—Great, she said. What’s a baby supposed to do with fifty bucks? Eat it?
She smirked at me and held that face, actually waiting for me to answer.
I closed my eyes and then opened them, and she shoved the bills—both now folded over and over like an accordion—in my face.
—Leidy, are you for real?
—Whatever, she said. It’s the thought that counts, right?
She dropped the bills on the bed but then grabbed them back not even a second after tossing them away. I reached for Dante’s envelope, picked it up along with hers. No writing in his either.
—Let me throw these away, I said.
She started undoing the crinkles she’d only just made, unfolding the bills and smoothing them against her thigh.
—For real though? she said. What the fuck does he want me to do with this fifty bucks? If he wanted to buy Dante a toy, then buy him a toy. Or if he means it for Pampers? Buy him some Pampers.
She covered her eyes with the hand not holding the money against her lap, and I opened the door and backed out of the room, all three envelopes in my fist.
I hid behind the wall that marked off the kitchen from the living room, tossing the two other envelopes onto the counter and holding the one meant for me with both hands up against my chest to steady it—my hands made the paper shake. I pushed the flap open with my pointer fingers and pressed my chin to my chest to read, the whole note seemingly underlined by the money still inside.
Lizet: I forgot about your sister’s “accident” (ha ha) and had to take half your $ for him at the last minute—I know I had to give him something. But YOU were supposed to get more—I know you need $ up there. $50 for your nephew = $100 for your sister = That’s not fair. Call me so I can give you the $50 I owe you before you go. YOU deserve it.—DAD
I read it again, half listening for Leidy’s footsteps in the hallway. He’d meant to give me twice as much as he’d given Leidy, and even though he’d done the right thing by giving the money to Dante instead, he equated that with rewarding Leidy and punishing me even though we’d both disappointed him, the only difference being that my choices had no way of evoking for him the very origins of our family. They hadn’t added a whole new person for him to feel wary of loving.