“They made me watch,” Jesse explained. “They would get me high on heroin and then they would stand me up and force me to watch as they beheaded my brothers.”
No wonder he was a little cuckoo. But he was still the reason she was tied up and he’d still tried to kill her husband. “They gave you heroin so you would look passive, as though you didn’t really care or were even involved in the process.”
“Yeah, I got that. I don’t think Alannah did. None of them did. They all thought I’d turned. They hated me. I just wanted to make my dad proud, you know. I thought I could go into the Army and make something of myself.”
She needed to make connections. He’d just given her a big one. “My husband was in the Army.”
Jesse’s brow furrowed. “Are you talking about Master A?”
And she needed to try to establish a little trust. “Don’t prevaricate, Jesse. I suspect you know a lot about my husband. His name is Alex.”
“Yeah, McKay. I figured that out.”
“Did you know he was a decorated soldier? He served his country just like you.”
His blond head shook shortly. “Not like me.”
“Not exactly, but there are a lot of similarities. He’s been trying to bring down your boss for a long time. Do you want to know why?”
Jesse’s eyes narrowed, and he put the cigarette out. “How do you know about this? He talks to you about his work?”
Otherwise known as the “maybe you’re not so innocent” question. She stepped lightly. “He values me.”
“He beats you.”
She was so done with this crap. Impatience got the best of her. “Mr. Murdoch, you seem to kill people for a living, so I don’t think you have a right to look down on me for my sexual choices. What my husband and I do together is our business, but I will tell you he’s never hurt me in a way I didn’t find pleasurable. We’re not all the same. We don’t all enjoy vanilla sex. Some of us need more, and it doesn’t always have to do with something that went wrong in our childhoods. I was built this way and there’s nothing wrong with me. I enjoy dirty games and a certain level of pain when it comes from the man I love more than my own soul. I make no apologies for the love I make. I will not beg forgiveness for my differentness. I celebrate it. I fight for it.”
He’d blushed a little the minute she’d mentioned the word sex. He ignored all but her last words. “Fight for it?”
Here was where she would get him. Evans had obviously been lying to him. The man had issues with women being hurt. The thought that he’d killed Kristen—god, she hoped that wasn’t so—had torn him up. It was time to give him the truth about his boss. “I was raped and tortured by a man who used my lifestyle against me. He hurt me over and over and told me what a pervert I was, what a whore I was to want what I wanted.”
He flushed again, running a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry to hear that. I…I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I would think you would stay away from it.”
“That was what he wanted. He wanted to take something precious from me, and I wouldn’t let him.” A well of strength seemed to have opened up inside her. She’d been a psychologist studying the human mind for most of her life, but she’d learned that while she could empathize, sometimes things had to be experienced to be fully understood.
She was only his victim as far as she allowed herself to be. She hadn’t been in control of what Evans had done to her, but she was in control of how she reacted. She’d let that monster take too many years from her. She wasn’t going to allow him to take her husband, too.
He nodded and seemed to come to a decision. “Why is your husband doing this?”
Was it time for honesty? “He’s been searching for the man who hurt me for years.”
Jesse’s fists clenched, his eyes tightened. “And this man is here?”
Yes, it was definitely time for honesty. He was on the hook. She just had to reel him in. He could be turned. She could make him an ally instead of an enemy. He could possibly lead them right to Evans. “Yes, Jesse. Your boss kidnapped me and raped and tortured me. Michael Evans did that, and he’s hurt a lot of women. I don’t know what he’s told you, but he’s lying. Alex was the FBI agent who took him down. He’s working in the private sector now, but he still has connections. When we catch Evans, if he’s alive at the end of it, we’ll turn him over.”
Jesse stood up, staring down at her. “That’s impossible.”
“No. Just read the news on him, Jesse. It’s so simple. Look him up on the Internet. Michael Evans is a monster. He’s a rapist and a terrorist, and he’s running drugs through the club we’re working at.”
“I know. That’s exactly why I’ve been hunting him. He’s not my boss. I work for the FBI. Do you understand? I’m not the bad guy. I’m a fed, and you’re a liar.”
Her whole body went cold. “You’re working for the SAC?”