“Because I couldn’t tell the truth,” she said. “Because you clearly didn’t have a lie ready.”
“Still. You didn’t have to say anything. It was my ass on the line, not yours.”
“It’s our ass, Clutch,” she said, looking at me fiercely. “I’m in as much trouble as you are if my father finds out about what happened.”
“Maybe, maybe not. They need you. They don’t need me.”
She stared at me and bit her lip. “I wouldn’t let that happen to you,” she said.
I smirked at her. “What are you going to do, protect me?”
“I would.”
I moved my mouth near her ear. “You can’t protect me,” I whispered. “The only thing I want from you is more of that tight, wet cunt.”
She pushed me back, eyes flashing. “Is that all this is to you?”
I shrugged, smirking. “What do you want from me, princess?” I asked. “I keep you safe. That’s it.”
She opened her mouth and then shut it again. “Fine,” she said after a second. “That’s all it is.”
“Good.”
She walked past me, brushing me with her shoulder.
I watched her go, something aching in my stomach. I shouldn’t have went at her like that, should have just let it go. But I couldn’t help myself. We were too deep in this, and any single misstep could kill us both.
I needed her on her game. More than that, I couldn’t afford to be distracted by her any more than I already was.
The Snakes were coming. Larkin and Jetter were right about that. And when they did, I had to be prepared. I couldn’t be too worried about what was happening between me and Janine to keep her safe.
I had to put all that shit aside and do what was right, both for my club and for Janine. I couldn’t just keep giving in to what I wanted, especially since what I wanted was so damn dangerous.
I had to do the right thing.
Even if it fucking sucked.
21
Janine
It happened so fast.
One second, Clutch was grinning at me, his body pressed against mine, snoring softly. The next, he was telling me that it was a mistake, or at least he basically was. He didn’t use those words, but I could read between the lines.
He was protecting me, and that was that.
I had regrets. I hated having regrets, but I did. I regretted not sleeping with him on that couch that night. I regretted not telling him that I was going to lie to my father for him.
Most of all, I regretted not giving myself to him much sooner.
But regrets didn’t help anything. I could feel however I wanted, but I couldn’t change the facts of the world. Clutch and I had slept together, and it was incredible, so good that I couldn’t get it off my mind. But it wasn’t going to happen again.
That had to be fine with me. At least I wasn’t going to stay with Jetter yet.
And the way Clutch was ready to fight for me surprised me. I knew he’d protect me from the Snakes; that was obvious. But he looked ready to attack Jetter in that room, ready to kill him. I recognized the look on his face from the moment just before he made me go hide in the bathroom out at the gas station. That was the look he got just before he was about to kill someone.
More than anything, that surprised me. He’d looked like he was ready to throw everything away for me in that moment, despite what he said to me right after we left the office.
That man was such a pain. One second he was fucking me, telling me how much he wanted my body, wanted me, and the next he acted like none of it was any big deal.
I couldn’t keep up.
We spent an hour or so at the clubhouse, but I had to get to work soon for the later shift. Clutch took me home and took me up to my apartment, going through it with his gun drawn before letting me inside. I changed and we didn’t talk much, mostly just going over the plan for the day.
He took me to work after that. I wanted to say something to him, wanted to tell him not to be such an ass, but instead I just got off his bike and went into work.
I had to admit, I was afraid. Ever since the night before, I’d had this sinking stone of fear in my stomach, drawing me down. I had nothing that could bring me back up again, except for Clutch.
Every time during my shift that I felt a little panic coming on as the memory of the gunshots and the bodies came back to me, I would look over at him sitting in his little booth. He’d smile at me or nod or just stare back, and I’d feel better.
Which was strange. I was pissed at him, and I almost regretted telling my dad to let him keep protecting me, but he still made me feel better. Despite everything, Clutch made me feel safe, and I needed that feeling more than anything.
Fortunately, work was uneventful. It was around ten by the time I got off work, and I walked out of there with Clutch by my side.
“Where to?” he asked.
“Clubhouse. I need a drink.”
He nodded without comment, and back we went.