I’d never really pressed on their personal arrangement, because I was afraid my mother might think I had doubts about it.
“Maddox loves me, sweetie. We had a long discussion about this and decided that we have to do what makes us happy. Love isn’t conventional.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Someday I’ll be gone, but I’ll still be here every time you look into your children’s eyes. We don’t have to be related for you to see that. Every time you teach them the things I taught you, I’ll be there. Whenever you see the color blue and want to roll your eyes because of how much I loved it, you’ll remember me, and remembering means I’m never really gone.”
Without a word, I gave her a hug and wept against her shoulder. She stroked my back, assuring me it would be okay.
I leaned back and took a shaky breath. “I’ve had several miscarriages.”
Her lips parted in surprise. “You didn’t tell me that! I feel just awful you had to go through that alone.”
“It’s private. Please don’t tell the pack. That’s why I’m scared to be excited over this pregnancy. I’m afraid to fall in love with the idea of it.”
She wiped the tears off my cheeks. “This baby needs you to love it no matter what your fears are. I wish you would have told me about all this.”
“I had my reasons.”
“Maybe this one will feel all the love and support from the family. Where’s that brave girl I raised?”
“She’s feeling like a chickenshit.”
Her gaze drifted. “When your father—”
“He wasn’t my father.”
“Well, when Nelson brought you home, I didn’t know if I’d be able to keep you. You weren’t ours. He took you away from someone, but I couldn’t let the impermanence of how long we might have together stop me from loving you. Things will work out one way or the other—the way they’re meant to. Love takes courage. Why don’t you come outside and get some fresh air? I think that’s what you need instead of staying cooped up in here all day like a hen.”
Wheeler poked his head in the room. “Is she coming out, or am I dragging her by the heels?”
“You just try it,” I said. “Because I have a waxing kit that would love to meet your face and chest.”
He frowned but not at me. A long black tail that kinked at the end moved past him, but I couldn’t see anything more. Spartacus leapt onto the bed and sat down, staring at me with his freakish yellow eyes.
Mom stood up and fixed her hair. “We’re going to have to do something about that cat. When the baby comes, he’s not allowed in the nursery.”
“Nursery?” Wheeler opened the door all the way and leaned on the doorjamb, dressed no better than I was in a sleeveless shirt with a black panther on the front. “We’re Shifters, Lynn. Babies belong in the bedroom with the parents. Like over there.” He motioned toward an empty spot on the left side of the room with a window on each wall.
My mom put her hands on her hips. “And how is Lexi supposed to get any sleep with the baby fussing every two hours? Sometimes they cry for a little while, and you have to let them go back to sleep on their own or else they become dependent on you picking them up at every whimper.”
He chuckled darkly. “That’s why I suggested Austin’s side of the bed. It’ll do him some good.”
Mom lifted the cat off the bed and gave Wheeler a peevish glance when she passed by him. “Maybe we should rotate diaper duty.”
When Mom moved out of sight, he scraped his teeth across his lower lip. “I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut.”
“You haven’t been able to do that for decades. Why start now?” I swung my legs off the bed and stood up.
Wheeler charged forward and slipped his arm around me. “You okay, sweetheart?”
“I’m not an invalid.”
“No, you’re just the Packmaster’s pregnant mate. It’s a big fucking deal, just so you know. Not everyone who has kids has an alpha, and if you don’t have one the first time, well… that’s probably the only shot you get. Alphas have better odds of having an alpha son the first time around.”
“So? Jericho has two alphas, in case you forgot.”
“Some of these assholes who have alpha kids don’t raise them right, and the kids grow up to be rogues. Lennon and Hendrix are good kids, but if Jericho fucks it up and doesn’t teach them how to be leaders, then they might end up delivering pizza for a living. If you’re looking at a Packmaster’s son, you’re pretty much looking at a future Packmaster in the making.”
He walked me into the hall, and then I created distance between us. The last thing I needed was the pack seeing me as a weak link. We entered the game room where Maizy and Denver were playing a game of pool. By the intense look on Denver’s face, Maizy was clearly winning.
“Well, look who decided to join the living,” Denver said, taking his shot. The ball cracked against the other and bounced around the table. “Did you get bored with all the sponge baths or did Aus finally get tired of being emasculated?”