“Nicos. What he’s doing to you. What he’s doing to that poor man.” She was managing to keep her voice steady. It was more than she would have been able to do two hours ago. “How we’re going to stop it.”
He stood there in the doorway, staring at her. “That’s what you said up on deck. Or something like it.” His lips tightened. “Along with some other things that made no sense to me at all. I can’t grasp this complete turnaround. After you went down, I talked to Cambry to see if I could get a clue what happened with you. He said that when he talked to you earlier, you were still as determined as ever. What changed?”
She sat up in bed, tossed the cover aside, and tucked her legs beneath her nightshirt. “Nothing changed. Everything’s as it’s always been. You just didn’t realize it. And I didn’t have any idea that Juan Salva would do something to trigger it.”
“Don’t tell me that,” he said harshly. “Something changed. Stop the double-talk and tell me what it was. It’s been driving me crazy trying to figure it out. You said I screwed up. You said something about me not taking a step farther after I found out everything about you.”
Her lips curved in a ghost of a smile. “That would bother you. You’d hate to think the failure was yours. All that searching, all your hard work, and you missed the most important thing that would have given you everything.” She shrugged. “But don’t feel bad; it’s not too late.”
“What did I miss?” he asked through clenched teeth. “I have to know what the hell set you off and made you act as if you were—” He stopped. “Tell me.”
“Sure.” She smiled without mirth. “It’s my so-called gift that allows me to join, meld with animals. It comes with a side effect. Quite a reasonable and natural one when you come to think of it.” She met his eyes. “I’m very empathetic. I identify not only with an animal with whom I’m trying to join but sometimes with people. Almost certainly if there’s high emotion or intense mental pain involved. I can’t avoid it. I can’t dismiss it. It becomes a part of me. I have to accept it and then hope I can find a way to stop the pain.” She paused. “Your pain, Lassiter.”
“That’s crazy,” he said roughly. “Why should you be caught up with what I’m feeling? I can handle it myself. I don’t need anyone else. Hell, after everything I’ve done to you, there’s no way you can even give a damn what happens to me.”
“That’s why I wasn’t worried. At first, I was uneasy, even afraid, and definitely on edge around you. I knew that would keep me from identifying with you. But things have changed lately. I wasn’t afraid any longer. I … trusted you.” She moistened her lips. “But I would still have been all right if Salva hadn’t sent you that photo earlier. It was too powerful. It blew you out of the water. It blew me out of the water.”
“I could see that.” He was silent. “I still don’t see how it could do that to you. How does it work, Margaret?”
“I explained it to you as well as I could. At times I feel what other people are feeling. Not all the time, not every person. There has to be a certain amount of—I have to feel at ease with them. I have to be able to identify with their emotions. Look, it’s not as if I read their minds or anything like that. I just sometimes feel what they’re feeling if it’s particularly intense.”
“And how long have you known you could do this?”
She shrugged. “Much later than when I realized I was bonding with animals. I was maybe nine or ten. I wasn’t around very many people, so it didn’t really show itself. Like I said, this isn’t really like that; it’s just a kind of side effect.”
“Evidently not a comfortable one,” he said grimly. “Not for me, either. It’s not as if I couldn’t solve my own problems, Margaret.”
“And you’re resenting it. It hurts your pride. Too bad. You shouldn’t have started all this if you didn’t want to accept everything that went along with it. If it makes you feel better, usually I can’t tell what the hell you’re thinking. That’s why it came as such a shock when your damn feelings reached out and grabbed me. No way did I want that to happen. Didn’t you wonder why I didn’t dig harder into why you were going after Nicos? I tried not to ask questions. I didn’t want to know if there was a good reason why you had done all this. I wanted to focus only on the thought that you’d invaded my space and threatened me with a horror I’d left behind me. And yes, you’re tough. That’s what I kept telling myself when I was trying to convince myself that I had to ignore what was tearing you apart. You’re tough; you could handle it.” She wearily reached up to brush the hair back from her forehead. “It didn’t make any difference. It’s something ingrained in me. No, probably a part of my rather peculiar DNA. As long as I can sense that pain, I can’t close my eyes to it. It rips me to pieces. It won’t leave me alone. I have to try to stop it.” She straightened on the bed and met his eyes. “And I’m surprised that you’re worried about how and why when I’ve told you what’s most important to you. I’ll do whatever you want to keep Nicos from causing any more pain.”
He was silent a moment. “I’m surprised myself. I guess I was still in shock from the way you attacked me up on the bridge. You looked as if I’d crucified you. But you were definitely on the offensive.”
“I had to get it done quickly and get away from you. Crucified? Yes, that’s a good description.” She gestured to the chair beside the bed. “We should talk. I have to know everything now. You might as well sit down, instead of standing there glaring at me. None of this is my fault. And, for once, none of this particular portion of the mess is your fault, either. It’s just the way it has to be.”
“Then why do I feel guilty?”
“That’s your problem. It might have something to do with kidnapping me outside that tiger’s cage.”
He dropped down in the chair and studied her expression. “I’ve never seen you look like this. Hard…”
“Not really. I’m just trying to get through this and hold it all together. I won’t let myself be changed by anything you do to me or that Nicos does.”
He smiled crookedly. “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t group us together.”
“I can see why, considering what he’s doing to that man in the photo.” She shuddered as she remembered that brutalized body. “A friend?”
He nodded. “Sean Patrick.” He was silent and then said, “More than a friend.”
“Patrick…” she repeated. Then she remembered. “He was the CIA agent who kept you out of prison when you were a teenager.”