“How do you know?”
“Because by the time a patient reaches the point where they need some help crossing over—in those very rare cases—the family wants it, too. Often the patient’s too far gone to know. And those times . . . well, they’re sacred. Nobody’s going to come in here and talk about that.”
A cautious sense of relief eases some of the pressure in my chest. “I hope you’re right. Tell me this. If Walt were called as a witness, could he provide any details that might make the two of you look better than you did in Powers’s account?”
While Dad thinks about it, I say, “I think Walt would have killed Major Powers if he met him in the hallway after his testimony.”
“Walt suffered a lot that night, and the days after. A lot more than Powers did.”
“So, could Walt make up some of that ground in the courtroom?”
Dad finally shakes his head. “No. What happened that night happened pretty much the way Powers described it. But it doesn’t matter. Quentin’s not going to call Walt as a witness.”
“Forget Quentin, Dad. Given his erratic behavior up to now, I’m sure Judge Elder would give me at least a day to prepare a proper defense. Every lawyer in that courtroom thinks Quentin has either lost his mind or is throwing the case on purpose.”
Dad looks away.
“Which is it? I know you know.”
“He hasn’t lost his mind.”
“Then he’s throwing the case?”
“He’s doing what he has to do. What I’ve told him to do.”
“You wanted Major Powers to say those things he said in there today?”
“No. I would have preferred that bit of history stay buried in the snows of Korea. For the sake of those boys’ families. Now the media won’t stop digging until they figure out who died in that ambulance. I’m sure their parents are all dead, which is a blessing, but there’ll be brothers and sisters who’ll suffer when they learn what happened.”
“Dad, this isn’t going to sound noble, but you’ve got to start thinking about yourself. And if not yourself, then the rest of us. Your family is suffering. Do you understand that?”
“I do.”
He’s still not looking at me. I hear my voice rising, but I can’t stop myself. “If the Double Eagles have threatened us, tell me. I’ll get us protected until I find a way to put them behind bars.”
“You can’t protect your family against men like that. Life doesn’t mean the same thing to them that it does to us. They’ll take risks normal people won’t. They know people who’ll kill Annie in exchange for a day’s supply of methamphetamine.”
“So that’s it, then? That’s the reason you’re doing all this? You’re exchanging your life for our safety?”
I don’t realize how badly I need to hear a yes to that question until he says, “If my going to prison ensures that you and Annie and Jenny and your mother will be safe from now on . . . I’m happy to go. I almost died last October, Penn. I’ll be lucky to live another year, even with the best care.”
“Stop talking like that! This is like committing suicide because you can’t take the pain when a cure might be possible.”
As my voice reverberates in the tiled bathroom, Dad steps away from the sink and squeezes my upper arm. “No, it’s not. I can endure pain. But there are things I couldn’t endure. I’ve had three months to think about all this. The hardest thing has been not being able to tell you the whole truth. I hope that by the end of this ordeal, you’ll understand. But right now, I can’t go beyond a certain point.”
“Even with all that’s at stake?”
“No. Because of it.”
A deputy bangs on the door, then opens it a crack. “One minute till the recess is over, Doc.”
Dad grabs my arms with surprising strength. “No matter what happens in that courtroom, remember this. What matters is you, not me. You and Annie. Jenny, too. But here, now, alone, I’m going to tell you something, and you don’t ever forget it. You are me. You hear?” Dad shakes me bodily, his eyes burning into mine. “The older I get, the more I see myself in you. Do you know how that feels? To look at the man you’ve become, and know I had a part in that? To know I didn’t survive that war for nothing? Long after I’m gone, you’ll be here, and I’ll be alive in you. And in Annie.” A smile lights his whole face. “That girl’s a Cage through and through.”
Hot tears slide down my cheeks. I’ve been preparing for my father’s death for a long time, but to see life and death as he does now . . . it’s more than I can take.
“And Lincoln?” I ask softly. “He’s your son, too.”
Dad winces as though from physical pain. “Lincoln has my genes, yes. But I had nothing to do with shaping him. And all the regret I feel doesn’t help him one iota. From what Viola told me, the father Lincoln had was worse than none at all. But let’s not dwell on what we can’t change.”
“And Mom? What about her?”
“There’s no time, Penn. But however rough this seems on her . . . this is the bargain Peggy made. I let her down with Viola, God knows, but Peggy fell short, too—in her own eyes, I mean. But I stayed, and to Peggy that’s what counts. You hear me? To her people, children are what matter—period. You do what’s necessary to protect the next generation. Your mother may not know exactly why I’m doing this, but she knows I’ve got my priorities straight. And she has enough faith in me to let me do it.”
“She doesn’t let you see how hard it is on her.”
“I know, believe me. But she can take it.”
Jesus, the hardness of their generation. “I’m not so sure. If you’re convicted . . . she might do something desperate.”
Dad actually smiles at this. “Not a chance, boy. Don’t give that another thought.”
“Time to go, Doc!” cries the deputy, holding open the door.
As he turns to shoo away some rubberneckers in the hall, I force my cell phone into Dad’s hand. “Doris and Quentin are waiting for your call. Tell Quentin it’s over. Let me defend you, Dad.”
He pushes away the phone. “It’s too late, Penn. I’m sticking with Quentin. We’ll take the hill together or go down fighting.”
“But he’s not fighting.”
Dad takes hold of my right wrist and squeezes. “He will. You just keep coming to court. We’ll see how much damage a couple of old men can do.”
The glint in his eye almost makes me believe, but then I remember how the jury looked when Major Powers spit on his chest. Before I can speak again, he turns to the deputy and says, “Let’s go, Jimmy. Back to the trenches.”
“Stay right on my ass, Doc. Whole courthouse is full of freaks today.”
“I’m with you. Lead on.”
Chapter 41