My own power was out now, fully on display. Curran shifted his weight on his feet. He felt it. He was ready to pounce.
“Oh, another thing I remember, when the rakshasas poured molten metal on Derek’s face and Jim didn’t know what to do, I stuck my neck out for him and he let his crew rip into me. And when I asked him how could he do this after he and I worked together for years, he told me I wasn’t a shapeshifter. I would never be good enough.”
“Jim has issues.”
I smiled at Curran, my voice almost singsong. “Do you know why my father has problems with the shapeshifters? Because their magic is so old. It’s primal. It predates even his. You have a special connection to the land. You are a native power.”
He didn’t answer, but he watched me like a hawk.
“But now I have a special connection with the land, too. I can feel the life within it. I can feel its heart beating. Like this.”
I touched the surface of the ocean. It pulsed. Curran jumped backward a full fifteen feet.
Now that felt interesting. I touched it again. Another pulse.
“Every time I use my magic, everybody gets so concerned. I defend them, I bleed for them, and the moment the immediate danger passes, they let me know how much they disapprove. As if their fucking disapproval matters. As if I should ask their permission, like a servant, to do what is in my power.”
“Kate,” he said. “I know you’re in there. Stop.”
I brushed the ocean, giving it a hint of my power. The feylanterns flashed brighter on all the houses down the street.
“Have you ever wondered what would happen if I stopped listening to every pathetic creature who thought that they had a right to weigh in on my decisions? Wouldn’t it be nice to not have to ask permission for something that’s already yours? What’s the point of having power if you never use it?”
I slapped it again and again, faster, picking up rhythm. Thump, thump, thump.
“I can crush all of them, but I won’t. That would be wasteful and I’m not wasteful. I’ll use my magic and turn them into willing happy slaves.”
“No,” Curran said. “You won’t.”
“Don’t you love me, Curran? Don’t you want me to bear your children? Can you imagine how powerful they will be?”
I pulled on my magic a tiny bit. It warmed me from within and I let it out. It felt like I was glowing, but I could see my arms and no glow seemed to be shining out.
Curran froze.
“Take my hand, Curran. You know you want to.”
“No. This isn’t you.”
“Of course, it is. Jim told you so. Take my hand, baby. Be with me eternally. Rule with me. All you have to do is love me and I will give you all the power and immortality you could ever want.”
The door of George’s house swung open and Eduardo stepped out.
“Is everything okay?”
Aw. He ruined it. Well, it was fun while it lasted. I let go of the magic. “Everything is fine. Curran and I are having a married moment.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Eduardo turned and went back inside.
Curran looked like a flying magic fish had popped into existence in front of him and slapped his face with its tail.
“You should see your face!” I snickered.
He snarled. “Damn it, Kate!”
That’s right. You’ve been had.
“Do you think this shit is funny?”
I kept laughing.
He swore.
“Woo-woo!” I waved my fingers at him in between bouts of laughter. “You and Jim are two idiots. Maybe you should marry each other. You can rule the Pack together.”
“Why the hell would you do this to me?”
“Because you deserved it. Jim came to you with this nonsense and you got all concerned.”
“I told Jim to go to hell. I also told him that if he ever told me that my wife is a ‘potential threat’ again, I would become a real and immediate threat.”
I laughed and opened my arms. “My hero.”
“You’re an asshole,” he told me.
“You knew that before you asked me to marry you. What, no hug?”
“You know how paranoid Jim is. You know what he does to potential threats. He is proactive. Why did you have to screw with him?”
“Because he sat there, all self-important, and announced that he would kill me if I stepped out of his lines. Hey, I winked after I said it. It’s not my fault he has no sense of humor.”
He shook his head.
I dropped my arms. “Okay, why are you so freaked out?”
“Because you did that thing your father does.”
“What thing?”
“The one where you smiled and it was like being blessed.”
I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.
“I can handle your father, because I despise him.” His gray eyes were hard. “But I love you. Don’t do that to me again.”
I was turning into my father.
I turned away from him before he saw my face. He moved behind me and then his arms closed around me. He’d seen it anyway.
“What did it feel like?” I asked, my voice quiet.
“It felt like a god noticed me,” he said. “Warm and welcoming. Like the sun broke through the clouds.”
The warmth of his arms shielded me. Curran would shield me from everything, except myself. That one was on me.
“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone,” he said. “But I don’t want a new sun or a goddess. I want you. A partner.”
“I know.” I pulled away from him and went to our house.
He followed me.
I took off my shoes and went upstairs, to our bedroom. He followed me and said nothing. I took off Sarrat’s harness and put the saber in its usual place on the night table by my side of the bed.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“There is nothing to tell. The magic is changing me, Curran, and I’m not always aware of it. You should bail while you can, before it all goes to hell.”
“No.”
“This might be your last chance to get out.” I pulled off my pants and my shirt. I wanted to soak in the tub and wash the day off.
“I’m not going anywhere. Besides, hell is when you and I are at our best.”
I stopped and looked at him.
“You know where my line is,” he said.
I knew. We had both drawn them. If he ever pulled another stunt like he did at the Black Sea, pretending to be interested in another woman because he was trying to “keep me safe,” I was done. And if I ever made another Julie by letting my blood burn away another person’s will, he was done. He drew the line at slavery. That was a reasonable line.
I walked into the bathroom and started the water in the tub.
He stopped in the doorway, leaning against it, his arms crossed.
I tossed some Epsom salts into the bathtub. “I’m not sure if I will even be me at the end of it.”
A warm hand rested on my back. He’d snuck up behind me.
I straightened. His arm caught my waist, pinning me to him.
“I’ll be here,” he said. “I’ll fight for you. We’ll beat this. We’ve beaten everything else.”
Doolittle once told me that he wasn’t afraid of me. He was afraid of what I might become in spite of myself. His fears were coming true.
“Power is a drug,” Curran said. “Some people try it and can’t wait to stop. Other people take it and want more and more, until nothing is left except getting more power.”