And then Ambrose was there, marching right by her, close enough to touch. His hair was gone. His beautiful hair. But his face was unchanged--strong jaw, perfect lips, smooth skin, dark eyes. After that last night at the lake, she had gone through all the stages. Anger, humiliation, anger again. And then her anger had faded as she'd remembered how it had felt to have her mouth pressed to his.
Ambrose had kissed her. She didn't understand why he had kissed her. She didn't let herself believe it was because he had suddenly fallen in love with her. It hadn't felt that way. It hadn't felt like love. It had felt like an apology. And after weeks of yo-yoing between embarrassment and fury, she’d decided that she could accept his apology. With acceptance came forgiveness, and with forgiveness, all the old feelings she'd harbored for so long crept right back into their familiar places in her heart, and the anger dissipated like an unpleasant dream.
Fern tried to call out, tried to be brave this once, but her voice merely squeaked in a timid cry, his name whisked from her lips as soon as it was released. His eyes stayed straight forward, unaware of her gaze on his face and her attempt to draw his attention. He was taller than the men around him, making him easy to track as he continued down the street.
She didn't see Paulie, Grant, Beans or Jesse, though she saw Marley, Jesse's pregnant girlfriend later at the Frosty Freeze, her face blotchy from tears, her belly protruding from the puffy jacket that would no longer close over her mid-section. Fern felt a brief flash of jealousy. The drama of being left behind by a handsome soldier was almost delicious in its tragedy, so much so that Fern went home and plotted out a whole new story about two lovers separated by war.
And then they were gone, across the sea, in a world of heat and sand, a world that didn't really exist, not for Fern, at least. And maybe not for the people of Hannah Lake, simply because it was so far away, so far removed from anything they knew. And life went on as it had before. The town prayed and loved and hurt and lived. The yellow ribbons Fern had helped tie around the trees looked jaunty and crisp for about two weeks. But the spring sleet continually raked the cheerful bows with sharp, icy claws, and before long the ribbons surrendered, wind-torn and weary. And the clock ticked quietly.
Six months went by. In that time, Rita delivered a baby boy and Marley Davis had her baby too–a boy she named Jesse after his daddy. Fern added a new chapter in her romance about war-torn lovers and gave them a child, a girl named Jessie. She couldn't help herself. Whenever Marley came into the store, Fern would yearn to hold her baby and could only imagine how Jesse must feel, thousands of miles away. She composed letters to Ambrose, wrote about the goings-on in Hannah Lake, the humorous things she saw, the stats of the high school sports teams, the books she read, her promotion at the grocery store to night manager, the funny things she wanted to say but was never brave enough to utter. And she signed them: Yours, Fern.
Could you belong to someone who didn't want you? Fern decided it was possible, because her heart was his, and whether or not he wanted it didn't seem to make much difference. When she was done writing she would tuck the letter away in a drawer. Fern wondered what Ambrose would think if she suddenly sent one. He would probably think she was a psycho and regret that apology wrapped in a kiss. He would worry that Fern thought the kiss meant more than it had. He would think she was delusional.
Fern wasn't delusional, she was simply imaginative. But even with her gift for daydreaming and storytelling, she couldn't make herself believe he would ever return her feelings.
She had asked him if she could write–she'd even said she would. But deep down, she didn't really think he wanted her to, and her pride was too fragile to endure another hit. The letters piled up, and she couldn't make herself send them.
Iraq
“Fern Taylor been writing you any more love notes, Brosey?” Beans said in the darkness of the sleeping tent.
“I think Fern's pretty,” Paulie said from his cot. “She looked good at the Prom. Did you see her? She can write me letters anytime she wants.”
“Fern's not pretty!” Beans said. “She looks like Pippi Longstocking.”
“Who the hell is Pippi Longbottom?” Jesse groaned, trying to sleep.
“My sister used to watch a show called Pippi Longstocking. She borrowed it from the library and never took it back. Pippi had buck teeth and red hair that stuck out from her head in two braids. She was skinny and awkward and stupid. Just like Fern.” Beans was over-exaggerating, poking at Ambrose.
“Fern isn't stupid,” Ambrose said. He was surprised how much it bugged him, Beans making fun of Fern.
“Okaaaay,” Beans laughed. “Like that makes a difference.”
“It does.” Grant had to get his two cents in. “Who wants a girl you can't talk to?”
“I do!” Beans laughed. “Don't talk, just take off your clothes.”
“You're kind of a pig, Beans.” Paulie sighed. “It's a good thing we all like ham.”