I stared at him for a solid minute with no reaction before I lowered myself to sit on the bottom of the attic steps. “Say it quickly. It’s been a hard day and I need a bath.”
“Because of Dad?” His words were more blurted accusation than question, punctuated by his gaze, which had become a lot more unflinching in the weeks that Dad had been locked up.
“Why would it have anything to do with that coward?”
Freddie scowled so that I almost felt like I was looking at a different person for the second time in just two days. He had never, ever looked at me like I was the enemy. Not in his entire life.
“I know you saw him today, and don’t lie, because Lock told me that’s where you went.”
“When did he tell you that?”
“This morning, when you left without telling us where you were going, Alice sent me over to see if you were with him.”
I made an irritated face and said, “Lock knows nothing about my day.” I stood and reached for my doorknob, but Freddie was quicker, blocking my hand with his.
“He knew what I had for breakfast and that I’d bickered with Alice just by looking at me. He knows plenty.”
I met Freddie’s stare with my own, which usually made him back off immediately, but he was more determined that day. He stood and entered my room. I released a heavy sigh and followed him in. I sat cross-legged on my bed, patting the space in front of me, but Freddie ignored my invitation.
“I just need to tell you some things,” he said, staring at the floor.
I gestured to my bed again. “Come on, then. You want to talk? Face me and talk.” It was something our mother had said a lot. I thought maybe it had been a mistake to evoke a memory of Mum like that, but Freddie either didn’t mind or didn’t notice. He scrambled up to sit facing me, taking the challenge more defiantly than I’d expected. “You can’t let him get us. No matter what.”
I studied his face for a bit, finding new details among all the old features I knew so well. He had a new scar across his forehead from his final beating from Dad, and his jawline had thinned a bit, despite the weight he’d put on from the hearty dinners at Mrs. Hudson’s. And though his face was still healing from the recent fight he’d had, he looked healthy. I felt a part of me relax, releasing a tension I maybe didn’t realize I’d been harboring.
“Why would you say this to me?” I asked.
Freddie traced a stitched seam on my quilt as it made a path around one of his knees. “Scared,” he mumbled.
“Scared of what?”
“Of things going back like they were.”
I felt an ache in my chest as I watched Freddie wince away from his own truth, but I figured there had to be more to it than that. “And?”
“That you won’t be here to help.”
I was left a little speechless. “I’ll be here.” I only realized what an untrustworthy promise that was after I’d said it. Freddie knew it too, but not for the same reasons I had.
“Not if he has us taken away from you. Not if he kills you.”
“He won’t.” I tapped under his chin to force him to look me in the eye. “No matter what happens, he won’t kill me. And as long as I’m alive, I won’t let him keep you from me either.”
Something relaxed in Fred’s expression, but not completely. I couldn’t blame him for not trusting me. He’d seen the welts and bruises on my face and neck. Despite the way Lock and I had tried to cover all that had happened that night, our dad was in jail for murder and for my attempted murder. Fred knew it had almost happened before. That was why his next expression was more wary than I wished, and why his voice was small when he asked, “Swear?”
“Swear. ?You’ve seen me training, right?” I nodded defiantly, despite the lingering fear in my brother’s eyes that made the ache in my chest intensify until it felt like I’d been stabbed. “You trust Lock, then? Because he’s been training me as well.”
That brightened Freddie’s expression more than it should have. “Oh yeah? In what?”
“Hitting people with sticks.” I smirked a little, which made Freddie laugh. “I’m not all that sure it’ll help any, but he, of course, finds it highly important.”
Finally, a glint of the old Freddie came out as he singsonged, “’Cause he’s your boyfriend.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Nope.”
“Liar. I saw you two kissing. You should just admit it.”
I tickled him under his chin and did my worst impression of Freddie’s teasing tone. “You should go study something and get out of my room.”