“Are you figuring things out?”
“Sure.” I wasn’t convinced I was telling the truth to my brother. But the last time I’d skulked around in the alleyways, I stopped before finding someone to pummel me. That had to say something. I sure as hell wasn’t ready to tell Talon about my secret pastime.
Funny thing was, I hadn’t done it for several years—until Talon started healing through therapy. That had brought the whole thing back to the front of my mind, reviving the guilt. It clutched at me like sharp hooks, refusing to let me go.
I wasn’t going to do it again—no more trips to skid row for me. I was going to figure this out. I’d prefer to do it with Melanie, but if she couldn’t help me, I would do it alone.
Hell, I did everything else alone.
No, that wasn’t fair. I didn’t run this ranch alone. My brothers and all the other employees helped.
So why did I always feel responsible for everything? Logically, I knew I wasn’t.
I had to figure that out.
I took another sip of my martini. Good stuff. Then I turned the tables on my brother. “So how’s your therapy going?”
“It’s going well. Dr. Carmichael thinks I’m making great progress.”
I didn’t need my brother to tell me that. Just looking at him, I could see what a changed man he was. Was it from therapy? Jade? Himself? Probably a combination of all three, but Jade had no doubt been the catalyst.
I had never believed a woman could change anything. I still didn’t. But I couldn’t lessen what Talon and Jade shared. It was beautiful to watch them together.
“Anything new on the rose on the pillow?”
“I had Steve Dugan come over to dust for prints around Jade’s room, where the rose was left. He didn’t get anything, and we didn’t get anything off the rose itself.”
“Well, it was a while ago,” I said.
“I changed all the locks on the doors, of course, and changed the security system too. Who the hell could have gotten in here?”
I shook my head. “I sure don’t know. Makes me cringe, thinking about it.”
“You’re telling me. I was here. I was in the fucking house. Jade was in her shower, not fifteen feet away from the bed, when this happened.” He rubbed his eyes. “I can’t let myself think about it too much or I get crazy. Makes me want to pound somebody.”
“Keep your temper in check.”
“Oh, I’m fine. Who would I pound anyway? Larry Wade is in prison, and Colin is God knows where. That nutty boyfriend of Jade’s mother’s is God knows where. And I don’t even know who the third one is. Six months ago I would’ve found someone to pound, but not now.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”
“Didn’t Dr. Carmichael tell you?”
“Dr. Carmichael and I don’t discuss you.”
“I gave her permission to.”
“I know that. She told me. But I’m not comfortable with that. So what the hell are you talking about, Talon?”
Talon cleared his throat. “I’m not exactly proud of this, but before I started therapy, there were times when I’d go to the city on the weekends.”
“Yes, I know that.”
“Sometimes I’d find a girl and have meaningless sex. Other times I…”
“Yeah?”
“Other times I’d walk down a dark alley on skid row, find someone to mug me so I could beat the crap out of him.”
I shot my eyes open.
“God, don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I never beat someone up for the hell of it. I waited for him to try something on me.”
“Sounds like you put yourself in danger.” I was one to talk. To think, my brother hung around those sleazy alleyways for the exact opposite reason I did. Him to feel more in control, me to punish myself.
God…that was how we’d both ended up in that bar. What if we had run into each other?
“You don’t do that anymore, I hope.”
“Of course not. I don’t feel like I need to. I look back, and I wonder why I ever did it. It didn’t change anything. Kicking the shit out of Colin didn’t change anything either. I’m lucky I didn’t get locked up. And none of it mattered anyway. It didn’t change the fact that I was kidnapped and raped by three men.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Christ. I didn’t tell you this for you to feel bad. None of this is your fault. You know that, and I know that.”
I gulped. I did know. I knew it as a sane, logical person. But it wasn’t my logical side that had the issue. Still, that last time I went to skid row myself, I hadn’t done anything. That had to be a good sign. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.