She waves me off, grunting a perturbed sound. “I can walk just fine by myself.”
I hold my breath as she hobbles up the steps. Then she shuffles through the kitchen and shuts the back door.
With a slow exhale, I walk past Trace and perch on the futon. “You’ve been here all night?”
“I left.” He scratches the stubble on his jaw, stalks toward the futon, and sits on the other end with the wedding gown between us. “I didn’t make it a block before I turned back.”
“You slept in the driveway? In your car?” I narrow my eyes. “Why?”
“I thought it would be best if we both slept off our anger.”
I itch and burn beneath his stark gaze. He looks dejected, but his appearance does nothing to diminish his intensity. If anything, his eyes are more penetrating than ever, probing and pressing and making me squirm. It’s maddening how deeply he affects me, even now, after everything he did.
“Say what you’re going to say.” I flex my hands on my lap. “Then please, just…leave me in peace.”
He shifts, leaning closer, expression hard and determined. “I didn’t have sex with Marlo.”
I suck in a breath, my heart pounding with hope. And denial. “Don’t insult my intelligence, Trace.”
“Swear to God, Danni.” A muscle bounces in his jaw. “I knew you quit work early and intended to confront me. I knew the instant you accessed the penthouse.”
“I didn’t leave work early to confront you!” I leap from the futon and stand over him, shaking. “I was coming to give myself to you. All of me!”
“I know that now.” He bends forward and laces his fingers behind his lowered head. “I saw you in that dress, and I knew. I knew I fucked up spectacularly. I knew I would spend the rest of my life trying to make it right.”
“Except you didn’t make it right. You punched my date, fucked me like a deranged animal, and left. You left me on the floor like discarded trash.”
His hands tighten on his nape, and his chest heaves. “I came here last night to apologize, to throw myself at your feet. Then I saw you with him, heard what you did with him.” His breathing grows louder, harsher. “I fucking lost it.” He lowers his arms, flexes his hands between his spread legs. “It’s no excuse, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” He releases a self-depreciating laugh. “I’m not good at this. Christ, I’m a fucking nightmare. I know this, but I’m trying.” His eyes, tormented and bloodshot, find mine. “I want to be the man who deserves you.”
My breath leaves me, and my shoulders sag. “If you knew I was coming to find you after work, why were you with her? I saw you fucking her, Trace. She was naked from the waist down and moaning.”
“Marlo works for me, and she’ll do any damn thing I tell her to do. Including touching herself while I watch.”
My teeth slam together.
“I didn’t watch,” he says quickly, furiously. “I wasn’t even hard.”
“You’re a real piece of work.” I pace away, trying to make sense of his words. “If you wanted a relationship with me, why sabotage it by fucking another woman?”
“I didn’t fuck her!” He shouts then lowers his voice. “I have cameras in my room. The video feed is recorded. I can prove it. Hell, you can watch the last four months of footage. You’re the only woman who’s been in my bed.”
“I don’t believe you.” Even though my foolish heart feels like it’s floating out my chest. “You told me you never sleep alone.”
“That was the first day we spent together, and it was true at the time.” He frowns and rubs his forehead. “I haven’t been with a woman since we met.”
I’m too emotionally drained for this. He’s messing with my head and breaking down my resolve.
“What about the woman on your lap at the casino?” I stand taller, bracing my fists on my hips. “Or the dozens of others I see you flirting and drinking with?”
“Last night, with you, was the first time I had sex in four months.”
“Whether or not that’s true, you wanted me to believe you fucked Marlo. It doesn’t make sense.”
“When I was here yesterday, I wanted you to choose me. I needed you to say it.” He slouches on the cushion, dropping his head back and staring at the rafters. “I left here thinking I was nothing more than a rebound, a way for you to bounce back from the only man you’ll ever love.” He glances at the wedding dress beside him and closes his eyes. “When you left work early, I assumed you would seek me out to give your two-weeks notice.”
He couldn’t have been more wrong. I lower onto the futon and massage my temples. I need coffee.
“I’m accustomed to getting exactly what I want.” He looks me in the eyes. “But with you, I’m at a complete loss of control. The feelings you stir in me, the goddamn pain I felt yesterday when I thought you didn’t want me… I wasn’t prepared for this. Jesus, Danni, I’ve never put myself in such a powerless, vulnerable position.”
“Sounds like love,” I say softly.
He stares at me, with something akin to desperation in his eyes.
“Love isn’t a choice, you know.” I finger the fabric of the wedding dress. “You can’t control it. It just…happens, and you better hold on for dear life, because you never know when you’ll lose it.”
“I shouldn’t have demanded you make a choice.” A pained smirk twists his lips, there and gone in a blink. “But I did, and your non-answer was incapacitating. I was hurt, wounded…”
“So you set up the thing with Marlo to hurt me back.”
He nods. “I’m a jealous, vindictive son of a bitch.”
I scoop up the dress and walk to one of the boxes by the stairs—the box that holds the engagement ring. Then I pack the gown away, folding and tucking and keeping my hands busy while I think.
Any trust I had with Trace is broken. It would take a long time to reach a healthy place with him. That’s if we’re both willing to put maximum effort into some kind of future together.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“Moving on.” I close the box, straighten to my full height, and stare down at my progress.
He rises from the futon, his eyes softening as he approaches me. “The gravity of that statement isn’t lost on me.”
My brows furrow, and I hold still, waiting for him to continue.
“If anything happened to you…” He stands behind me and places a hand on my shoulder, guiding me to lean back against his chest. “If I lost you, if you died, I’m not sure I would be able to move on.”
I draw in a frayed breath, shivering at the heat of his body against my back. “Relationships don’t always hurt like this. When it’s good, it’s the best feeling in the world. Those are the moments to fight for.”
His mouth lowers, exhaling a warm sigh against my neck, as if my words give him hope for us.
“We’re stuck, Trace. Stuck in a toxic cycle of poisonous mistrust, jealousy, misunderstandings, and closed-off emotions. None of that works in a lasting relationship.”
He wraps his arms around my waist and rests his brow against my temple. “Please, don’t give up on me.”