“You really didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” Chris asked. “I told you that I don’t know why they sent Brett’s belongings to me. I was listed second. You were first. It was a mistake, and I knew you’d want to have his things.”
Jacob nodded and shouldered the bag, which felt like a million pounds. Brett hadn’t had any family. He’d had no one but his unit. Jacob had felt the same way, which was part of what had bonded them so tightly. He opened his mouth to thank Chris for bringing the bag all this way, but he found he couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat, the one that felt as big as a regulation-size football.
Chris clasped him on the shoulder. They hugged, and then Chris was gone. Jacob stood there, registering the low hum of everyday noise in the background. The water lapping the shore. The slight wind rustling the pines. The talk and laughter of the people nearby. A boat motor.
Normal life. And it was going on around him as if completely unaware he’d stepped off the merry-go-round.
He wanted to set the bag aside and force Sophie to talk to him. At the very least he could help finish the cleanup. He wanted to jump back into that “normal life,” the one that had just started to fit him like a glove.
But it was like a switch had been flipped inside of him and normal no longer applied.
“Where’s Jacob?”
Sophie turned at the question. The last of everything was loaded up and she was just about out of there. Her head hurt. Her body hurt.
Her heart hurt.
And Hud stood at her side, looking around. “Have you seen him?” he asked.
Yes, she had, and she was trying not to think about it.
“He was saying good-bye to Chris,” Kenna piped up. “And it looked pretty serious. Chris handed him a duffel bag that apparently belonged to someone named Brett. He died in the line of duty during an incident where both Jacob and Chris were injured and was like a brother to Jacob.” She winced a little and met Hud’s eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“How do you know all this?” Hud asked.
“Because I eavesdropped.”
Sophie hadn’t been close enough to eavesdrop, but she’d been able to read Jacob’s expression.
Devastation. “He thought of Brett as a brother,” she said quietly. “He feels like he’s lost two brothers in his lifetime.”
Hud blew out a breath and closed his eyes. “I haven’t been easy on him.”
Sophie thought of Jacob saying “I love you” so easily. How his eyes had told her he’d meant it. How he’d been willing to take what she could offer without asking or expecting more, all while giving Sophie everything he had. And she’d taken. And taken. Until she’d gotten spooked and let Lucas shake her, let him put doubts in her head. Doubts Jacob hadn’t deserved. Yet she’d used those doubts to walk away, to keep her heart safe.
Safe but not happy—in spite of the fact that she’d promised herself she was over that. “I haven’t been easy on him either,” she whispered. “I need to fix that.”
“Me too,” Hud said.
Sophie nodded. Spinning on a heel, she headed to the cabin. To her great relief, she found Jacob in his room, zipping up one of his duffel bags. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey.” But he didn’t look at her, and she felt her heart lurch. “What are you doing?”
He shouldered the bag and turned to her. “What does it look like?”
“Okay,” she said. “I’m going to give you an ass pass because we both know I was an ass first.”
He shouldered the second duffel bag like neither weighed a thing. The irony wasn’t lost on her. For a very long time now, this was how he’d survived, by packing light, both physically and metaphorically.
But she also knew that he was fooling himself if he thought he could just leave. He loved it here in Cedar Ridge, and no matter what his grim, closed-off expression told the world, he wanted to be here with his family.
And hopefully her. “Don’t go,” she said. “Not like this. Your family—”
“I have to go.”
Her heart stuttered to a stop. Her entire world stuttered to a stop. “Why?”
“I called in. Cut my leave short. I’m shipping out to finish my tour.”
“You tell everyone?”
“My mom knows. I’m going to see her on the way out. I just this very second texted Hud, so he’s hopefully on his way over.”
“I was with him,” she said. “He’s…giving me a minute with you.” Or so she hoped. “Jacob, what about after? When you’re finished. You’re coming back, right?”
He turned to look around the cabin as if making sure he wasn’t leaving anything behind. Which they both knew was ridiculous. He was always careful to leave nothing of himself behind. She tried not to resent that since this was all her own doing. “Jacob.”
“The way I get through this is by not looking too far ahead,” he said.
She swallowed hard. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you on the beach. I’d like to listen now.”
“I don’t have time.”
She nodded as her poor, abused heart took another hard tumble. “What about the cabin?”
He held out his hand. For an instant she thought he was reaching out to touch her, but he was handing her a set of keys.
She stared down at them and then lifted her head in confusion.