For as frustrating as he was, for the danger that put us in, I didn’t care. Being around Clutch made me feel things I could barely put into words.
Caralee was looking at me. “Hello, Janine? I said, what’s keeping your spirits up?”
“Can’t say,” I admitted. “It could get me and someone else in a lot of trouble.”
She leaned back in her chair, grinning at me. “Oh. I see.”
“I can’t say more than that.”
“You don’t have to.” She leaned in toward me. “What are you going to do?”
“About what?”
“Don’t pretend like we both don’t know what’s going on now,” she said. “You’re having an affair with Clutch.”
I nearly choked on my coffee. “I’m that obvious?”
“Yeah, basically,” she said. “He’s your bodyguard, he’s hot, you two have always been friendly, and suddenly you’re happy, despite all this shit?” She shrugged. “Doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.”
“Caralee, if you tell anyone, both of us could be killed.”
“Relax,” she said. “I would never want to see my friends killed, or the guys they’re into.”
“That’s the thing, I don’t even know if I’m into him. Things are complicated.”
“They always are.”
“It’s not like I can do anything about it.”
“You’re not married yet, are you?”
“No.”
“Then you can do whatever you want.”
“You know it doesn’t work like that,” I said with a sigh.
“Because you’re ‘claimed’ or whatever? Screw that,” she said. “I was claimed once. It’s bullshit.”
I laughed, shaking my head. She was so strong, and it always amazed me. “You know it means something to them.”
“Yeah, them.” She made a face. “Screw them and their rules.”
“I wish.”
“Listen, Janine. You know me. I’m in this club for life now.”
I laughed. “Yeah. You had club babies.”
“I’m a damn old lady. But, I think you should make a move before you’re really tied down. Before you’re married.”
I frowned at that. “I can’t. I have to help this merger happen.”
“Did your father tell you that?”
“No,” I said quickly. “Larkin told me I can get out whenever I want.”
“So get out,” she said softly, “before it’s too late.”
I looked at her for a second but only shook my head. “Thanks for listening,” I said.
“Of course. Tell me about your wild life anytime. I’m a boring, married girl now.”
I laughed, and the conversation switched over to something a little more normal, like raising her children.
As the morning wore on and we talked more and more, I kept feeling so conflicted over everything. I knew Caralee had my best interests at heart. Was she right that if I waited too long, it would be too late? Maybe I really was going to be trapped with Jetter, always wanting something else but never able to put my hands on it.
And maybe this was going to fall apart anyway. If I thought about it, I’d never seen any Rebel or Demon spend any time together, except for maybe Clutch throwing guys out of the club. It had been all tension from day one, and it hadn’t broken up at all.
Maybe the Rebels and the Demons really did hate each other too much for this to ever work out. If that was the case, then I really was wasting my time. I really was sacrificing myself for absolutely nothing.
But no, I made a decision. I made a choice and I committed myself to it. My father didn’t force me into this, and all the reasons I started it still mattered.
It felt good, talking with Caralee, trying to forget my problems, but I couldn’t run from them.
I wasn’t going to run from them.
24
Clutch
We rolled up to the clubhouse an hour after the hit went down. Burke and Clinton were still back at the scene, cleaning up what they could and gathering up their boy’s body while we went back to secure the drugs and the cash.
I followed the others back into the clubhouse. Larkin headed straight back toward his office, carrying the cash, while Noble and Dow took the drugs back to the secure locker.
Ford looked at me and grinned. “Looks like our girls are chatting.”
I followed his gaze and saw Caralee sitting with Janine. Caralee looked up and smiled as Ford began to head over.
“Not my girl,” I grumbled, following him.
“Close enough,” he said.
I followed him over, annoyed. Caralee stood and kissed Ford, smiling. “You boys have fun?” she asked.
“Fun enough,” I said.
“We did okay,” Ford answered.
Janine nodded at me. “Clutch.”
I sat down next to her. “Janine.”
“Man, I can really feel the sparks flying,” Ford said, joking.
I gave him a look. “Careful,” I said.
“Relax,” he said, holding up his hands. “We all know Janine here is claimed.”
Janine gave me a little smile and took a big sip of her coffee. I waved down TomTom, who was back behind the bar, and he brought me over a bottle of whisky and some glasses.
“To the club,” I said, pouring a drink for everyone.
They all took it and drank. Ford laughed, shaking his head. “Crazy fucking morning.”