It would kill me inside. But I wouldn’t blame her. One bit.
“Kristen took advantage of you,” Bailey said firmly. “You didn’t consent to that. Imagine how you’d react to this situation if I were in your shoes.”
I huffed. “I wouldn’t be here. I’d be sitting in jail. Literally.” I’d have been cuffed and placed in a holding cell within hours of finding out, and the guy would be six feet under.
With her fingers on my jaw, she turned my face to hers and fixed me with a loving gaze, her eyes serious.
“I don’t understand how you can see that side of it and not extend the same sympathy to yourself. I love you,” she said. “This doesn’t change that. You’re the same person you were yesterday. Or five minutes ago, for that matter.”
The more understanding she was, the worse I felt. “I hope you know I was only trying to protect you.”
Bailey nodded slowly. “I see that now, even if I don’t agree with your tactics.”
“I couldn’t live with myself if you lost out on that scholarship because you were connected to me.”
“I don’t want that scholarship if it means I can’t have you. I’ll take out student loans. I don’t care. That’s fixable. Losing you isn’t.” Her voice wavered, breaking something inside me with it.
“What about the internship? You said it was the kind of thing that could make or break the start of your career.”
“There would be others.”
“It would still be my fault if you lost this one.”
Her brows knit. “First of all, it wouldn’t be your fault. And if anyone blames you after what Kristen did, I don’t want to be associated with them.” Bailey’s bottom lip trembled, and she skimmed her fingertips along my cheek. My heart swelled at the love brimming in her eyes. “Those other things are replaceable, Chase. There’s only one you. I need you.”
“What if this blows up?” I asked. “There’s a good chance it’ll get even more ugly now. Lawsuits, criminal charges, bad publicity. You know Luke is going to come out swinging. If I get dragged through the mud, I don’t want to bring you down with me.”
Who knew what other skeletons Luke might unearth. Nothing else would be as damaging as this, but I was sure the laundry list of girls I’d slept with was a bad enough look in and of itself. I wouldn’t put it past him to hire people to straight up lie, either.
“Loyal to a fault, remember?” She kissed my cheek. “You’re not the only one who’s stubborn. If it comes down to it, I’ll jump into that mud myself.”
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER 58
OceanofPDF.com
AS I AM
Chase
The next morning, I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed to attend an early morning ice time. After crashing hard and sleeping for the first time in a week, leaving the comfort of Bailey’s body beneath warm, cozy blankets was a struggle. I’d regressed to the phase when things were new with us, and I was actively trying not to be a stage-five clinger. Except right now, I wasn’t trying to fight it. I was straight-up, unapologetically clinging. I didn’t want to let her out of my sight.
With practice finally over, I swung back over to her place to pick her up. Because, again, I was static cling city.
After hopping out to open her door and give her a quick hello kiss, I slid back into the driver’s side. We planned to grab an early lunch once we took care of an unpleasant but completely necessary task. Then I’d do my best to forget about everything for a while.
I waited with the truck idling while Bailey buckled her seat belt.
Lifting her chin, she gave me a small smile. “How was practice?”
She was trying a little too hard to sound casual, like it was another ordinary day.
“It was okay.”
That was a white lie. Or a big fat lie, rather, because practice was a tire fire. I hadn’t been on the ice in almost seven days, and it showed. It had been years since I’d gone that long without putting on skates.
To make matters worse, Coach Miller worked me until I nearly keeled over on the ice—probably as payback for my disappearing act. Things went downhill from there when I was hauled into his office afterward and grilled like a goddamn steak over an open flame. Like everyone else in the world, Coach Miller heard about the video, but it was clear he didn’t have the whole story. His interrogation was so invasive, I was surprised he didn’t a strip search me or stick a needle in my arm right then and there to drug test me for good measure. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if I got a call in the next few days for the latter.
He started citing morality clauses, behavior expectations for the school’s varsity athletes, and our team’s code of conduct. Our conversation made a drastic detour when I explained the non-consensual nature of the tape, and then he was more sympathetic than I’d expected. I cut the conversation short and gave him Stewart’s contact information in case he had any more questions. Presumably, dropping the attorney word would put the issue to rest with him and the school’s administration.
“But are you okay?” Bailey prodded, concern across her face.
I met her gaze briefly before breaking away again and gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Yeah, sure. I’m fine.”
Her lips rolled together, making it clear she didn’t believe that, but she said nothing. She knew when and when not to push me, and I loved her for that.
Our drive was largely silent, mostly because I was exhausted on every level imaginable. Between having Stewart in my corner and the fact that, frankly, the team needed me, I wasn’t overly concerned about my spot on the Falcons roster. Los Angeles was another story. My future for next year was up in the air.
While being on a Division I hockey team was like being under a magnifying glass, playing professionally was like living under a high-performance microscope. The scrutiny was next-level. The media, the public, everyone was constantly all over the athletes. I knew that firsthand from my dad. They camped out in front of our house for weeks after he died, shoving their cameras in our faces and yelling at us, trying to get quotes and soundbites. Vultures. I was having flashbacks to that time with all the attention this tape was getting.
On top of all that, I had mixed feelings about the possibility of staying, but I knew it could have been a lot worse. Realistically, keeping my contract and getting to spend another year with Bailey was the best-case scenario.
Ten minutes sped by like ten seconds, and we arrived at our destination before I was ready. I pulled into a vacant visitor space and switched off the ignition. The squat gray brick building stared back at me through the windshield like an insurmountable mountain.
Apprehension bowled me over, and I set my jaw. My hands stuck to the steering wheel like they were being held in place by an invisible force.
“Chase.” Bailey unfastened her seat belt and scooted closer to me. “It’ll be all right.” She covered my hand with hers, her skin soft and cool against mine. “Stewart said it’s straightforward. We’ll go in, give our statements, hand over copies of the text messages and recordings, and we’ll be done in no time.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Let’s get this over with.”
She grabbed her tan purse off the console and held it in her lap, waiting for me. I shifted in my seat but didn’t release my death grip on the leather steering wheel. My brain knew I should get out, but my body wouldn’t cooperate.