And then, quite suddenly, everyone is jumping up and down, alternately screaming and crying, touching Gemma’s entirely flat stomach as if there’s already a full-blown baby doing jumping jacks in there and fawning over the mammoth rock Phoebe’s just pulled from her pocket and placed on a very important finger.
I barely know these women, but their excitement is infectious. So I don’t let myself hold back — I scream right along with them, just one more lunatic in the flock of crazies, and it doesn’t feel forced or weird. I don’t feel like an outsider. I’m just… one of the girls.
And it’s pretty fucking great.
When the collective freak-out cools from a boil to a simmer, we all sit in silence around the island, grinning until our cheeks ache.
“Suddenly, the spa gift card Mark gave me seems a bit underwhelming.” Chrissy shakes her head. “Though, Winston made me an ornament out of macaroni noodles and a paper plate at daycare. That was pretty sweet.”
“If it makes you feel any better, all I woke up to was a hangover from the tequila shots I did on Christmas Eve,” Lila says, grinning. “Not exactly the most magical day of the year.”
“I received multiple orgasms,” I blurt, drawing all their gazes to me. “Which pretty much makes it my best Christmas ever.”
Lila, Shelby, and Chrissy silently high-five me while Phoebe and Gemma make gagging sounds.
“Brother,” Phoebe reminds me. “Practically raised me. Gross.”
I shrug. “Your brother is hot.”
I receive more high-fives all around.
Shelby sighs and looks from Phoebe to Gemma. “Nate gave you an engagement ring. Chase gave you a fucking baby for Christ’s sake. I really hate to be a story-topper on your special day, but…” She trails off with a grimace, slugs back a big sip of wine, and steadies her shoulders. “I gave a pretty sweet gift of my own, this year.”
We all wait in suspense as she takes another sip.
“Divorce papers.” Shelby smiles and, for the first time since I’ve met her, I see something like relief in the depths of her pretty brown eyes. “I served Paul divorce papers, with a big red bow right on top.”
“Oh, honey,” Chrissy whispers, wrapping an arm around her friend.
“Are you okay?” Gemma asks, crowding in on her other side.
“Should we kick his ass?” Phoebe asks. “And by we I obviously mean Nate and his boys.”
Shelby laughs and waves away their concern. “Guys! Stop. This is a good thing. I mean it.” She leans back on her barstool. “I never thought I’d get divorced. To be honest, it always felt a bit like admitting I was a quitter, or that I’d made a mistake. But I don’t feel that way anymore. The bigger mistake would be continuing to shrink myself down to fit a relationship that I’ve outgrown. Frankly, I’m tired of making myself smaller so my husband doesn’t feel insignificant or emasculated. It’s not enough to have someone there to take care of your financial needs if they refuse to take care of the more important ones.”
Lila’s nose crinkles. “By needs you mean those of a sexual variety, correct?”
Shelby laughs. “I was thinking more about my emotional needs, but hell yes. I do yoga three times a week. I haven’t eaten a carb in four years. I’m almost thirty years old, and I’m not going to waste another goddamned moment of my life fighting for someone who gave up on us a long time ago.”
We’re all quiet for a long moment.
“How did he take the news?” Phoebe asks after a minute.
Shelby’s expression darkens. “Not well. Surprising, since I figured he’d be too busy boning his secretary to even notice I’d finally put my foot down.”
There’s a sad moment of silence where no one knows quite what to say.
What can you say to fix an unfixable situation?
“Oh, love.” Gemma squeezes her tight. “Anything you need, we’re here to help.”
“I could bring over food,” Phoebe offers. “Whatever vegan crap you want.”
Chrissy’s head tilts. “Or alcohol. Under the circumstances, I think tequila might be necessary.”
“I’ll help you change your locks,” Lila contributes. “I’ve had to do that several times after ex-boyfriends got a little testy about me kicking them out.”
Shelby smiles. “Thanks guys, but none of that is necessary.”
I’m the only one who hasn’t contributed anything, so I clear my throat. “I could hack into his computer and replace all his files with YouTube videos of goats screaming. Or, if you’re really looking to inflict some emotional damage, I could put him on the government no-fly list so next time he’s headed through security at the airport…” I smirk. “Full cavity check.”
A startled laugh flies from Shelby’s mouth. “Wait, that’s awesome. Really?”
“I knew we liked her,” Lila murmurs, grinning at me.
Phoebe slings an arm around my back. “Welcome to the club, Tink. Now that you’re in, there’s no going back.”
“I would be lying if I said that didn’t terrify me a little.” I look around warily. “You’re not going to have me killed by your crazy macho boyfriends if I decide I don’t want to be friends with you anymore, right?”
They all laugh like I’ve said the funniest thing ever… but I notice not one of them contradicts me.
19
The Knockout