“You know I haven’t,” she snapped back. “That’s why you brought it up.”
She knew her cousin. This trip down memory lane had a purpose. He could pretend otherwise all he wanted, but this was exactly what he’d been hoping to discuss when he sat down. She only wished she had guessed sooner, so she could have found anywhere else to be.
Shea gave up glaring at her cousin and faced Fallon. She took a deep breath. Too late to hide this now. She only wished she’d had this talk with him sooner when there were less people about. “His name was Griffin. We three grew up together.”
“What she hasn’t said is he was also her first love. The man who led her into disaster and ruin and got her demoted to a rank and file pathfinder serving a village no one would touch,” Reece added.
Shea shot her cousin another dirty look, wanting to strangle him when he returned her glare with a smirk and a shrug.
Fallon’s face was thoughtful as he studied her. His silence pulled other revelations from her.
“He couldn’t pass the final test. He couldn’t navigate the mists. It devastated him. When you fail the tests, you’re sent away from the keep. It doesn’t matter if you grew up there or if your entire family lives there. They don’t allow those who fail the test to remain.”
There was a low whistle from Buck. “That’s pretty harsh.”
Reece shrugged. “It’s our way and has been for generations. There have been problems in the past. The rejected are given the choice of settling in one of the villages nearby or they can make their way further afield. Some choose to join the caravans and chance the wilds to travel from village to village. Griffin chose another path entirely.”
Shea took up the thread of the story. “He knew, like we all did, that the pathfinders had never led a successful expedition into the Badlands. He thought that if he could find one of the ancient cities and come back with something big that the guild might make an exception for him.”
“Translation, he convinced Shea to do all the hard work so he could reap all of the rewards.”
“I’m not the only one he convinced,” Shea said in a soft voice.
Reece shrugged one shoulder. “You’re right about that. You’re the one they trusted though. Thirty men and women went in; one came out. Winchell followed Shea because she was always his favorite and because he felt responsible for Griffin. It’s not often a child of the keep fails the test. He took it as a failure on his own part. I’m sure Griffin helped form that outlook.”
He had. It was something that Shea didn’t like thinking about. Speaking ill of the dead didn’t sit right with her. They were unable to defend themselves.
“I thought it was your idea to go into the Badlands,” Fallon said with a thoughtful expression on his face.
“Might as well have. He never would have gone there if not for me. You know the rest,” Shea told Fallon. She’d told him the ending of this story. “We lost several people before we were even a week into the Badlands. After the eagles attacked, the group lost morale and broke apart. Eventually I was the only one left.”
“Which was why she took the entirety of the blame for Griffin’s stupidity,” Reece said. “It didn’t help that none of you bothered to get permission for your little excursion before you left. Shea was demoted to Birdon Leaf, who sent her to the Lowlands, and here we are.”
The group was silent for a long moment after that. Shea found she was unable to meet anyone’s eyes. She stood. “I’m going to go check on something.”
She moved off without waiting for a response.
Fallon watched the shadows swallow Shea. He looked across the fire as her cousin watched her leave with an expression that was both combative and defeated at the same time. Fallon had to wonder what the man had hoped to get out of that little exchange.
“I’m the one who went searching for her when her party disappeared. Three weeks I looked, and all the while, the hope of finding her alive got smaller and smaller each day.” Reece looked across the fire at Fallon. The emotion had drained out of his face, leaving him looking tired. “When I found her, she was delirious. You could count the number of ribs; her skin was sunken, and her bones stuck out like sticks. She hadn’t eaten or had anything to drink for days. I thought she was going to die.”
“But she didn’t. Because of you,” Fallon said.
Reece ran a hand through his hair. His sigh was heavy. “No, she didn’t, but for a long time it felt like she had. You called her grumpy,” he said to Buck. “She wasn’t always like that. Once upon a time she was sunny and enthusiastic, always believing the best of anybody and any situation. She was still acerbic, her tongue could leave a man bleeding, but it was rare for her to let loose. And curious. So damn curious. She used to drive her parents crazy, always disappearing into the wilds to study whatever beast was nearby. He changed that.”
Fallon stood, collecting his bowl and Shea’s mostly untouched one.
“I’ve seen more of the old Shea with you than I have in a long time.”
Fallon didn’t react as he carried the bowls back to the cooks and their apprentices.
He tracked Shea to the rise overlooking the city. He didn’t know if she realized it, but she always headed to a high place when she needed to think. He thought observing the scene below gave her some measure of calm, but he’d never asked.
She was right where he thought she’d be, staring angrily down at the abandoned city, though there was little to see with the low light the fires behind them provided.
“I was stupid,” she said without looking at him.
He stopped, not finding himself surprised that she knew he was here. She always seemed to know. Sneaking up on her was rare.
“About what?”
“I knew he was using me. I knew he didn’t care as long as it meant he’d be a pathfinder in the end.”
Fallon joined her on the ridge. He made a ‘hmm’ sound.
Shea sighed. “I was fine with it. I figured once he was a pathfinder, he’d finally settle down and finally see me.”
“I’m glad he’s dead. It saves me the trouble of killing him,” Fallon said.
The laugh that escaped Shea seemed to surprise her. She dropped her head and shook it. “Me too. What does that say about me? That I’m glad the person I thought I loved is dead?”
“It says you’re smart, and that you know I’m infinitely better than some boy unable to pass a simple test.”
“It’s actually pretty hard.”
Fallon waved a hand and made a disgruntled noise. He didn’t care. “You’re mine. You’ve always been mine. You were just a little slow figuring it out.”
Shea looked over at him. He didn’t have to see her face to know that it was full of skepticism.
“This from the man whose army kidnapped me, and then who threatened to hurt my friends if I tried to run away.”