“Oh, my gosh, I’m being so rude. Come in.”
His urge to run from the beguiling woman was almost as strong as his instinct to stay, but he’d promised Link to hear what she had to say, and he sure as shit wasn’t going to make a second trip out here. With a glance over his shoulder for Harlan who was standing by the fire watching him, he stepped through the door.
Whatever he’d expected to see when he walked into a witch’s cabin, it wasn’t this. Most of the place was cluttered with tables covered in Bunsen burners, vials of different colored liquids, scribbled notepads, and row after row of ingredients packed in glass mason jars. In the corner was a pair of propane tanks, and near the fireplace were more glass vials. He saw exactly zero of the spell books, cauldrons, or fragrant herbs he’d expected to see hanging from the rafters, though she did have a long strand of garlic cloves in her small kitchen.
“It took you long enough to get here. I’ve been fixing my hair for a week on the off-chance you showed up, and do you know how hard it is to get a curling iron going out here in bum-fucked Egypt? I shit you not, I had to rig it up to a solar panel because Harlan has been watching the generator like some sort of guard dog. I swear, he’s like one of those girls who’s like, ‘I won’t have sex with you until you mow the yard,’ or whatever, but with him, he’s like, ‘you can’t use the generator until we make thigh friction.’ Asshat.” She was talking with her back to him as she began to pack up vials and packs of sterile needles into a black suitcase.
“Uh, do you want me to set this over here?” he asked, gripping the package.
“Sure but don’t unpack it. We’ll need that stuff.”
Tobias blinked slowly. “I’m sorry?”
“Just to get things out in the open, I’m a Virgo, and I hate long walks on the beach because sand between your toes is incredibly uncomfortable, am I right?” She turned and lifted her hand, like the tiny woman wanted a high five. Tobias refused on account of the giant package in his hands and the fact she felt dangerous to touch. His inner bear had quieted completely in her presence. It had been a while since the monster in his middle had gone still.
Undeterred, Vera clapped her hands together in her own high-five and went back to packing. “Do you snore?” she asked, twisting around with a frown.
“Uuuh, no?”
“Great. I’m a light sleeper, and I could deal with snoring, but I need to be mentally prepared not to whack you with a pillow.”
She’d lost him completely.
“I won’t need any money from you—”
“Wait, what? You’re supposed to pay me, lady. I delivered to you, remember?”
“Oh! Put that down,” she murmured, scrambling for a coffee can that sat on her kitchen counter. She pulled out a surprisingly thick wad of twenties and started counting them out, then apparently changed her mind, shoved the money back in, and handed him the entire can. “What’s mine is yours now.”
“No. No it’s not,” he gritted out, taking what he’d earned and shoving the can back toward her.
Vera had gone back to packing, though. “I won’t be fixing my hair for you every day, so you should accept that early. Like I said, I don’t need money from you, but I will need you to hunt at…where do you live again?”
“All over.” God this was getting weird. “Listen, Lincoln McCall said he talked to you—”
“McCall?” Vera’s giant wood-sprite eyes grew bigger somehow. “I didn’t know he was a McCall. Oooh, that’s bad.”
“Why is that bad?”
“I can’t help those McCalls. Too wild. Too crazy, and it doesn’t have as much to do with their animals as they think.”
“So, you can’t help him.”
Vera frowned and leaned back against a wobbly table. With a sigh, she crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s your favorite sexual position?”
Tobias just about choked on the air. “What?”
“I mean, I assume with bears it’s something animalistic. From behind while you’re growling or roaring or whatever. Do you like it from behind?”
“Y-yes.” Why was he talking? Engaging with this lunatic was a terrible idea.
“Okay. It’s not my favorite, but I’m flexible.”
“It’s not your favorite,” he repeated distractedly.
“No, but that’s fine. I have faults, too.”
“Fucking from behind is a fault?”
“I have needs, and I’ll expect babies at some point. Cubs? That’s what grizzly babies are called, right?”
“Right, I’m going to go. It was weird meeting you.” Tobias turned and opened the door, cursing Link for sending him on this dumb mission.
Harlan stood there looking pissed with his arms crossed over his chest. “She’s mine!”
Tobias slammed the door and ran his hands through his hair.
“Fuck off, Harlan. I have a mate now!” Vera yelled through the open window.