More than anything else, he'd put me above his own club, and after I'd treated him like total shit too.
Sure, I could try to ignore these raging uncertainties tearing through me. I'd tried to do that plenty when the liquid heat flowed through me every time I looked at him too long, studying the fierce dark ink scrawled on his hard skin.
But I couldn't ignore the fact that he'd done me right. He'd truly protected me, and not just for his own selfish reasons.
A man fighting for himself wouldn't fight like Brass did. He fought for me, and only me, putting himself against blades and blows without a care for himself.
Didn't that count for something? I shook my head, unwilling to accept the obvious answer in my screwed up brain.
I was still staring at the ground when he rounded the truck, banging on its metal side with one fist. “I'm done. Let's hit the road.”
“Are you sure about that?” I reached into the driver's side and grabbed the water he'd left behind, holding it out to him. “Here. Something to rinse away the taste.”
He popped the cap and chugged it. Stray water sprayed out the corners of his lips, rolling down his cut, saturating the t-shirt he had on underneath it. The droplets drew my eyes to his body, the muscles I owed a debt to that I tried so hard to forget.
Jesus, he was strong. It was one thing just to see it on him, but to know what those fists could do...
His knuckles were scratched, but his hands were still big, strong, and masculine. Untouched. Unbeaten. My thoughts went rampant, imagining what they'd feel like wrapped around my waist, or hooked around my back, sliding to my ass.
That's it, Missy. This is when you've officially lost your mind.
I couldn't argue with the voice in my head. But the day dreams on the other side wouldn't stop humming. I absentmindedly ran my tongue over my lips, wondering how he'd taste. How would those powerful slabs of meat on his bones twitch and jerk if I put my tongue to them? My lips? My teeth?
A cool breeze blew as he started to walk back to the passenger side and climbed in. It hit me right in the middle, near the waist, pushing against my jeans. I shuddered, realizing how wet these stupid, dangerous thoughts were making me.
I shouldn't have been falling for the good cop. No matter how hard he fought and tried to protect me, I had to remember that's what he was in the end. He was one of them, part of my prison. He was the smooth side of my cage, holding me in rough uncertainty.
And not just me, but Jackie too – the most unforgivable thing of all.
If it were just me...I might've done something really stupid. I might have thrown my hand on his, pulled him close, and kissed him while I thanked him for what he'd done.
But until my sister was free, I wasn't doing anything. These mad, mad fantasies couldn't run amok, couldn't make me do something that would only delay our freedom.
I forced my hands to the wheel and drove when he gave the signal. We didn't talk much on the ride towards Redding proper. When we were nearing the city limits, he turned to me and stared.
“What?” I said, flustered.
“You did good tonight, babe. Shit would've gone off without a hitch if Serial hadn't let his drunken dick get the better of him. I'll do whatever it takes to keep that asshole away from you in the future. No bullshit.”
“It was okay up until then,” I agreed. “I'm just glad it turned out okay in the end...I mean, assuming those guys aren't going to come after you.”
“They'll let it ride,” he growled. “Club's got too much on its plate to worry about a little dirty blood between brothers. Long as I can keep it under control on my end and not plant a dagger in that fucker's guts while he's taking a piss.”
My chest tightened. Was he serious?
The savage look of satisfaction on his face reminded me once again who and what I was dealing with. These men really killed, and I remembered how close to sudden death they'd brought Jackie and I on the night they came for the money. Brass saved us then too.
I stopped and wondered, new darkness creeping into my head. If he wasn't there...
You wouldn't be here to worry about it, I thought. It was truer than anything else rolling through my head all evening.
“Listen, that other shit earlier...” He bared his teeth.
I knew he was talking about the blonde. Jealousy seethed in my blood, unwelcome as it was surprising.
I waved my hand. “It's none of my business, Brass. It's your life. You're welcome to do whatever you want behind closed doors.”
Except this one was wide open. And, of course, I was lying right through my teeth. Thinking about him and the nasty girl with the golden pigtails made me want to claw things to shreds.
“No. You got more than your fill of all the shit the brothers do at these parties tonight. You didn't need to see it from me.” He swallowed. “I didn't want it. She tried to stick her * where it didn't belong. I've fucked her before, but that shit was in the past. We're done. Something's changed. Thinking about that * anymore just makes me sick.”