I place my hand over my chest, feeling ill. “That’s…awful.”
Curran responds with a one-shoulder shrug. “It’s not meant to hurt, Tess. It’s meant to prepare. Because no matter what they do to you in the academy, it won’t compare to what some strung-out asshole waving a gun will do to you if he catches you alone. Won’t compare to the real pain you’ll feel when an abused woman cracks you in the head for arresting the man who knocked her teeth in. So the seasoned cops prep you any way they can. They’re not there to be your friend, or to hug you, or to tell you it’s going to be okay. Because if you’re a cop, chances are, it’s never going to be okay.”
Sadness overtakes me as trickles of Curran’s anguish find their way into his tone. Something happened to Curran—something terrible. Had he been harmed in the line of duty? Had he lost one of his friends?
“Are you all right?” I ask him, carefully.
He forces a smile. “Yeah. It’s all good.”
No, I don’t think it is…or was. “I’m sorry,” I tell him, honestly.
His mouth purses as if whatever happened to him had no effect, but it’s clear that it did, even as he continues speaking. “Like I was saying, those seasoned cops—they do what they do because they need to do it. They’re there to separate the weak from the strong and help those who graduate stay alive when it’s their turn to hit the streets.”
“So Lu was one of the trainers who took you to your breaking point,” I say, wanting him to know that I’m listening, and that his words are affecting me.
“Yeah. She was. To give you an example, my group was given a scenario with a bomb threat, armed perps, and a bunch of civilians. I was the only one who didn’t shoot an innocent bystander. The only one who kept his head, and the only recruit who got the job done the right way. Can’t say the same for the rest of my group. That didn’t stop Lu from macing all of us and making us run five miles while repeating the Miranda out loud.”
My mouth goes strangely dry. “But why were you punished? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Curran’s voice takes on a force I never knew, and one I can’t quite place. “It’s not about being punished, Tess. It’s about learning that once we put on the badge, and take the oath to protect and serve, we’re all in it together. Despite our differences in hair, skin color, and ability, we’re all brothers and sisters. We don’t share the same blood, but we will bleed as one. And when one of us falls, we fall with him.”
As I take in his stance, his clenching fists, his pained features, and his words, I realize exactly how much Curran has changed. He may be as strong and as imposing as ever, but just then, I catch a chink of vulnerability in his tough-as-steel persona.
I want to wrap my arms around him and hold him close—to thank him for his sacrifices, and those of his brothers and sisters who share the oath he’s taken. God, never have I felt so insignificant and useless. I may know the law, but I will never enforce it—not to the degree Curran does. And, Jesus, not with my life!
I force myself to speak. “I never realized how intense law enforcement training is—or what it must take to graduate. This Lu woman sounds hideous.”
He nods, knowingly. “Yeah. But even though the other two male trainers present were the ones who devised our punishment, she was the one we were all pissed at. So yeah, we are a bunch of chauvinistic pricks.” He slaps my arm playfully and grins. “Come on, let’s wrap up and I’ll take you home.”
I watch him jog up the steps with my mouth dangling open. Oh, my God, this ball-busting frat boy hasn’t changed one bit!
I groan. Well, apparently neither have I, seeing how my stare locks on his ass, and my hands long to spank it.
Chapter 4
Curran