She stopped two steps away from him, just out of reach. “So you’re really leaving.” Her green eyes accused him, making his gut clench tighter as guilt tangled around the knot already there.
He tried to shrug it off, to make some flippant comment about it being time since he’d done what he came to do, but he couldn’t. Not with her eyes flashing green fire at him—fire that couldn’t quite hide the pain lingering behind the sparks.
She deserved the truth from him. It might not change anything, but he’d not tuck tail and run with so much unsaid between them.
“You should at least wait until Sheriff Tabor gets back,” she said before he could find the words he sought. “Deputy Lang mentioned there was a reward for finding the gold. That money belongs to you.”
Mal shook his head. “Nah. The gold was in your house, and I destroyed most of the basement to get to it. Keep what you need to make repairs and give the rest to Flora. She and Ned need a chance to make a fresh start.”
“But what if I need you again?” Something broke in her voice this time, as if her control was as much of an illusion as his was.
His gaze flew to hers. Moisture glistened. Not tears, Emma. Please. I’ll never make it if you cry.
Even as the thought ran through his head, she blinked the moisture away and straightened her shoulders. His brave little soldier once again. Somehow that made his heart ache all the more.
Stepping closer, he took her hand and clasped it between both of his. “I’ll come whenever you call, Em. You know I will. I . . .” He glanced down at the dirt, then forced his gaze back up to her face. “I love you. I think I have since the day you found me shivering in your aunts’ barn and told me you were gonna keep me.” Mal shook his head and ducked his chin. “I want to keep you, Em. More than I ever wanted anything in my life.”
She gave a little gasp, and her free hand flew to cover her mouth as if reliving the kiss they’d shared . . . and the truth it had revealed.
He stroked her fingers, surrounding their coolness with the warmth of his palms even as his heart cracked straight down the middle. “But you have a life here. An important life ministering to women who need you. It’s your calling. Your God-given purpose. I’d never ask you to leave that. It’s who you are.”
Her hand fell away from her mouth, revealing a bottom lip that trembled. “Oh, Malachi. I love you, too. With all my heart.”
Joy, bittersweet and sharp, stabbed through him at her words. If only there was a way . . .
She reached out and caressed his jaw, her touch sending shivers over his skin. “You’re the best man I’ve ever known, Malachi. I owe you more than I can ever repay.”
Mal slowly wagged his head, careful not to shake off her touch. “You don’t owe me a thing, Em. You saved my life. Gave me a family. Made me believe I was worth more than the gutter trash everyone always compared me to. Fighting off a no-good outlaw doesn’t even make a dent in that debt.”
She shook her head at him and dug her teeth into her bottom lip. Then she twisted away from him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Do you promise?” she blurted.
At this moment, he’d promise her anything if it was in his power to grant. “Promise what?”
“To come. If I need you.”
He sagged with relief. That he could promise. All day long. “Yes. I promise.” He cupped her upper arms. “All you have to do is send word, and I’ll be here. I swear it.”
“You better.”
He grinned and bent close to touch his lips to her forehead. Man, but he loved it when she got all bossy on him.
He started to back away, sure that if he didn’t leave now, he’d never find the strength to do so. But Emma reached out and clasped his arm.
“Malachi?”
He swallowed and turned to face her. “Yeah?”
“I need you.”
His heart thumped an awkward beat. What was she saying?
She said it again. Louder this time. Imperious. “I. Need. You.”
“Em, I don’t understand. . . .”
She closed the distance between them with one long step, released his arm, and grabbed him around the waist, holding him as if she planned to make him her prisoner. Then she tipped her head back and glared up at him. “You promised you would come if I needed you. Well, I need you. Today. Tomorrow. The next day. I’m going to need you forever.”
“But what about your ladies? You can’t just abandon your work.” Though in that moment he wanted her to. Wanted her to choose him over her ministry, God forgive him. But that wasn’t right. It was selfish. Greedy. Mal reached for her arms and tried to pry them away from his midsection. “You belong in Harper’s Station, Em. I belong in a railroad camp. There’s no way for us to be together.”
“What if there was a way?” She threw the words at him like a hunter taking down a buck, and heaven help him if he didn’t feel the blow straight through his chest. “Would you stay, then?”