“I know I want you. That’s all that matters to me.”
My hand tightened around his as we wove down the aisle and I concentrated on keeping my breathing even. I’d never been a fan of flying. Secretly. I’d flown a handful of places, usually for work, and never made a big deal about it to whomever I was traveling with. I usually chased a couple of Benadryl with a stiff drink before I boarded, but I’d gotten totally distracted by my new husband and the way it had taken him half an hour to pick out just the right charm at the duty-free jewelry store to add to my new bracelet. He’d gone with an eternity symbol, which was all kinds of perfect given the promises we’d made to each other today.
Then we’d wasted another half hour in a little dessert shop, sampling one of everything they had on display. Which was, again, all kinds of perfect since Jacob didn’t usually like to indulge my sweet tooth. Something about wanting to keep me healthy, but I guessed it had also had something to do with wanting to keep me semi-thin. So usually I just satisfied my sweet cravings when I was alone and could take my time with whatever lovely confection I was in the mood for. Tonight’s out-of-character displays led me to wonder if he was trying to demonstrate that he loved me no matter what. Those vows he’d said in that strong voice of his rolled through my mind again.
When we made it to our seats, he slid aside to give me the window seat. When he saw my face, concern drew his brows together. “What’s the matter?” He slid in beside me right away, scanning my face like he was trying to figure out what was wrong.
“Um . . .” I’d never mentioned to Jacob my fear of flying. We’d only taken a couple of flights together, and he’d barely seemed to notice when I passed out from my antihistamine-vodka daze.
“Cora, what is it?” He looked worried. Like he was about to dial 9-1-1 or something worried.
“It’s just flying and me. We don’t really get along.” My body was breaking out in a clammy sweat and the cabin door hadn’t even been sealed. I’d brought my smaller clutch onto the flight, which did not contain an emergency supply of Benadryl.
“If you don’t like flying, then why are we headed to St. Thomas for our honeymoon?” He scanned up and down the aisle like he was looking for something to help me.
“Because you wanted to go to St. Thomas for our honeymoon?” I answered, since it had been his idea. Jacob loved the Caribbean.
His jaw ground together at the same time his eyes narrowed like he was pissed about something. “Let’s get off,” he said, already rising in his seat.
“No.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. “I’ll be fine. It’s our honeymoon. I wouldn’t miss it if it meant taking a twenty-hour flight.”
“Cora . . .” His gaze swept back toward the door, where the last passengers were staggering in.
“I’ll be okay. I’ve got you with me.”
When my fingers tied through his, he exhaled. “How long have you been scared of flying?”
Honest answer? Then I reminded myself we were married. Honesty was the only way to go. “Forever.”
Jacob’s eyes lifted to the ceiling, his jaw doing that clamping thing again. Then he spun around in his seat and raised his hand. One of the first-class attendants appeared beside our row a moment later.
“Can you get her a drink, please?” he asked. “A good one?”
The attendant gave me a sympathetic look. “Of course. I’ll be right back.”
While she rushed off to get my drink, Jacob stood and shuffled through some of the overhead bins until he pulled a pillow and blanket out of one. “Here. Make yourself comfortable.”
When the cabin door sealed shut, I jolted.
“Or as comfortable as you can be.”
Jacob didn’t bother with the cup when the attendant showed back up with an array of small bottles. He just twisted the cap off the first bottle and held it out for me, practically lifting it to my lips. He thanked the attendant, who was kind enough to pull a couple more bottles from her apron and set them on his armrest.
“I’m having flashbacks to our first date.” I smiled then let him lift the bottle to my lips. It tasted awful, but hopefully it would go to my head quickly so I could fall asleep and stay asleep until we were in St. Thomas.
“Why flashbacks?” His brow cocked as he tipped the bottle back against my lips.
And just like that, I finished a mini bottle of disgusting vodka. On the plus side, I could already feel it making my head fuzzy. “Because you pretty much shoved one of those things into my mouth then too. Except it was a bigger bottle.” I flicked the empty bottle he was screwing the lid back onto. “And after, we had our first kiss.”
His hand froze, along with the rest of his body. It took me gently nudging him and squeezing his hand to break his sudden freeze.
“What did you expect? A girl like you wasn’t going to kiss a guy like me sober.” He smiled, but it was a conjured up one.
“You kissed me. Nice try.” I twisted in my seat so I was facing him, feeling my nerves start to dull. That was when the plane started to move, and fresh adrenaline burst into my system. Before he could stop me, I grabbed another mini bottle and unscrewed the lid.
“But you kissed me back.”
“Not that I had a lot of choice in the matter.” I raised my eyebrows at him, remembering that night, and took a drink.
Concern drew up his face. “Are you saying I forced myself on you?” He cleared his throat as his hands worked into fists.
Okay, I’d been drinking that night, but it was one of the few nights Jacob hadn’t been. He should have remembered our first date and kiss better than I did.
“No, you didn’t force yourself on me. If you had, I wouldn’t have let you put this shiny expensive thing on my finger this afternoon.” I lifted my left hand, waving my fingers in his face. “But you were forceful.” I paused, reliving the scene. It had been my first kiss ever, and while it was everything I’d always hoped it would be, it was, in another way, a giant letdown in the fireworks department. I’d never told Jacob that, and I never would. Some truths were better taken to one’s grave than left to wither in the open air. “A force to be reckoned with. That’s always been you, Jacob.”
He was quiet, staring straight ahead like he was in a different world. When the plane started to take off, the jets blasting so loudly I felt the noise rattling my insides, I clamped my eyes closed and tried to find my happy place. No amount of intoxication could erase my dread of takeoff and landing. I’d learned that long ago. The beginning and the end was always the worst—the scariest part.