Moonshadow (Moonshadow #1)

He smiled. “If you need to relieve yourself, you’d better go behind one of the trees for now. Tomorrow we can make sure the structure of the privy chambers is safe and inspect the well.”

“Actually, erm.” She gave him a sidelong smile and slipped her hand out of his. She tossed her blanket into his arms. “I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.” He waited while she took care of her private business, content to study his surroundings.

The courtyard felt full of ghosts from the past. He could see the reason for everything they had done. The benches had been positioned so they would get the most shade from the fruit trees. The well had been covered before the household had left. It must have been an instinctive decision, in case they ever chose to return again.

The moon hung high overhead, lightly veiled in shadowed clouds. On the other side of the front doors, this night was the third night of the full moon cycle, but here, in this place, the moon was half-full. The sight was another reminder that they were not in alignment with the land outside the house, which was both comforting and disturbing at once.

She returned quickly, reclaimed her blanket, and pointed back the way she had gone. “There’s a shift over there.”

He looked in that direction. “You didn’t cross it?”

“Oh, no.” She shuddered. “The last thing anybody needs is for me to disappear for two weeks while I’m going to the bathroom.”

“You’re damn right.” Setting aside the lantern, he drew her into his arms. She leaned into his embrace and tucked her face into his neck. Rubbing his cheek against her damp hair, he muttered, “You still make me crazy.”

Crazy with desire. Crazy with a tangled mess of so many other emotions he didn’t know how to track them all or sort through them. She flung him hurtling along a manic symphony of reaction. Interacting with Sophie was like trying to herd twenty cats at once.

“I make you crazy?” Dropping the blanket, she slipped her arms around his waist. She whispered, “I lost ten years of my life when I saw those Hounds racing after you. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen, Nik.”

He felt her body shudder against his. Remembering his own rapid, violent array of emotions as he watched her run toward him, he pressed his mouth to the thin, fine skin at her temple and told her, “You’re still fired. I mean it, Sophie. I won’t work with someone who disregards my orders so blatantly.”

“Pfft,” she said. “I don’t need your stupid consulting job. You can keep your money and your high-handed, arrogant assumption that you get to order me around however you like. I’m going to still do what I want and act as I think best. I meant what I said too—I’m not one of your foot soldiers. Screw you.”

As she told him off, she rubbed his back, the touch soothing and arousing at once.

“You are a truly horrible woman,” he growled. He slid the tips of his fingers underneath the edges of her sweater, connecting with the warm skin at her torso. The need to kiss her, to feel her full mouth pliant and moving under his, was pounding in his head. “Screwing sounds better and better all the time.”

“And I can’t believe you’re such an asshole.” She crooned the words, almost as if they made her happy.

He tilted her face up. “Sophie,” he whispered. “I’m no good for you. My life is desperate and violent all the time, not just tonight, and now you’ve gotten trapped in a conflict you can’t leave.”

“Oh Nik,” she murmured, stroking his hair. “It really is impossible for you to grasp that I am fully capable of making all my own choices. I am fully autonomous in my own right. I’m not going to agree with you all the time, and I’m not going to take your orders. I am my own sovereign state, and I’m standing right here in front of you because I want to be here. I’m beyond being insulted by you. Right now I’m just weary. If you can’t respect me enough to accept that, I don’t know what the hell we’re doing.”

As she talked, she slipped out of his arms and turned away. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. “If I didn’t respect you, I wouldn’t be standing here right now,” he growled. “Do you want to know the truth? You scared me tonight. I watched you running straight into danger, and I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest. And when you don’t take orders, and when you act like a loose cannon, I don’t know how to plan my actions around you. That’s what orders and acting like a cohesive fighting unit are for.”

Her eyes flashed with shadowed fire. “All that would be true, and I could take it, except you ordered me back to the house like I was a delinquent child. Maybe I could accept your orders if you treated me like you treat your other men.”

“You’re not my other men!” he roared furiously. “I’m not in love with any of them!”

She froze, then whispered, “What?”

“I said I’m not in love with any of them!” he snapped. All but flinging her wrist away from him, he pivoted away to pace. “Everything about you drives me insane. We have been arguing and sniping at each other from the moment we met. But then I started to like you. You’re courageous, funny and generous, and more beautiful than any woman has any right to be, and when we first made love…” He stopped pacing to run his hands through his hair as he tried to gather his thoughts.

“Made love?” she murmured.

“Made love,” he repeated fiercely, turning to glare at her as if she might try to take the experience away from him. “When we first made love, I felt something I had never felt before. Instincts that I didn’t even know I had. I’m part Wyr, and I felt the drive to mate with you. So I left because that’s not what we said we were going to do that night. It was supposed to be an interlude of pleasure, nothing more. But then I couldn’t keep my damn hands off you. I still can’t.”

In the golden slant of light shining from the oil lantern, he could see the shock in her face. Her lips parted as if she would say something, but he couldn’t bear to hear it.

“Don’t worry,” he said bitterly. “I’ve thought it through. I’m not Wyr enough for the mating urge to kill me. You’re under no obligation to be concerned about it.”

She wrapped her arms around herself. “So you’re not forced by the Wyr mating instinct to do something you’re not willing to do. You sound as if you don’t welcome it at all.”