“Are you well, Kate?” Adora asked.
I was a piece of shit. She was a person, an actual real human being, and I had decided to play God with her life. When I had a chance to turn her into a slave, I stopped because I recognized that Curran wouldn’t like it. I should’ve stopped because it was the wrong thing to do. Because I didn’t make slaves.
“Kate?”
How could I have gone so far? How do I fix this? If I went any further down this road, Adora would be the first of many.
“Kate? Are you sick?”
No. I had to find whatever it was that made me me and hold on to it. And I owed it to Adora to tell her the complete truth as gently as I could. I would need help. I would have to go very slowly. Baby steps.
“Adora, what is it you like to do? When you’re not working for my father, I mean. When you have free time.”
“I don’t know,” she said.
“What is your favorite food?”
“Candy.”
Okay. Candy I could do. “I’m going to travel for a couple of days. I’d like you to stay here and recuperate, so the doctors can continue to treat your wounds. My Herald will come and check on you. Let her know if you need anything. However, if you don’t want to stay here and want to leave, you don’t need my permission. You are not a prisoner. If my father’s agents contact you, you don’t have to go back with them, but you can if you want to. It’s your choice. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I’d almost made it to the door when she called, “Kate?”
“Yes?”
“You will come back for me?”
“Yes.” If I don’t die.
“And then I will be useful, yes?”
“Yes.” I would go straight to hell. When I died, a hole would open under my feet and I would shoot right down there.
I walked to the waiting area and stopped by the cashier. “I’d like to pay for the next week.”
She gave me a number. I pulled out my wallet, took out a check—I’d learned to always keep a couple in there, folded in half—and wrote it out. I added fifty bucks to the check and pointed to the little gift shop and bakery behind me. “Also, I would like a small bag of each kind of candy you have brought to her.”
“If her doctor says it’s okay.”
“Let her have the candy.” Knowing how thorough my father was with his tools, Adora would likely heal fast.
I’m about to destroy your world, here is some candy. Ugh.
Teddy Jo stood up and we walked outside. “Who is she?”
“Were you listening in?”
“It’s only a few feet down the hallway and I have sharp hearing.”
“She’s what happens when my father wants a weapon who never questions him. She also might be the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.” I climbed into the swing.
“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” he said.
It was bad. Sooner or later I would have to explain it to Curran, too. We didn’t keep secrets from each other. We talked. Given a chance, I would explain what Adora was and convince him she wasn’t a slave. Curran loved me more than anyone I’d ever known. He would hear me out. That wasn’t what stopped me. If I let him see Adora, he would ask me why I didn’t kill her. I couldn’t lie to him. I would have to tell him everything, about my father, about wanting to take his land, about watching Adora bleed and puzzling over sealing her into service as if she were an object to be owned.
I didn’t want him to know how far into the dark I went. It scared me when I thought about it.
I did it. I owned it. Like it or not, I would have to deal with it after I came back from Mishmar. If I came back.
“I’ll need to stop by a smithy,” I murmured, and realized I’d said it out loud. “Sorry, was talking to myself.”
“They have medicine for that.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“You’re welcome. Why do you need to stop by a smithy?”
“To buy powdered iron.”
? ? ?
I SAT ON the back porch outside, waiting for Teddy Jo. The sky was black and deep. A spray of glittering stars shone from above. The night breathed.
I’d stopped by the Guild and talked to Curran. He’d put a team together for Saiman’s rescue. The Pack shared what they had learned scouting and Curran did manage to find a merc with the ability to communicate long distance. They called her a mouse witch and I found her sitting in Barabas’s office, with two bats hanging off her clothes, a squirrel on her shoulder, and a tiny owl in her hands. Tonight the owl and the bats would fly to the castle and attempt to find Saiman. If they did, she would be able to talk to him though them.
I told Curran about my meeting with Chernobog. He told me about Christopher. The moment the magic wave ended, his wings disappeared and he stopped struggling. They pulled him out of the ground. He picked up Maggie and went back to his house. Barabas tried to talk to him, but Christopher curled up in his hammock, hugged his dog, and refused to communicate. Barabas stayed home to watch over him.
I’d hugged Curran and kissed him good-bye. He kept asking me nonsense questions. He didn’t want me to go. I didn’t want to go either, but eventually I had to leave to gather my things.
I stopped by the smithy and bought a pound of powdered iron. Legends existed for a reason.
At home I called Jim and asked him to have the remains ready tonight, in three hours or so. He said he would.
I made a call to Martina and explained about Adora. I didn’t sugarcoat it. She said she would talk to her and she wanted me to come and have dinner with her as soon as I could. I promised I would. Then I talked to Julie about it. She would check on Adora while I was gone.
I’d packed some clothes, jerky, nuts, and bread to last me a couple of days into a backpack. I took two canteens and a roll of toilet paper. Considering the excursions Voron used to send me on, my supplies made me feel downright pampered. There was nothing left to do but wait.
Teddy Jo was taking his time.
The noise of the back gate opening made me turn. Christopher walked out from behind the house and came to sit next to me.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hi.” He smiled. It was the same shy smile I was used to seeing on his face. Like shaking hands with an old friend. But his eyes no longer had that faraway dreamy look, as if he were seeing things that nobody else could see.
“Where is Barabas?”
“He fell asleep,” Christopher said. “We had a long day.”
“You’re up late.” Small talk with the god of terror.
“I’m coming with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve been useless for too long.”
Oh boy. Not the useless thing again. “Christopher, Teddy Jo will be taking me.”
“I won’t fight with him again.”
“Your wings disappeared with the magic. The tech is still up. I don’t think he can carry us both.”
Red smoke spiraled out of his shoulders and the massive wings snapped open.
Right.
“Everyone was tired out from fighting me,” he said. “All of them wanted to be reassured that I wouldn’t snap again.”
“So you pretended to lose your powers when the magic wave ended?”