“It’s all been handled.” I stilled her. “They took care of Will, and the house is fine. When your mom comes home, she won’t know anything happened.”
She relaxed a little, but it was short term. Her eyes closed, and her forehead wrinkled.
“Kat,” I said. “Kitten, what are you thinking?”
“I killed him.” Tears welled up and spilled down her cheeks. “I killed him, and I didn’t care at all.”
I placed my hands on her bare shoulders. “You did what you had to do, Kat.”
“No. You don’t understand. I didn’t care. And I should care about these kinds of things.” She laughed hoarsely. “Oh God…”
Pain, as real and as potent as any, slammed into me. “Kat—”
“What’s wrong with me? Something is wrong with me. I could’ve just disarmed him and stopped him. I didn’t have to—”
“Kat, he tried to kill you. He shot you. You acted out of self-defense.”
She shook her head, and then she broke. The pain and horror of what she had faced, what she had to do, was etched into her face, and it filled every tear that fell. I made a sound in the back of my throat as I pulled her into my arms, keeping the blankets and all. The tears continued to come as I rocked her, holding her so close.
Kat started to pull free, but I held her. “I’m a monster,” she said. “I’m like Blake.”
The words cut through me. “What? You are nothing like him, Kat. How can you say that?”
“But I am. Blake—he killed because he was desperate. How is what I did any different? It’s not!”
In a state of disbelief, I shook my head. “It’s not the same.”
Kat dragged in air by the lungful. “I’d do it again. I swear I would. If anyone threatened my mom or you, I would. And I knew that after everything that happened with Blake and Adam. That’s not how people react—it’s not right.”
“There’s nothing wrong with protecting those you love,” I argued. “Do you think I’ve enjoyed killing those I have? I haven’t. But I wouldn’t go back and change those things.”
She wiped at her cheeks with the backs of her hands as her shoulders shook. The tears kept coming. “Daemon, it’s different.”
“How is it?” I grasped her face, forcing her to look at me through tear-soaked lashes. “Remember when I took out those two DOD officers at the warehouse? I hated that I did that, but I had no other choice. If they reported back they saw us, it was all over, and I wasn’t going to let them take you.” I chased the tears from her face, catching her gaze when she tried to look away. “And I hated what I have done—I hated every time I’ve taken a life, Arum or human, but sometimes, there is no other choice. You don’t accept it. You don’t become okay with it, but you do come to understand it.”
She grasped my wrists. “But what…what if I was okay with it?”
“You’re not okay with it, Kat.” How could she not see how incredibly not okay with it all she was? “I know you’re not.”
“How can you be so sure?” she whispered.
I smiled a little. “I know you’re good inside. You’re warmth and light and everything I don’t deserve, but you—you believe that I deserve you. Knowing all that I have done in my past to other people and to you, you still believe I deserve you.”
“I—”
“And that’s because you’re good inside—you’ve always been and will be.” I slipped my hands down to her shoulders. “There is nothing you can say or do that will change that. So grieve what you had to do. Mourn it, but never, ever blame yourself for things that are beyond your control. Now get the rest of that crap out of your head, because you’re so much better than that. You’re more than that.”
The tears slowed, and those stormy eyes turned soft. Still shaking, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. My fingers tightened on her shoulders. Kissing her—hell, kissing her was something that I’d feared I would never experience again. I could taste her tears on her lips and a rising, heightened yearning. The kiss deepened, and it was different, so very different from all the times before.
Because there were a hundred emotions pouring into the kisses—hope for a tomorrow and for a real future, acceptance of each other, and so much pent-up longing that it threatened to swallow us whole, and damn, I wanted to be swallowed. I wanted it to drag us down.
Kat pulled back. Our eyes locked. I cupped her cheek and spoke three short words in my own language, words that were powerful but still didn’t match what I felt for her.
“What did you say?” she asked.