His gaze raked her face. “Then you found out the truth.”
“I found out the truth and I lost my life…all in the same night.” The sun was warm on her face and she was so glad that particular tale was fake—vampires could stay in the sunlight. It made her weaker, yes, but right then, she didn’t care. She needed to be outside, just as she needed to get these words out. “I woke up and everything was different. When I ran outside, I could hear too much, I could see things too brightly. My head felt as if it were going to explode, and I was so hungry. I drank your blood in the road, and I was horrified.”
“Rose—”
She held up her hand, as if warding him off. “Let me finish. Please.” Because they needed to talk. “I took your blood, and I liked it.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re a vampire.”
He didn’t get it. “It was wrong for me. I ran because I couldn’t stand what I’d done.”
His hands had clenched at his sides.
“For days, I was starving, and I couldn’t take blood from anyone else. It made me sick to think of drinking it. I had nearly starved myself to death when Luke showed up.”
His eyes turned to glittering slits.
“He made me drink from humans. But I vomited the blood up, again and again.” She remembered vomiting on Luke.
He hadn’t been amused.
But then, she hadn’t been amused, either.
“I begged Luke to change me back during those first terrible weeks. Again and again, I begged him.”
Shock flashed on Julian’s face. “He didn’t—he never said—”
“I didn’t want to kill anyone else. I thought I couldn’t drink without murdering a human. I didn’t want that.” Her lips pressed together. “Luke…he was the one who had to go with me on my first few hunts. He was the one that had to stand in the shadows and make sure I didn’t go too far. He’d stop me before I killed. He made sure that I—I learned to control myself.”
But she’d still hated every moment of her new hell.
“He was there. A man I didn’t know. A man I hated.” She sucked in a deep breath as she took a few steps back. “Where were you?” The question burst from her. It was a question that had haunted her for a very long time. I needed you. You weren’t there. Where were you?
A mask settled over his face. Hard. Unreadable. “You didn’t want me close. You told me to stay the hell away from you.”
“I was terrified. I was out of my mind.” And yes, she had said that. Right after she’d pleaded with him to change her back. Her heart lurched in her chest. “When I first woke up in that bed, you were barely talking. You had blood all over you—”
“Because I’d fucking killed the men who shot you.” He surged toward her. Towered over her. “Did you really think I’d let them get away with what they’d done? They were there for me. My enemies. They used their fucking heat sensors to see that we were near the front door, and they shot through it, through you in order to hit me.” His hand pressed to her chest, right over her heart. “The bullets had your blood on them when they sank into me. I heard you cry out. I felt you dying. There was no way I was going to let those cowards get away with what they’d done. I summoned Luke. I made a deal to save you. And then I cut their fucking heads from their bodies.”
She flinched.
“That is who I am. I am retribution. I am punishment. Luke had used me before and after that night, he used me plenty more. When paranormals crossed the line, when they needed to be put down because all they were doing was bringing torment to the humans around them, my job was to stop the monsters. I’m a killer, a very good one, and I promised Luke I’d kill as many paranormals as he wanted, provided he did one thing for me. Just one.” His breath heaved out. “He let you live. That he brought you back.”
Her mouth had gone dry. Her heart drummed too fast in her chest. “B-back?” That was a thought that chilled her. She’d somehow always thought that she’d been on the verge of dying, and that Luke had transformed her right before her human self crossed that last, thin line. She hadn’t realized that she’d been…gone. Or maybe, maybe that was just what she had wanted to believe.
But just where had she gone to? Rose shivered.
“You died. I watched it happen. I saw the life leave your eyes as I held you in my arms.” He exhaled. His hands fell to his sides and clenched into fists. “And greedy bastard that I am, I wasn’t going to let things end that way. I brought you back, I made Luke find a way, and I turned you into a monster.”
Back. Where had I been?
Heaven?
Hell?
She had no memory of either place. She just remembered the pain of the bullets as they tore into her. She remembered Julian’s wild roar. She remembered not being able to feel his hands on her skin.
Then…
She’d been in the bed. Waking up to fear.