“I know you went to see her. You think I don’t know.” Jonnie sat up and looked at his face, her expression unreadable to Don. Jonnie waited for Don to speak, but he didn’t. Instead he closed his eyes and put back his head, like he might sleep. She wanted to scream at him, but instead she studied his old face in the full light of day. He had thick lines in his forehead and beside his nose like war paint. Instead of being a uniform brown his skin was a dozen colors of brown merged together like the thousand dots in a painting. He was still pretty to her though he could easily be someone’s grandfather. She had thought that the age difference didn’t matter, but she’d been wrong. She would always be superior to him. She would see a world (because she would outlive him by decades) that he would never see.
What she hadn’t counted on was that she would always be a few steps behind him, never knowledgeable enough about the good music, a stranger to the lean and hungry times that sounded like an all-night party in the retelling. That past life she had access to only through the tales from her mother. Girls far less beautiful than she was had much more. Jonnie knew this. She understood the unfairness of it all in every direction. To have to rely on a nice face was one burden. Worse still was to be constantly disappointed by it. But she had found a little bit, not much, but a little bit of a life that felt like it could be a regular one, with regular cares—dinner and dirty clothes, a schedule, the annoying routines of living with a man. The idea that someone could take this little bit from her was suffocating. Before Jonnie had come home to live, before the baby, she had worked in a restaurant in Charlotte—an upscale place—where groups of young people her age would order drinks and finger food, spend what amounted to her grocery money for a week, for a meal that wasn’t even a meal, but bits of a meal. She served them, smiled at them. The men glanced at her, watched her walk from the table, but she was to them as important as the basket of pita bread.
Don opened his eyes like he was a little surprised to find Jonnie still staring at him. He recovered quickly, but she saw the guilt in his face. She had been guessing that Don had gone to see Sylvia, but his reaction confirmed to her that she was right.
“I’ve had a lot of life before you, Jonnie. It doesn’t just go away.”
“And you’ll have a lot after me too, is that it?” Jonnie got up from the couch to the bedroom, clicked the door behind her.
Don was tempted to follow her to start a train of lies Jonnie would believe because she wanted to, but he didn’t have the heart for it. He was tired. Had it finally happened that women had worried the hell out of him? He picked up his keys and went out the door. His relationship with Jonnie would not end this easily. These things never do. But both of them were on notice that their days together were short.
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Mommies2B.com
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Hey everybody! I am in my fifth week of pregnancy. At the doctor’s office today I had my blood taken and just checked my weight for the heck of it. I weigh the same, but it will come, I hope. Who would have thought I’d ever be waiting for the scale to go up! Life, right?
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This is not my first time as I told you. Maybe it’s the hormones or maybe I’m just an idiot—that is a distinct possibility—but I’m feeling good about it. My marriage is falling apart. Actually that’s a lie, it cracked open a long time ago, but we are finally at the point where we can tell each other how much we hate the other. I’m kind of looking forward to that. LOL. I feel relief like I just crawled out from under something heavy! Don’t get me wrong, I’m hurt. It is all too dramatic to tell you about here, but I know I’ll make it. Does that make sense? I feel lighter. Anyway, I know this isn’t a divorce site!
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Let me tell you about my doctor’s visit. I sat beside a girl in the waiting room, she had to be twenty, twenty-two at the most. She was practically naked with these tiny little shorts, flip-flops, and a halter. In May for God’s sake. She looked like she couldn’t wait to get her clothes off. You know it’s not that damn hot LOL! Of course if I had her body I might take any excuse to go around naked too. She was perfect, everybody. She looked like those pregnant women you see on television—a size two except for the baby, perfect glossy hair that she had in a doughnut on top of her head, and I’m talking young. I was sitting to the right of her and I couldn’t help but feel like the after shot. You know what I mean? I’m not that old in ordinary life, pretty young, but not at the OBGYN’s office. This girl was at least fifteen years younger than me. But who knows. When you get in your thirties you can’t tell how old anybody is anymore. Women look eighteen or thirty-one. I just can’t tell unless it is really obvious. You know what I mean? Anyway, this girl was all by herself like I was, but no mother with her, no ring, no boyfriend. I hope she’ll be okay. I felt for her. You know? I hope she’s not going through all this alone. But man, if I was a baby, I’m much rather ride around in that package. Ha, ha! Do you know my chart says elderly and geriatric maternal age? Elderly! Can you believe that? Despite the fact that all my sentences end in exclamations! Would an elderly person do that? If you met me, you would have no idea I was the same person as on this site. Keep your fingers crossed! Ava2WW
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Right on! Ava2WW! Baby dust! Baby Luv Jon
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So happy for you! Katie’sMom
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Sorry about your husband. I’ve had one of those, but I cut that ZERO and traded up! Don’t worry about it. I’m so excited for you! Just concentrate on the baby. Great news! BellasMOM
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Ava 2WW, so happy to hear things are going well. I am trying again, but nothing yet. I’ve got a little girl, but I want a boy too. I know what you mean about being the AFTER! I’m 36 and I already feel like I’m late to the party. I have a niece who is nineteen and expecting. I look like a grandma compared to her. LOL! I’ve been trying for many years too. I know I should be grateful for my baby and I am, believe me. But the first time I was pregnant with my Phoebe (eleven years old in two months) I got pregnant the first time I tried. You get cocky when that happens. Let me tell you. I told that story so many times when I was expecting. I never thought about how hurtful it might have been to women trying and trying for years. Like ME! Live and learn or live and don’t learn. Either way. I’m hoping for the learning. LOL. Good luck, good luck. Keep us posted. And I’ll let you know the absolute second Baby 2 decides to show up? WISHING4TWO
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I hope you all get what you want. Mom 2 B
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Hey, WISHING4TWO. You were so lucky with your first one. I’m sorry about the second. Don’t give up. Don’t give up. You and others on this site keep me hopeful and encouraged. I would be so alone without you. They gave me progesterone suppositories to try to keep the pregnancy, but things look good. Anybody use those? My HCG numbers are increasing (they didn’t last time) even doubling every day. Things look great. I have no symptoms, no morning sickness. I’ve read too much not to be worried about that, but the doctor says everything is fine. Fine! Have other people had no morning sickness and a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby? Anybody? I would love to hear your stories. If I can give you hope, that’s what I want to do! AVA2WW
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