my eyes flash with irritation, a strong hint of sarcasm in my voice. “What is it exactly you want to talk about?”
“Why can’t—why don’t you—normally sleep through the night?”
Even though her tone is gentle, subdued, it still sends a jolt through me, as if she’s just struck me. Pivoting to my dresser, I roughly pull out a drawer to retrieve a pair of boxer briefs, tugging them on while my back is to her.
“You want to know what keeps me up at night, Davis?” I grit out the words, growing angrier as I speak. “You want to hear what replays in my mind over and over again? Like a bad fucking horror movie? Every single fucking night? You want me to open up to you? Are you sure you can handle it? Because, fuck if I can even manage to handle it most days!”
Whipping around to face her, I stare at her accusingly. “You want to hear about how I’ve killed women and children—kids who were far too young to die? Kids who were brainwashed to believe we were the enemy and they’d use any means possible to destroy us or try and protect some of the most evil men I’ve ever come to know. And I had no choice but to kill them.”
When she remains quiet, her eyes continuing to watch me with an intensity that feels overwhelming, I press on. “You want to know how I killed—murdered—not one, but two small children?” My voice grows louder as I continue. “That, after we took out the father who shot one of our guys, I shot the first kid in the head when he aimed an RPG at Hendy? That he couldn’t have been more than ten fucking years old? That his brother was right beside him when it happened and decided to pick that damn RPG right back up and aim it at us? Is that what you want to hear?” My voice is bellowing now. “You want to hear how I shot both boys, how my bullet went straight through their heads, how I saw the life vanish from their eyes? How I heard the mother’s screams of anguish? Is that what you want to hear?”
Her eyes flash with something undecipherable, her throat working. “Foster, I—”