She laughed and rolled her eyes. “A MetroCard. It’s very exclusive, I can’t tell you.”
“She likes to tease,” he said, a goofy look on his face. Suddenly he frowned and, biting his bottom lip, asked if Hank was coming.
“Nope, it’s just us,” I responded, causing him to release his lip and unleash that smile again. I melted. Natalie the beard spotted my reaction and gave me a knowing smirk as we entered the lot.
She was really quite refreshing. Wide-eyed like a kid in a candy shop. She didn’t pretend for one second to be cool or unaffected. She oohed and aahed, and when my friend picked us up in a too-small golf cart, she peppered him with a million questions about the set and the studio, hopping right onto Jeremy’s lap as if she’d been sitting there all her life. They certainly didn’t seem like they’d met only a few days ago. This had rebound fling written all over it, which just increased the odds that this would all blow up in our faces. If Jeremy was going to love her and leave her, I needed to know, so that we could take measures to stop her from talking to the press. There really is no rest for the publicist. When she went to change into her dress I came right out and asked him, “So, you slept with her already?” I fixed his tie as he made kissy faces at me, mocking my inquiry.
“Of course not, Albert. You know she’s not my type.”
The photographer was testing the light and Jeremy asked him to take a picture of us. We smiled for the camera and he threw his arm around me. “This guy is the love of my life!” He grabbed my face and gave me a big smooch, right on the lips!
I swatted him away. “Okay, okay, quit fooling around—you know what Hank said about kissing dudes!”
“Whatever. Who needs Hank Haberman!” he shouted, full of bravado.
I laughed. We both knew the answer to that. But I appreciated how he treated me. He really was the best guy. He had this way about him that made you feel special, as if you were the star. Very few people recognized this in him; they couldn’t see past the smile, the hair, the abs, and that cool strut of his to what was inside.
Natalie came back in the little black dress. She looked stunning. It was something different from Hollywood stunning. She lit up as she looked to Jeremy as though to say, “Do I look okay?” There was something so sweet about her. She didn’t seem to want anything from him.
“You know, actually, I can see you with a girl like her more than I ever could with your ex,” I said as he looked at her longingly.
“Me too, but she doesn’t see me like that.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“It’s true. She’s totally great, I really like her. But she’s stuck on this ex of hers. I wish I could erase this whole week from my mind. Between being cheated on and now this rejection, I feel…horrible. Let’s just get this over with.”
I snapped into action and made everything happen quickly. The last thing I needed on my hands was a depressed actor, and at this point I just felt bad for him. He was so much more fragile than he seemed. Within minutes we had the perfect shots, including plenty of close-ups where, with a little help from Photoshop, you wouldn’t be able to tell the set backdrop from that at the premiere. I pretended I had pressing matters to discuss with Jeremy so he would have an excuse to leave with me instead of her, and we were out. Natalie looked disappointed, but I didn’t care. Better she should be disappointed than my guy.
I was home by dinnertime, sitting on my couch with my boyfriend, eating takeout from Havana Shanghai, this delish Chinese-Cubano place up the block. All in all, the day was as painless as possible. Until 7:30 that night, when the pain came on tenfold, set to the ever-familiar Entertainment Tonight theme song.
You know the one—don’t make me sing it.
“SEE EXCUSIVE VIDEO AS HEARTTHROB JEREMY MADISON REVEALS HIS NOT-SO-SECRET LOVE, HIS PUBLICIST ALBERT STEIN, ONLY ON ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT!”
Maybe you saw this coming. Obviously, I did not. Someone at the film studio had had a camera, caught Jeremy proclaiming his love for me, and sold it to Entertainment Tonight. While gays of the world rejoiced, I choked on my Cuban pork dumpling, my boyfriend threw a glass of very expensive wine in my face and stormed out, and Jeremy called my cell in a total panic.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Someone filmed me saying ‘Who needs Hank Haberman!’?” He was completely irrational. “I need Hank Haberman! I need Hank Haberman! He’s going to drop me. I’m coming over!”
“Don’t come over!” I said, dabbing at my face. “You’ll make it worse! We can’t be seen together!” He’d already hung up. Reaching into my pocket for a Xanax to nibble on, I frantically texted him to stay away, but faster than the delivery boy from Havana Shanghai, Jeremy appeared at my door. I braced myself for more hysteria, but he seemed fine.
“You’ve calmed down,” I said suspiciously.