Yoss smiled softly and then dropped his hand. I shivered again. “The I’m-just-trying-to-get-the-hell-out-of-here look,” he explained.
I tensed, but didn’t argue. What was the point? He was right. I probably did look like some sort of caged animal desperate for my escape.
“We’ve all been there. Just don’t get stuck trying to find your way out. There’s more to life than these fucking streets. If I were you, I’d start figuring stuff out pretty damn quickly.” He wasn’t being condescending, but his been-there-done-that garbage rubbed me the wrong way.
“Says the kid hanging out underneath a bridge,” I snapped. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want his advice. I wanted anger. Bitterness. Mutual despair.
Yoss laughed and I didn’t want to smile. But I did. There was something about this tall, too skinny boy that was sort of irresistible.
“I like you, Imogen. You’ve got attitude. You’ll need that out here,” he said. He inclined his head toward the fire raging in the trashcan underneath the overhang. A group of kids were drinking soda out of the bottle and laughing loudly. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat. I just went to the convenience store and got some hotdogs. They’re probably cold now, but it doesn’t really matter when you’re hungry.”
“Yeah, I could eat,” I said gruffly.
Yoss smiled again. “Okay then. Let’s fill your belly, then maybe we can find you a sweatshirt or something.”
I looked down at my outfit. “It’s the middle of June. I don’t think I’ll get cold.”
Yoss didn’t say anything, but instead looked off towards the trees in the direction Tag had gone. I stiffened. There were other reasons to cover yourself that had nothing to do with the cold.
“I’m sure there’s one back at The Pit.”
“The Pit?” I asked.
“The warehouse where we all sleep. Come on, Imi,” he said softly, placing his hand lightly on the small of my back and steering me towards the other teenagers.
I looked up at my unlikely savior and wondered a million things about him.
So I settled on what seemed the most important in that moment.
“What kind of name is Yoss?”
He laughed and it was real and true and I felt it absolutely everywhere. He pulled a cigarette out of his back pocket and tucked it between his lips, lighting it. The smoke curled around his mouth and floated up into the night sky.
He inhaled deeply and I couldn’t help but watch in fascination as he blew out a ring of smoke as large as my head.
“Have you ever read Catch-22 by Joseph Heller?” he asked me.
I shook my head.
“You should. It’s a great book,” he chuckled. “Enough questions. Let’s get you a hotdog.”
So I followed Yoss to what would become my new family.
And I didn’t feel so alone.
Present Day
I ran from the ICU.
It wasn’t my finest hour.
I ran and I ran and I didn’t stop until I got to a door at the other end of the hallway. I rushed into the silent, empty stairwell just as my knees gave out and I slid down to the floor.
I closed my eyes and tried to breathe through my very real, very serious freak out.
His face flashed through my mind. A thousand memories collected in the span of months. I remembered the soft, kind face of the boy he used to be.
But now it was mixed up with the harsh, brutal truth of the man he had obviously become.
That day in the rain as I stood waiting for him underneath Seventh Street Bridge felt like it was only yesterday. I was transported back to the love struck girl I had been. Exhausted, alone, scared about what I had seen. But hopeful that we could start over somewhere new.
He was supposed to meet me and we were going to leave town. I had begged him to go away with me. After what had happened, it seemed we had no other choice. To flee the life we had been living. We were going to make something better. Isn’t that what he had promised?
Even though a part of me had doubted, I had refused to listen to it.
He had promised.
I had crouched in the cold for hours, listening to the cars drive overhead. It was only when the sun began to set and the sky turned red that I realized he wasn’t coming.
I had gone back home that night and my entire life had changed all over again.
I always wondered exactly what had kept Yoss from meeting me. Even after what I had seen, I still couldn’t understand. I had thought nothing would have prevented us from being together. We had felt like a force of nature. Unstoppable. Destined. We thrived on the passion and confidence of youth that left no room for doubt. We loved each other. And in the ugly world we had inhabited, it was a light we had clung to.
There were days afterwards when I thought he was dead. I was full of so much fear that I almost choked on it.
I went back to the bridge hoping he’d show up. Dreading the moment when I realized he was fine and just didn’t want me anymore.
But it never happened.
It was like he had disappeared. As though he had never been. A figment of my overwrought imagination.
There had never been a Yoss and Imi.
Our story ended with a thud.