‘Sometimes, Daniel, boys don’t flourish here. That’s no fault of theirs, or of ours, but it’s the way God intended. Daniel, do you know what foster parents are?’
Daniel shakes his head. He does know what they are – not long after he first arrived, one of the older boys was sent to live with foster parents – but he wants to hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.
‘There are a lot of families, a lot of people who have the kind hearts and souls that make them want to do God’s work and take young boys in as part of their family. To give them a regular family home and give them a second chance. Would you prefer to live in a regular family home than here at Pendleton House?’
Daniel thinks for a moment. He wants to make sure this isn’t a trick question. He looks up and meets the eye of the Mother Superior, looking for any indication of what the right answer might be. All he sees is genuine benevolence – something he’s never seen in her eyes until now. He nods his head slowly.
‘There’s a family, Daniel. Mr and Mrs Cooper. God has not been able to bless them with children of their own, so they would like to give the gift of family to a boy who doesn’t have one. They’re a fine, upstanding couple. Mr Cooper is a doctor, and Mrs Cooper is a legal secretary. Would you like to meet them?’
Daniel nods slowly again. All that’s going through his mind is that he might finally be able to get out of this hellhole. He has plenty of apprehension, though, after the way he’s already been shoved from pillar to post in his young life.
The Mother Superior smiles.
Mr and Mrs Cooper’s house is quite a drive from Pendleton House. As far as Daniel is concerned, that’s a good thing. He’d rather forget all about the place and try to become a normal boy, whatever one of those was.
After a few minutes, Daniel stops looking at the glass in the rear-view mirror. Every time he does, he sees the eyes of Mr or Mrs Cooper in the front seats glancing back at him. The drive to their house is quiet, the tyres humming on the road as Daniel rests his head on the cold glass window and looks out at the rolling fields.
The front driveway to their house is gravelled, bordered with conifers. The Jaguar makes a satisfying crunching sound as it rolls over the gravel, gliding to a stop in front of a large bay window. Inside, he can see a light-brown dog jumping up, his tongue lolling from his mouth as his head appears, then disappears; appears, then disappears.
Daniel stays in the car, looking up at the house in front of him. It isn’t anywhere near as big as Pendleton House, but he knows that he will be the only boy here, with his own room and his own freedom.
The door opens beside him. ‘Are you coming in, Daniel?’ the woman asks, her voice friendly and as fresh as summer daisies.
Daniel unclips his seatbelt and follows her to the front door, the man fetching his bags out of the boot of the car.
Inside, the house is immaculate. He hasn’t felt carpet under his toes in years. Not carpet like this, anyway. It is soft and luxurious, the fibres tickling the undersides of his feet like clouds. There’s a scratching sound from behind the living room door. Daniel looks at the door, amused.
‘Do you want to meet Skip, Daniel?’ the woman asks.
‘Honey, he might not like dogs. One step at a time, yeah?’ the man replies.
‘Do you like dogs, Daniel?’ she asks him.
Daniel nods. The woman smiles and opens the door. Skip comes bounding in and circles Daniel twice, sniffing his legs and investigating the new addition to the family.
‘I think he likes you,’ the woman says.
‘I like him,’ Daniel replies, bending down and stroking Skip’s head. The dog pants and grins.
Later that night, Mrs Cooper makes sausages and mash. Daniel likes sausages and mash. He wolfs it down inside a few minutes, Mr and Mrs Cooper watching him with barely concealed amusement. He noticed earlier that Mr and Mrs Cooper have a large television in their front room. Daniel would kill to watch some television, but he daren’t ask them. He doesn’t want to offend Mr and Mrs Cooper.
Afterwards, they go for a walk around the local neighbourhood, Daniel filling his lungs with the freshest of fresh air. Although he was allowed outside into the grounds at Pendleton House, the air never felt fresh there. It was always tainted with a heavy fog, a sense that this air was only borrowed. Now, though, Daniel knows this was the air of home. The air of freedom.
The scuttling of browning leaves skipping across the pavement seems louder and crisper than usual, as though they are singing their way across the path. It seems like another world.
When they return home, Daniel is tired. He takes a bath and then gets ready for bed. Mr Cooper comes in to see him. He tells Daniel he’s really very glad he’s come to live with them and that they’re going to do everything they can to make life happy for him. They want to give him the best life they possibly can, he says. Daniel smiles.
Mr Cooper strides over to the bookshelf and takes a moment to select a book, his fingers rasping through his beard as he contemplates which one to choose. Finally, he picks a book and takes it over towards Daniel, sitting on the bed. Daniel can see it’s a book for children, much younger children than him, but he doesn’t say anything. He can see Mr Cooper is trying hard, and he doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. The story is fun, though, and Daniel realises for the first time in a long time that he’s happy.
When Mr Cooper reaches the end of the book, he smiles and places it on Daniel’s bedside table.
‘I think that’s enough for one day,’ he says, switching out the light. ‘Goodnight, Daniel.’
Daniel pushes his head further into the soft, plump pillow, smelling its freshness.
‘Goodnight, Dad.’
26
For some reason, it feels weird sleeping next to Jess, so I decide to bed down on the padded seats in the dining area and let her take the bedroom. I feel safer, actually, in full view of the front door and knowing that I’m near the kitchen – and its knives. It’s strangely comfortable; probably more comfortable than the bed itself, and it gives me the space and solitude I need to be able to get my head around everything.
I feel for Jess. Just knowing a little more about her past has allowed me to connect with her on an emotional level I’d never expected or intended. I’ve been there myself – without a proper home, without a proper identity. I’m not quite sure which of us is looking out for the other. Until now it’s been her guiding me and keeping us out of harm’s way, but I feel the need to step up to the plate myself. I’m just not sure how.