One of the resort boats was circling outside the roped-off swimming area. The staff in their white shirts and orange shorts, binoculars pressed to their eyes, searched the horizon. I waited for a yell, something, but the beach had gone curiously silent. People stood at the shore.
I didn’t know how long I’d been in the water. My teeth were chattering and I was frantic, confused by all the people speaking to me. I explained that she was with my husband, that he could be missing too. The lifeguard wanted me to return to shore, tugged at my arm until I finally went with him. We swam to the beach and I lurched onto the sand, still clutching the dolphin float. My cover-up was clinging to my skin, wrapping around my thighs. My legs gave out and I collapsed onto my knees. The sun beat down on me, blinded my eyes as I stared out at the water.
Beside me the lifeguard urged me to drink water from a plastic bottle, then talked into his radio, Spanish phrases I couldn’t understand. Jet Skis searched the water.
I felt something, an awareness that made me turn my head and look down the beach. It was them, walking toward us. Sophie in her red bathing suit with the white polka dots that we’d picked out together. Andrew, his long muscular legs taking those familiar loping steps. They were clutching drinks. Sophie looked like she was wondering what all the fuss was about.
I jumped to my feet, sprinted to them, almost losing my balance in the soft sand, but I was unstoppable. I lifted Sophie into my arms. I was crying into her neck.
“Mom, what’s wrong?”
“What’s going on, Lindsey?”
The lifeguard came over. “Is this your daughter, senora?”
“Yes, yes!” I lowered her down, pressed my hands to the sides of her face, and kissed her cheeks, her lips, her suntan-lotion-scented nose, her hair that had dried into salty ropes.
Andrew was talking with the lifeguard. “I’m sorry my wife put you all through this. She has an overactive imagination.” He smiled and made little circles by his head.
The lifeguard gave him a confused smile, dropped a hand onto my shoulder, and peered into my face. “Drink some more water, senora. The sun, it’s very hot, sí?”
He left us alone. The crowd was dispersing, but I could feel their judgment, the whispers. I didn’t care. I had Sophie. She was solid and real and standing in front of me.
“I was so scared,” I told her. “I saw your dolphin in the water.”
“Daddy and I were playing and it floated away. He said we could get it later.”
Andrew was staring out at the water. I tried to read his expression but he was wearing sunglasses. How angry was he that I’d made a fuss?
“It just kept floating away,” he said. “Thought we might never see it again.” Then he grabbed Sophie’s hand. “Come on. Let’s get out of the sun.”
We were sitting under the umbrella. I was still shaking, though the sun was aiming directly at us and I’d wrapped a towel around myself—I’d noticed Andrew glancing at my wet cover-up clinging to my breasts and thighs. Sophie was sitting near me, her hand in mine. She kept giving me little pats. “I’m okay, Mommy. I’m okay. I’m sorry you got scared.”
Andrew was watching me. I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my face. I wanted to ignore him, but I knew he was trying to get me to look at him. I turned. There was a look in his eye, something mean. Something smug.
“That was embarrassing,” he said.
“Why didn’t you wait for me?”
“You were taking too long.” He shrugged.
“You did it on purpose. You were trying to scare me.”
“Don’t be silly,” he said, rising to his feet. “You did that to yourself.” He held his hand out for Sophie. “Come on, sweetie. I’ll help you build another sand castle.”
I watched them walk away. Sophie looked over her shoulder at me, her little face concerned. I smiled reassuringly. The lifeguard came over. “Is everything okay now, senora?”
“Yes, yes, it’s fine.” I didn’t want him to linger. He turned away and I saw something in his face. Pity? Or did he think I was just a stupid blond woman who overreacted? I remembered how I had thrashed around in the water, how desperate I’d felt. How had I become this way? How had I turned into this woman who couldn’t go to the bathroom without being afraid?
Andrew was filling a pail with sand. Sophie and he had the same determined expression. He felt me watching, gave a small wave and a friendly smile.
You’re imagining things. That’s what I’d told him, and then he made me pay.
But he hadn’t just wanted me to be scared. He wanted me to know he could take her from me. In the blink of an eye. One day I might be in the bathroom, or maybe I’d step outside for a moment, or go to the store, and they’d be gone. I would never see her again.
I had to leave him when we got home. There was no more time to plan. No matter what it took, no matter how risky it was, I had to get Sophie away from him.
I slowly lifted my hand, gave my palm a kiss, and blew it in his direction.
CHAPTER TWO
DECEMBER 2016