“I did before,” I shoot back, reaching for a leftover pickle.
“Back then you had a keg and Jell-O shots working to your advantage. That’s not the case anymore.” Declan leans back in his chair, one of his more arrogant smirks playing across his face as he swirls the glass of water in his hand. “You know what your problem is?”
I scroll through my phone. “Nope. But I bet you’re going to tell me.”
“You don’t know how to treat a lady.”
This time, it’s my turn to meet him with a cocky grin. “I don’t?”
“Nope,” he says, emphasizing the “p.”
“Is that a fact—but I take it you do, right?”
“Damn right. Curran, you may have your moves. You may get laid, but you don’t know how to treat a classy broad. A woman like Contessa—”
“Tess,” I clarify again.
His smile widens. “Okay, we’ll play it your way. A woman like Tess is used to a certain guy—refined, highly educated, and driven.”
He’s starting to piss me off. “Like you?”
“That’s right. You need to put on the charm. Open doors, shit like that.”
“Shit like how?”
His smile fades. “Don’t be an asshole. I’m trying to teach you something here, so pay attention.”
I show him my phone. “Oh, I’m taking copious notes, believe me. Teach me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You’re my only hope.”
“Women love me,” he says in the same way I ask for the time.
“Do they?”
“They do. I get dates. All the time. You know why?”
“They think you have money, and want you to be their sugar daddy.”
“No. I—”
“They lost a bet.”
“No.”
“They prefer men with small dicks.”
It’s then that Assistant District Attorney O’Brien loses his cool and nails me in the face with a roll. To his credit, he does it when no one’s looking, or because no one at Rhonda’s Bistro gives a shit.
“My dick is bigger than yours, and you goddamn know it.”
I laugh. “Says you.”
“Look,” he says, adjusting his tie. “You’re pissing me off, but I’m still going to give you some free advice.”
“You’re a hell of a guy.”
“Do you want the goddamn advice or not?”
I’m kind of curious what Declan has to say, even though it’s probably straight-up bullshit. “Sure. Let ’er rip.”
He leans back again and spreads out his hands. “Treat her like she’s a goddess.”
“Goddess?” I repeat.
“Yeah, you know, like your world isn’t the same until you see her smile, touch her skin, and breathe the same air she does.”
Holy God.
“Bring her flowers for absolutely no reason. When she asks you why, let her know it was because you missed her, and couldn’t stop thinking about her.”
And couldn’t stop thinking about her?
Declan continues like this is the greatest advice ever despite my WTF expression.
“Take her hand, interlacing your fingers with hers. Draw her close to you when it’s cold to shield her from the bitter wind.”
“Jesus, Declan.”
“You say Jesus. I say help her off with her coat, and you’ll be helping her out of her panties next.”
I nod. “Okay. Got it.” I go back to eyeing my phone, grinning when I see Tess’s reply. If I pick up her list of ingredients, she’ll make me dinner tonight. Sweet.
“You already fucked her, didn’t you?” Declan asks, looking stunned.
He can’t see my phone, but he knows me well enough. “Oh, hell yeah. And I didn’t even have to shield her against the bitter wind.”
In fact, Tess and I have been spending every night together for the past month. The last few nights have been at my place; tonight I’ll be at hers. But that’s my business, not his. My phone buzzes. Another text, this time from Wren. “Hey, Wren wants to hit Merve’s next week for brews and wings. You want to go?”
“You think I’m full of shit.”
“Yup. So you up for it? She’s thinking either Wednesday or Thursday.”
He ignores me. “Pick a woman here. Anyone between the ages of twenty-two and forty-two, without a ring.”