“No, we should go in.” I stepped in past him and he tried to protest, but I ignored him. He was acting strange, but I was way too excited and amped up to notice.
I practiced this moment in the mirror and had really psyched myself up for it. I never, ever put myself out there like this before, and could never imagine doing it for anyone but Carter. He was the only one that made me even remotely excited enough to really bare myself like this.
“Emily,” he started, but I didn’t let him talk. As soon as the door shut, I turned to him and pulled off the coat, letting it drop to the floor.
I stood there wearing nothing but that lingerie and smile, hands on my hips. “Is this how you pictured it?”
His jaw dropped. He stared at my body exactly the way I wanted him to, but suddenly he turned away. “Shit,” he said.
“What?” I asked, suddenly sensing something was off.
“Emily, I’m so sorry.”
“Carter. What?”
“Can you, uh, shit. Can you put that coat back on?”
I was mortified. I could feel the blood rushing to my face as I quickly grabbed the coat and wrapped it back around me.
The bastard didn’t want me anymore. He had a taste and now he was done, just like with every other girl out there. I didn’t know why I thought I might be special or thought that he was changing. Clearly, I was wrong, and I just made a huge fool of myself.
“Listen,” he said, turning back to me. “It’s not you.”
“Oh my god,” I said, pushing past him.
“Emily, wait.”
I couldn’t stand there and listen to his bullshit cliché excuses. I had to get out of there before I humiliated myself further. I pushed open the door and stormed out into the hall, Carter following behind me.
“Emily,” he said again. “Hold on. Let me explain.”
“No,” I said, whirling around at him. “You listen to me. You’re an ass and a manipulative jerk. You don’t care about people if they don’t benefit you somehow. You’re a user and I’m done with you, Carter Green.”
He stood there, shocked, as I turned and stormed off. I heard my mother’s door open, but I just ignored it as I quickly left their hallway.
As soon as I got into the stairwell, I started running. I could feel the tears coming and I didn’t want him to see them. I ran as fast as I could across the house until I finally got into my apartment, slamming and locking the door behind me.
I collapsed onto the floor, crying harder than I had cried in a long time.
I was so embarrassed. Carter didn’t want me, and I really had no clue why. He seemed like he wanted me that night, and he said he was only going to keep wanting more. I didn’t know what happened between then and now but something had. Maybe it was my fault, and I just wasn’t sexy enough for him. Maybe this lingerie thing was too late.
But no, I couldn’t start blaming myself. Carter was an asshole and that was all there was to it. He thought he could toss me aside just because he had me already.
I got up, trying to compose myself. I went into the bathroom, tore off the lingerie, and shoved it into the trash. I got changed into sweats and a sweatshirt, poured myself a nice big glass of wine, and collapsed onto the couch.
Carter Green was an asshole. He was exactly who I thought he was at first. Carter charmed me and managed to convince me that his reputation wasn’t deserved, but clearly I was an idiot for believing him.
I was going to keep playing along with this bullshit for my mother’s sake, but I was done with him. I put myself out there for the first time ever, and maybe I’d never do it again.
It was safer on my couch with a glass of wine, hiding from the world.
18
Carter
I took the long way to work the next morning, my head still spinning over what had happened the night before.
I hoped that I could just back off Emily and things would be okay. In my mind, she’d understand why I was putting distance between us. I turned my phone off, or at least disabled its Marauder’s Map, so that I wouldn’t show up. I thought maybe that was enough, but clearly I was totally mistaken.
She knew as well as I did how messed up what we were doing was. I didn’t want to end it, not at all, which is probably why I was taking the cowardly way out and avoiding her. That was pretty fucked up in itself, and definitely a mistake. She deserved better than that, but I realized that truth way too late.
She looked fucking gorgeous standing in my room wearing nothing but that lingerie. Emily is perfect, her body absolutely stunning, and she probably didn’t even realize it. I could tell how nervous she was as soon as she came into my room and said that line. My cock was instantly hard, and I knew that if I didn’t turn away, I’d do something we’d both really regret.