“My father was benignly neglectful, and when I needed him—when Harriett needed him—he would not lift a finger to help,” Julia cried, her voice rising to a pitch that heralded tears. “Now I am in a position to help, and I will not walk away. Mrs. Dunwitty, if you have come hoping to persuade me to return home or to abandon these children, then you should know that I will do neither.”
Mrs. Dunwitty nodded and said nothing. After a moment, Julia moved back behind the screen. She took a moment to compose herself, then finished washing. When she’d dressed in a clean chemise and come around the screen, Mrs. Dunwitty waited with Julia’s robe and some linen she’d torn into bandages. “And yet,” she said quietly after she’d bandaged Julia’s arm and held out the robe, “you are in love with Wraxall.”
Julia started. “I most certainly—”
Mrs. Dunwitty raised her hand. “Do not bother to deny it. I saw him with those children just now. I fell half in love with him. And it was still in your eyes when you closed the door.”
“I can’t love him. I’ve only known him a handful of days.”
“And you think there are rules to falling in love?” Mrs. Dunwitty laughed. “Even if there were, you would not follow them. But you must hear me in this, Juliana.”
At the serious note in her voice, Julia looked up.
“You must not go to bed with him.”
Julia thought she would tip over from mortification. This was worse than when her mother had tried to explain where babies come from. “Please stop,” she begged.
“Let me say my piece.”
“Must you?”
“It is clear to me you want him in your bed, and I have no doubt he wants to be there, but if you sleep with him, it will be that much harder to let him go. The children have already become attached to him. Do not allow yourself to become any more attached or you will not be able to support them in their grief because you will be mired in your own.”
Mrs. Dunwitty was correct, of course. She knew this. It had never been her plan to become attached to Neil nor to allow the boys to become attached to him. And yet somehow he had found a way into all of their hearts. But she was not so young and innocent as to delude herself into believing he would stay simply because she wished he would. She was not so foolish as to ask him to stay because even if he desired to stay, she had no room in her life for a man. She might fancy herself in love with him, but that did not mean she trusted him or that she could count on him. He had proven himself to be trustworthy and dependable thus far, but in the end, he would fail her. Every other man in her life had.
“The boys are my sole concern,” Julia said. “He has been a good influence on them, but we must all prepare ourselves for his departure. Now that we are safe from some of the more dangerous occupants of Spitalfields, I believe Mr. Wraxall intends to see to the roof repairs and be gone.”
“Good. In my opinion, the sooner the better. The last thing you should ever do is allow him too many liberties or an entrée into your bed.”
Julia’s cheeks flamed. Dear God, she would say her prayers faithfully for a year if Mrs. Dunwitty would only speak of something else. Anything else.
“I see you are tired, so I will leave you to rest. We shall discuss the boys’ lessons in the morning. Their arithmetic is not bad, but their reading is very poor indeed. Shockingly poor.”
And with that the woman left Julia in peace.
*
Neil hadn’t intended to be standing in the corridor outside Juliana’s chamber when Mrs. Dunwitty emerged. He quickly tried to look as though he had some purpose for being there—ostensibly to check on the little boys—but he feared he failed miserably when Mrs. Dunwitty stopped and gave him a pointed look.
“Mr. Wraxall, do not think I do not know what you are doing here.”
“I wanted to make certain the boys—”
She dismissed his excuse with a wave. “I have spoken with my former charge and warned her against your charms.”
Neil raised a brow. “My charms?”
“Yes. More to the point, I told her specifically not to allow you into her bed. Knowing that girl, the more I tell her not to do something, the more likely she is to do it. And so I will warn you as well to stay away from Lady Juliana. Go back to your rooms and go to sleep.”
“Yes, Mrs. Dunwitty.”
“Good night, then.” And she started for her own rooms at a clipped pace.
Neil was accustomed to following orders, and he almost turned to follow the lady, as they both had chambers in the servants’ quarters. But then he paused to wonder why Juliana’s former governess would tell her charge not to allow him into her bed if that would only make her more likely to do so. And if she made such a blunder, why would she make her mistake known to him?
Did the lady want him to seduce Juliana? Rather, further seduce Juliana? Was she playing matchmaker? If so, this was a rather unorthodox method, since, for all she knew, he might get Juliana with child and then leave her to suffer the consequences.
But if she thought him capable of such behavior, she would have undoubtedly thrown him out on his ear already. He had no doubt she was capable of that and much more.
Which still left him standing in the corridor wondering what he was about. He didn’t need to check on the little boys. Robbie had seen to that. Their room was dark and quiet, as was the older boys’ dormitory. The boys, even Billy, slept in clean beds under warm blankets. Their bellies were full—or reasonably so, considering young boys were never really full—and they were safe from the likes of Slag and his men. Neil hadn’t considered how truly remarkable this orphanage was. He had not spent much time in any orphanage, but even he knew that they were little more than dens of disease and misery. If what he had seen of orphans on the streets of London was any indication, the children were unwashed, practically starving, and dressed in rags.
Of course, there were a few orphans who were left at institutions accompanied by funds to be used for the rearing of the child. But as there was virtually no oversight, those who ran the orphanages were free to use the funds for whatever they liked, which was, more often than not, lining their own pockets.
But here was a place that had likely been as miserable and wretched as any other orphanage in London, and Lady Juliana had come in and made it a haven. She had few funds from the board of directors, and so all the improvements she had done she must have paid for herself. The children were clean, fed, and looked after. Now that Slag was dead, Billy and Walter were safe from being coerced into joining his gang. And Juliana was in part responsible for Slag’s demise too.
Neil had walked into the orphanage and seen all the potential dangers for the daughter of an earl. Thus, he had failed to see all the ways she had provided security for these children who would have been out on the streets of London had she not stepped in. No wonder she had resisted his help initially. She did not need one more outsider trying to save her when the real danger was what would happen to the children if she returned to Mayfair.
And he still had not answered his own question as to what he was doing pacing outside her bedchamber. For all intents and purposes, his work here was done. St. Maur could hire men to repair the roof. It wasn’t as though Neil knew anything about roof repair. He would have hired men himself. Of course, he’d planned to supervise the work and keep an eye on Juliana at the same time, but now that Slag was no longer a threat, she didn’t really need him. He could try and persuade her to go home to her father, but that was a losing battle. Neil didn’t make a habit of fighting battles he could not win.
She probably wouldn’t care if he told her she still wasn’t safe. New threats could come at any time, but he couldn’t live here permanently, just in case she needed protection again.