Avery nodded. “Apparently she was very interested in Li before we got married. He admitted to sleeping with her a couple of times, but then he slept with most of them. Why did I get the manwhore?”
“Reformed manwhore,” Eve said, getting a little angry at the thought of Amanda trying to undermine everyone around her. “Now she’s after Alex.”
“Well, I think Ian would be her first choice, but he sees right through that kind of crap,” Grace said.
“Alex is softer than Ian. He wants to believe the best of people, so when Amanda pulls her doe-eyed routine, he buys it. Come on. It’s an age-old tale. Men are dumb. Like eighteen seasons of The Bachelor haven’t proven that,” Serena said. “They always pick the nasty one and then they’re all like, ‘What? I didn’t see that coming.’ Dumb ass.”
Amanda was awful. She got that. It didn’t explain everything. “Why would he take her? He needs backup. He pretends like this isn’t dangerous, but this guy he’s going after…”
“Is one of the worst terrorists in the world and has hurt all of us very deeply,” Grace finished.
Eve shook her head. “I don’t understand. You know Evans?”
“I know that he hurt you and that means he hurt every one of us, and we all have to pitch in.”
A deep well of emotion surged. There were things she knew intellectually, but hadn’t put into practice, holding the truths close to her heart. One of those truths was the fact that she didn’t have to be alone. She didn’t have to hide or cover up. If she were on the outside looking in on her own case, she would tell herself that talking about it, opening up and sharing the burden where she could was the only way to heal. “Can I be honest?”
“Of course,” all three said at the same time.
Eve couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t want him to go.”
“I wouldn’t either,” Serena said. “It’s scary to send them off.”
Eve shook her head. “It’s not totally about the danger. Alex is making the same mistakes all over again. He’s opening wounds that might finally be healing.”
“I don’t think they’re healing for him, sweetie.” Grace looked out to the patio where the men had gathered. “They’re tough men. They like to pretend they don’t feel things, but it’s an act.”
“I think I understand,” Serena said. “You want him to focus on you, on your relationship.”
Finally someone got it. “Serena, after it happened…” God, be brave, Eve. Just fucking say it. “After I was raped…”
“After you were tortured,” Grace prompted. It was obvious to Eve that Grace was taking the big-sister role, and she wasn’t about to let Eve sugarcoat a damn thing. She should be annoyed, but she only felt a deep sense of gratitude.
“After I was tortured, Alex shut down. He said all the right things, but he wasn’t there for me. I’m not saying he didn’t sit with me and hold my hand.”
“He pulled away,” Avery concluded. “Yes, I do understand that, but not the way you would think. I understand where Alex is coming from.”
Eve sighed. “Of course, I know that it’s a typical reaction for the loved ones of a victim to pull away due to an overwhelming sense of guilt and a fear that the world won’t be the same again. I’ve seen it in a lot of people.”
Avery wouldn’t let up. “But you haven’t felt it, Eve. I know you’re smart and you’re so educated and experienced when it comes to people’s motivations, but you can’t know what it feels like to be the one who didn’t die.”
But Avery did. “I didn’t die, Avery. It wasn’t as bad as that.”
“No, she’s right,” Serena argued. “A rape is something traumatic. The only thing I can think of that’s worse than it happening to me is knowing that it’s happening to someone I love and not being able to stop it.”
“He was helpless, Eve.” Avery’s eyes closed and opened again as though she was briefly reliving what she’d had to go through. “I was helpless. I was trapped in that car and I listened to my daughter die. I watched my husband bleed to death. Alex didn’t have to watch, but I can imagine that it was horrible for him. He had to sit there knowing that you were hurting. Can you imagine the scenarios that played through his head? Have you told him what happened? Have you really talked about it?”
“I didn’t want to burden him.” She’d talked to her therapist but only in general terms. She’d told the police, but that was a clinical thing, divorced utterly from the emotions she’d felt. “It should have brought us together. I thought we were strong enough that it would bring us together, but he drifted away from me.”
“And you’re so angry about that,” Grace said. “I would be. I would feel abandoned.”