How do I make her understand?
揑抣l be the first to admit mistakes were made. Entirely mine. Not yours.?I jab a thumb at my chest for emphasis. 揥hat happened when that asshole showed up swinging a knife桰 had to step in. That part was right. The rest of it was where we went wrong. I crushed a man抯 face and just between you and me, the outcome would抳e been the same whether he rushed us or not. I can抰 be that person again. I panicked.?
揧ou panicked? You panicked??She shakes her head violently. 揗y psycho ex could抳e killed us if you hadn抰 punched him. Then you stabbed me anyway with that stupid denial in front of everyone. And you think you get to panic??
揑 only梖uck. It never should抳e escalated to that point, whether it was necessary or not. Maybe the little idiot wouldn抰 have charged if I hadn抰 pushed him.?I clamp my mouth shut. 揇on抰 you get it? It抯 hard to think straight when I抦 around you. You make me too insane, too reckless, too passionate. That抯 a side of myself I unleashed once, and it almost cost me everything.?
She looks at me, totally bewildered.
I haven抰 told her about the man I beat when I caught him cheating with my ex, but that抯 not the point.
I抦 not admitting what she抯 really done to me, horror of horrors.
She made my dumbass fall in love.
What else is there to say to that?
We should be done. More words can only make this worse.
揙h, Lincoln. You sad, strange man...?She steps toward me.
I take a halting step back, and I抎 rather break my own leg.
Goddammit, will she stop making this so hard?
If she gets any closer, I抦 boned. Because I抣l kiss her, and that抯 a one-way ticket to ruin.
Her bottom lip quivers with rejection, this faint, desperate hope fading in her gaze.
Damn, Dakota, please don抰 cry.
Don抰 waste your tears and your love on the rain, on me.
Don抰 make me lose my resolve.
揑抦 so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You抮e the last person I ever wanted to hurt, sweetheart.?I pause, my tongue on fucking fire. 揑 can抰 undo what抯 happened, but I can prevent more damage.?
揑桰 still don抰 understand. What do you mean? What happened that抯 made you so afraid??
I set my jaw so hard I抦 about to crack a molar.
More explaining won抰 help.
She wears the same heartbroken expression she did on the street that day. At least she isn抰 crying yet.
揊or you, I抣l make this easy because it抯 my fuckup and it抯 unforgivable,?I say. 揑抦 stepping away from the company. A long leave of absence. Your job will be safe and you won抰 report to me anymore. I never should抳e gotten involved with an employee, but it won抰 come at your expense棓
揓ust an employee? That抯 all I am to you??
Her face is killing me.
She抯 not 搄ust?anything and she knows it. I need to get this over with.
揑抦 saving you from the fallout. Your life was trashed once by a big dumbass leaving you out in the cold. Not this time. I抣l go into total exile before I let that happen. Honestly, Wyatt deserves my time off, too. Whatever support I can lend to his recovery, but棓 I can抰 finish. My throat knots, cutting off my air supply.
I thought I was stronger.
Evidently, I can fight a war and run a multibillion-dollar brand, but I can抰 break it off with this little poet without turning my insides into thorns.
揃ut??she urges.
Do it, Lincoln. Take the shot.
揃ut桰抦 done with it. All of it, Dakota. I抳e made a big goddamned mess of things. I tore up your heart and mine along with it. That抯 not something I抣l keep doing while it抯 still in my power to stop it.?
For a single second that feels like an eternity, she抯 quiet.
揝o that抯 it then??she mutters.
I don抰 answer.
Maybe she was right when she called me a coward.
揧ou got your wedding campaign out of the deal.?Her face goes red. 揂nd your fun, and now you抮e just tossing me aside.?Her eyes glisten with fresh, molten tears.
揇akota棓
揓ust like before. You...you used me,?she whispers. Then she throws her head back and stares at the sky, cloudy and unsettled with distant thunder. 揑 should be used to it by now. I抦 such an idiot. When will I learn? I never fucking will, I swear.?
She turns and starts moving away.
Fuck, I can抰 let it end like this.
揥ait. I抦 mangling this. It抯 coming out wrong.?How do I make her understand?
I can抰 love.
I can抰.
Cupid, that rat bastard, doesn抰 hit people with cute arrows. He blows up their lives with lethal missiles.
He抯 not doing that to mine. He抯 not reducing her life to rubble.
揇akota, I hate this. Listen, I can handle fucking up myself, but I can抰 do that to you. I can抰 ruin your life while you抮e still young and beautiful and so smart. You still have a chance with a better man than any I抣l ever be.?
Tears stream down her face now, each breath racking her entire body.
揕incoln??Her voice is barely audible as she stops and turns.
揧es??
She flips me off, her eyes glowing like hellfire, and then she抯 gone, one more shadow in the storm.
揥ait! I抣l call a car for you.?
She doesn抰 stop.
She doesn抰 even throw me a backward glance.
I start after her, but she doubles her pace.
After she抯 out of my sight, I walk back inside the hospital, a drenched mess of a human being in every way imaginable.
I抣l go sit with Wyatt. I don抰 want him to be alone when he wakes up, though tonight would be one hell of a time.
My laptop sits in the chair I抳e lived in for days. I pick it up and collapse into the chair. At least I don抰 have to worry about sending that email anymore.
Still, now I need to work out what stepping away from the company looks like, and who can take my place without running the empire into the ground.
The worst part is, Mother is still the majority shareholder. I抣l have to talk to her and I抣l get a nuclear earful when she finds out why I抦 leaving.
I could tell her I need to help Wyatt, but she won抰 like that one bit. She抣l probably also tell me to take a month off instead of backing away completely.
I抦 not even sure a temporary leave will work unless Dakota quits, which is always a grim possibility. She moved out of state after her last breakup.
Something about running her out of this city wrenches my gut.
So does that last parting look with the one-gun salute.
No woman has ever looked at me with such contempt before. Any chance I had with Dakota Poe in my next five lifetimes was slaughtered outside this hospital.
揃urns, you are one dumb SOB,?I whisper.
It抯 far too easy to imagine Wyatt saying those words.
Whenever he wakes up, he抣l probably invent new ways to call me a fucking fool.
And if Dakota can抰 hack it梚f she packs up and heads home to North Dakota梬ill that little jagoff be waiting for her?
I already agreed to avoid pressing charges if and when they assure me he抯 set up with a therapist, a job, and a place to live at least five hundred miles from Seattle.
Dammit.
Dakota basically said I抦 just like him, and I can抰 even argue.
He ruined her past, and I just flattened her whole future.
I push my face into my hands, pressing my knuckles into my eyes.
I抦 doing everything humanly possible to make this right. To let her walk away with minimal damage.
Whatever she chooses next shouldn抰 bother me.
It shouldn抰, but it does.
It抯 her life, and she抯 better off without the pond scum named Lincoln Burns.
21
Still Beguiling (Dakota)
Welp, the asshat actually did it.
He stepped away from the company without even the courtesy of showing up for one last all-staff meeting. He just blasts an email to the entire crew.
Dear all,
I抳e recently found myself dealing with a personal tragedy that requires all of my attention and my heart. It wouldn抰 be fair for me to stay on at the helm of Haughty But Nice dividing my time. I can抰 do that to you.