Was it any wonder I started to fall so hard and so fast?
His personality was infectious. People flocked to him in droves. Within the homeless teen community that banded together underneath the bridge, he was the unquestionable leader. The other kids deferred to him in all things. He seemed to always have the answers. He knew the best places to get leftover food. He was always finding random stuff to give away to his friends. Blankets. Clothes. A battery operated radio, an old pair of sneakers.
But for as much I was learning about my protector, my friend, I quickly figured out that there was a lot that I still didn’t know. Things he kept from me.
And one night, two weeks after starting my new life, I found out how horrible Yoss’s secrets were.
It had been a great day. We had spent the afternoon at The Pavilion and afterwards when we had returned to The Pit, Yoss gave me a fuzzy, purple heart-shaped pillow. It smelled like the bottom of a trashcan, but I didn’t care. Because Yoss had found it, just for me.
I hugged it to my chest. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. It’s not much, but I saw it and thought of you,” Yoss said a little shyly.
“How do you know where to get all this stuff?” I asked him as we changed into spare clothes and laid our wet ones out to dry.
“When you’ve been around as long as I have, you know all the secrets.” He smirked.
Something about his statement bothered me. I ran my hand over the soft material of the pillow and watched him as he rearranged the stuff in our corner of The Pit. He had recently added an old bowling trophy and a watch with a cracked face to the clutter. He hoarded things he found, piling them up on the floor beside our makeshift bed. He never got rid of anything. He held onto broken things. Junk. It didn’t matter to him. They were his. And that’s what was important.
“How long have you been homeless, Yoss?” I asked him softly.
I expected him to get defensive, to tense up. But he did neither. Instead he shrugged and tossed me a bag of unopened Hershey’s kisses. “Since I was twelve,” he answered and my hand went to my mouth in shock.
“You’ve been living out here for six years? Oh my god, Yoss, that’s awful!” I knew how much he hated sympathy, but I couldn’t help it. I tried to picture a little boy with Yoss’s dark hair and green eyes, curling up in this dark, dirty corner, scared and alone.
Yoss came and sat down beside me and nudged my foot with his. “Hey, don’t you dare do that,” he warned.
“Don’t do what?” I asked, looking up at him.
“Feel sorry for me. I’m okay, aren’t I? All my fingers and toes are still attached. I haven’t been shanked in my sleep. I even got you chocolate,” he grinned.
“How did you end up out here?” I prodded. We had yet to really talk about our pasts. Yoss had never pushed me and I had followed his lead.
But I wanted to know more about this boy who seemed to make it his mission in life to help me.
Yoss opened the bag of Hershey’s Kisses and took out a handful, dropping them on his lap. He peeled the foil off, one at a time, and popped them into his mouth. “These are my favorites.”
“Yoss. Answer me, please,” I pleaded.
“Why does it matter, Imi? Do you really want to hear about my rich daddy who liked to beat on me with whatever he could get his hands on? Do you want me to explain all the horrible ways he’d take his anger out on me when he got drunk? Or how about the day he hit me with a silver bookend so hard that he knocked me unconscious for over an hour. And he didn’t take me to the hospital. He just kept drinking and I woke up in a puddle of my own blood.” Yoss pressed his lips together, reliving memories that I wished I hadn’t made him think about.
“Yoss, I’m sor—”
“I was tired of being scared all the time. I didn’t think anything could be worse than living like that. So I ran away. The asshole has never looked for me.”
I thought about my mother and her pretty new boyfriend and I realized that no matter how bad my life could be, there was always someone out there that had it much worse.
I hated that that someone was Yoss.
Yoss ate another piece of chocolate. “It doesn’t do anyone any good to talk about that shit, Imi.”
“I just want you to know you can tell me stuff. That I’ll…I’ll listen,” I murmured. I reached down and took his hand, lacing my fingers through his.
I felt him recoil slightly. I knew that he didn’t like to be touched unless he initiated the contact. Any time I tried, he moved away.
I squeezed his hand slightly, loving the feel of his rough palm against mine. Our hands fit together just right.
He was only able to stand it for a few minutes before pulling away. He handed me the rest of his uneaten chocolates before getting to his feet. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, sucking in smoke and releasing it an aggravated puff. “I have to go out tonight.”