It’s confusing, the rush of emotions that fill me.
I end the kiss and my lips travel the length of his neck, nibbling on his skin and making him actually growl. I touch his stomach, tease the waistband of his boxer briefs, briefly skim my fingers along the front of them, and I feel his full body shudder to the very depths of my soul.
He doesn’t push. He doesn’t say a word. Just lets me touch him and he touches me, and when he kisses my neck, my collarbone, then moves his way down to my chest, I throw my head back against the pillow, moaning so loudly I put my hand over my mouth.
We keep this up for a while. Until I’m lost in his touch and his lips. Until I’m anxious and needy and straining toward something I can’t quite find. Jordan slips his knee between my legs and I press closer, a sharp inhale leaving me when he bumps a particular spot.
I want more of that.
It’s like he knows and he keeps pressing his knee against me, his mouth fused with mine. The kiss turns sloppy and unpracticed and out of control and I love it. He’s losing control with me. And I can’t help the thrill that comes with the realization. I grind against his knee, not caring what he thinks or how I might look or what I might say. I lose all of my insecurities at that very moment when his touch, his mouth, his freaking knee sends me flying right off that ledge.
And straight into bliss.
“Amanda. Are you even listening to me?”
I glance up to find Mom watching me with a concerned expression on her face. “You were talking to me?” I ask weakly. My thoughts are filled with Jordan and what we did last night. That one particular moment was a first for me, and it had been perfect. Thad definitely never made me feel like that either.
I’m glad it happened with Jordan Tuttle.
Jordan drove me home and thoroughly kissed me in the Range Rover before he said good night. I stumbled up the walkway and barged into the house, thankful my parents weren’t up to see me.
My little brother Trent snickers before shoving an overflowing spoonful of Lucky Charms into his mouth. “She’s been talking to you for the past five minutes, dingus.”
“Don’t call your sister a dingus,” Mom says irritably as Trent cracks himself up. He’s twelve and a complete nuisance.
“What did you say?” I ask, ignoring Trent, who’s still muttering the word dingus under his breath.
“I wanted to make sure you’re going to take the SAT next Saturday.” She catches my eye roll and scowls. “You should. It wouldn’t hurt to try and up your score.”
“My score is a 1300.” They changed the scoring of the SATs this past year and a 1300 is solid.
“Yes, but you could do better. You need as much advantage as you can get, since you dropped out of band.”
The disappointment still rings in her voice. My parents are never going to let that go.
“I’m on the yearbook staff.” Though all I do is help with page layout so far, which is fun. It’ll look good on college applications. Oh, and now I can add water girl too, which shows I’m responsible. Right?
I hope so.
“And that’s great, it really is,” Mom says as she sits across from me. “But is it enough?”
“I’m out.” Trent grabs his bowl and leaves it in the sink before he exits the kitchen.
“That boy,” Mom mutters under her breath, shaking her head, her gaze shrewd when it lands on me. “So. Where were you last night?”
Her quick change of subject has me floundering. “Uh, at the football game?”
“The game doesn’t last until midnight, Amanda. What did you do after the game?”
Got naked with Jordan Tuttle?
I can’t tell her that. Can you imagine?
“I hung out with Livvy.” Sort of the truth. Not really.
“Oh, that’s nice.” Mom pauses. “What’s going on with Tara? You’re never together anymore. I miss having her around the house.”
Mom has no idea that Thad and Tara cheated on me with each other. I never told her. I couldn’t. I was too humiliated. I just said I broke up with Thad and had a falling out with Tara. She never put two and two together.
“That friendship is over and done with,” I say firmly.
She sighs and shakes her head. “After all those years and all that history between the two of you. Please don’t tell me it was all over a boy, Amanda. I’ve often wondered if it was because of Thad.”
“Actually Mom, it was because of Thad. I caught them together. Together together,” I emphasize.
She frowns. “Kissing?”
“Worse.” I decide to go for it. “They were naked together. As in, having sex.”
“What?” Her mouth drops open. “And you caught them like that? Where?” She sounds positively scandalized.
“At—at Jordan Tuttle’s house.” Any excuse to mention him, huh? “He goes to my school.”