揧ou should do commercials,?I tell him with a huff. 揑s that what this is? Some strange guerrilla marketing thing??
I hold my breath. At least that would explain Mr. GQ Model going absolutely ballistic over something so trivial.
Also, it抯 the one-year anniversary of the most humiliating day of my life.
I need this roll like I still need to believe there抯 a shred of goodness in this world. What kind of psycho tries to buy someone抯 cinnamon roll off them for five times the price, anyway?
揇o I look like a comedian??he snarls, his eyes rolling. 揊ifty dollars. Easy money. Trade.?
揇ude, you抮e insane,?I whisper back.
揇udette,?he barks back, slightly more frantic. 揑 assure you, I am not. I need that roll, and I抦 willing to pay you generously. I trust you need the money more than I do.?
I scoff at him so hard my face hurts.
Rub it in, why don抰 you? I guess I should up and be amazed you抮e deigning to talk to us 憀ittle people,?your pastry-obsessed highness.
揑t must be nice, oh Lord of the Pastries. What do I get for an apple pie? A laptop??I shake my head.
His done-with-your-bullshit glare intensifies.
揇akota!?A male barista calls my name and plunks my drink on the counter.
Awesome. There抯 my cue to exit this asylum and head back to the springtime sanity outside where birds tweet and flowers bloom and nobody goes to war over cinnamon shortages.
I grab my drink and start for the door.
揥ait!?Hot Shrek calls. 揇akota.?
Ughhh.
My name shouldn抰 sound so deliciously rough on a man抯 lips. Especially not a man offering exorbitant sums to strangers for their baked goods.
Knowing I抣l regret this, I stop and meet his eyes.
揥hat??I clip.
揥e haven抰 finished.?
揜ight. Because there抯 no deal,?I snap, turning again.
Okay. Before, I was just looking forward to stuffing my face with sticky goodness. Now, I need this flipping cinnamon roll like oxygen.
If I spite the hottest freak who crawled out of the ogre swamp, I抣l have something to laugh about later.
True to the promise I made the barista, I抣l savor the flavor while wallowing in a little less of my own misery and reminding myself I抦 living a better life now梬hich apparently includes handsome stalkers begging to throw cash at me.
揥ait. I need it more than you do. I swear,?he says harshly, grabbing my shoulder and spinning me around.
I bat his hand away, doubly annoyed and taken aback.
揧ou抮e insane. Touch me again and I抣l press charges for robbery. It抯 a cinnamon roll, dude. Calm down and come back tomorrow when they抮e replenished.?I panic chug my latte and walk out the door.
Hot Stalker Shrek is undaunted.
He trails me outside as I stroll into the Seattle sunshine, taking a deep breath.
揝eventy-five!?he calls after me.
揥hat??
揝eventy-five dollars.?
揢m, no.?I speed walk to the bike rack and unlock my wheels with one hand, balancing the Regis roll and the latte in the other.
揙ne hundred dollars even,?he belts after me.
Holy Moses. How high will he go?
揙ne fifty!?he calls two seconds later.
There goes my jaw, crashing to the pavement.
A chill sweeps through me. I抦 worried we抮e leaving eccentric waters for clinically crazy.
Part of me wants to keep him talking just so he doesn抰 carry me off to his evil lair. I imagine a storage shed stacked to the ceiling with crumpled cinnamon roll boxes.
揇id you really just offer me a hundred and fifty dollars for a cinnamon roll??I place the latte in a cup holder on my handlebar and climb on the bike.
He gives me an arctic look, like he knows he抯 got me now and I抳e already accepted his bizarro deal.
揧ou抮e welcome. You can Uber and still have a nice chunk of change.?
I scan him up and down, purposely glancing at his polished leather shoes a second too long. In another time and place, I抎 take a nice big sip of my latte and spray it on his shoes but...that抯 not how I roll.
I have my dignity. I plan to have a little more of it when I抦 safely away from here, too.
揟his may come as a shock, but not all of us worship money, King Midas,?I say.
揥hat抯 that supposed to mean??he says with a snort, squaring his hulking shoulders.
揧ou抮e a nutter. Like actually insane.?My eyes flick to his wrists for good measure, legit wondering if I抣l see a hospital band.
揑 am not. Have you ever tasted a Regis roll? Seattle抯 top food critic described them as梬hat was it? A category ten mouth-gasm??
My lips twitch. I try like hell not to burst out into a blushing laugh.
揗an, I am not discussing mouth-gasms with you,?I say.
揧ou抮e missing the point,?he says sharply. 揌elp me and help yourself, Miss Dakota. We never have to see each other again and you抣l be three hundred dollars richer.?
揟hree...hundred??I say slowly, my mouth falling open.
揧ou heard me.?His eyes flash with hope and triumph, and he starts reaching for his wallet.
Stay strong.
Invisible crucifix.
Latte holy water.
Do not be tempted by Lucifer.
揝ee, you抮e not making your case. Just further proving your insanity.?I eye him warily. Maybe there抯 some wild story behind how he stole this suit and he really did just escape some mental institution.
That would be the most believable explanation for what抯 happening.
Honestly, a lot less scary than thinking guys who look like billionaires want to spend their time reverse robbing strangers for their pastries.
揊ive hundred dollars, damn you,?he rumbles. 揊inal offer.?
My jaw detaches from my face.
Five hundred flipping smackers?
That抯 more than my student loan payment this month. Almost half my rent. I抦 tempted to sign my soul away, but my fingers clench the bag tighter, demanding me to be brave.
Not today, Coffee Shop Satan.
A smile that抯 almost comically pleading pulls at his lips.
Damn. Somehow, he抯 even hotter when he smiles and makes those puppy dog eyes. A face like his should come with a warning.
揑 see that got your attention,?he whispers.
揇id it??
揧our mouth dropped,?he says, making me keenly aware his gaze is fixed on my lips. I don抰 even know what to do with that.
He closes the space between us and reaches for my bag, trying to get the drop on me.
揌ey梟o! I told you it抯 not happening, crazypants.?I don抰 like the way he so casually invades my space. I also have a pesky habit of not taking a single speck of crap from anyone. Especially this past year.
But there抯 also this tiny thought nibbling at the back of my brain that screams this man is no different from Jay.
Just richer, stronger, better-looking, and possibly more arrogant.
Keeping this Regis roll out of his grubby paws is a little win for Dakota Poe against mankind. Against every swinging dick who brandishes his selfish ego like a club.
揑抦 perfectly sane. I simply need that roll, and I can抰 walk away empty-handed,?he tells me.
揧択now, I woke up inspired to write today. But I wasn抰 planning on getting real-world inspiration shoved in my face from someone so ridiculous.?
揑 have no idea what the hell that means, but I need the roll and you need money. Do we have a deal??
揥hy am I not surprised you can抰 follow simple English? Are you one of those guys who paid five hundred dollars for some poor geek to boost your grades too??
He glares at me like an angry bull.
揥atch your step, Big Mouth. You know nothing about me. Let抯 make a trade and be on our merry way for the sake of our blood pressure.?He gives me a slow, assessing look, his eyes sliding up my body with a weight that makes me shiver. 揧ou抮e on a bike. Don抰 tell me you couldn抰 use a few hundred bucks.?
揙rrr I could be so loaded I run a green power company and need to look the part,?I throw back. 揚lus, biking helps blow off some steam. You should try it sometime.?
Scowling, he grabs at my white paper bag again.
I shift away at the last second, slapping his big hand away.
Yeah, I抳e had it.
Narrowing my eyes, I glare back at him, reach into the bag, and pull out the warm roll. In slow motion, I bite off a massive chunk.