“You’re not even trying, Luna.”
“I am,” she snapped back, annoyed with him for being stronger than her, and annoyed with herself for getting captured in the first place.
“Lie to yourself, but don’t lie to me.”
The more he spoke, the more agitated she became to the point that she was over whatever lesson this was and just wanted him to let her go.
A now familiar blankness seemed to fall over him as he asked, “How far do I have to go?”
Whatever response she’d thought to muster was stuck in her throat, and without meaning to, she had frozen beneath him, fearing the implication of his words.
He wouldn’t hurt her, not like that.
But as his he shifted her wrists to one hand, using the other to fist her shirt, whatever spell had frozen her in place broke.
“Let me go.”
“The objective is to make me release you, not because you asked nicely.”
The challenge was clear in his voice, and even in his actions because despite the way she trembled with rage, he was still pushing her shirt up, the cool air of the room kissing the bare flesh of her stomach.
All too soon, she felt panic engulfing her, her heartbeat echoing in her ears, but she shoved it down, refusing to break.
She was not going to be a victim again.
Drawing her legs back, she attempted to get some leverage under her, roll them until she was on top and could more easily break the hold he had on her, but the move only made him press closer.
She was trapped.
“Get off!” she forced out between gritted teeth, her movements gone erratic.
“Take a breath.”
A distant part of her heard his words, but she was too focused on being captured and the feel of his weight on top of her. The rational part of her knew that it was Kit, but the panicked part could only grasp that it was a man laying over her, ignoring her pleas to move.
God, that weight was such a sickening reminder, and worse it was how familiar it all was, and she hated that.
How helpless she had been …
Luna was suddenly free as Kit shot to his feet, her skin cold where his hands had been.
“Get out of your head,” he said, his disappointment clear, even as he extended a hand to help her up.
But she didn’t accept it as she struggled to her feet on shaky legs, just walked past him out of the gym, even as he called her name.
Because in the end, nothing was greater than the disappointment she felt in herself.
Luna wasn’t upset that Kit had bested her—that outcome was inevitable. She was upset because she instead of finding a way out of the hold he had her in, she had panicked, and he’d let her go. Worse, she hadn’t been able to remain near him after, too afraid to see more of that disappointment reflected in his gaze.
Leaving him, she was able to escape to her room, barely paying attention to anyone she passed. Even as she paced the floor, she knew she needed to go back down, face him, and try again.
She owed it to herself.
If she could survive three years with Lawrence, she could survive a round with Kit.
But the panic …
The second she had felt trapped, she’d become powerless, too afraid to even think of a way to save herself.
A knock at the door had her looking up, only to find Aidra standing there in the mouth of the doorway, her expression neutral. Unbidden, she looked past her, expecting to see someone else come in behind her.
Aidra noticed where Luna’s gaze had drawn with a slight smile. “I’m afraid it’s just me this time.”
Clearing her throat, trying to keep her face clear of any emotion, Luna asked, “Is he looking for me? Do I need to go back to the gym?”
“I’m sure he knows where you are, and in regard to your last question … well, that’s entirely up to you, isn’t it? It is your choice, after all.”
“Right.”
But it didn’t feel like a choice, not really.
It felt inevitable.
She wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever, especially not when he was in charge of her training. Besides, this was his home, not to mention that he lived a floor above her.
Aidra was quiet a moment before she said, “It’s never easy the first time—or any time after, really. The fear is always there, ready to drown you should the slightest touch evoke memories that are better left forgotten.”
Since she had arrived at the chateau, Luna didn’t think Aidra had ever said something quite so personal. At first, she had thought it was because the other woman didn’t care to get to know her, but she soon realized that was just who she was.
“But don’t let it defeat you,” Aidra continued. “Someone once told me that the war isn’t over until it’s over—don’t throw in the towel.”
“Thank you,” Luna said, meaning it.
Aidra stood. “Don’t thank me just yet. Kit won’t go easy on you because you’re afraid. Trust me, I know.”
Luna figured it was safe to assume that Aidra had studied under Kit once.