‘No, you’re not,’ Bo says quietly, and Solomon looks at her in surprise.
She ignores him. She takes a chair from the kitchen table and moves it close to Laura’s armchair, so that she’s in front of her. Solomon’s not sure whether she’s deliberately blocking his view of the woman he hasn’t been able to take his eyes off since he met her, or if she just wants him out of her own eyeline. ‘What has happened to you has been crazy. How on earth you’re expected to deal with it is beyond me. This has been your way. Becoming a cat burglar.’
Laura looks at Bo in surprise and they both start laughing, breaking the nervous tension.
‘The bird is a canary. I had one as a kid. It stays in the cage. It sleeps inside at night,’ Bo explains.
‘Oh.’ Laura sniffs. ‘I should have known that.’
‘I think it was less about you releasing the canary and more about you feeling trapped, you wanting to get out of there,’ Bo offers.
Solomon is stunned by this exchange. He remains silent, feeling, probably for the first time, that Bo can handle her.
‘Everyone has been so kind,’ Laura says. ‘I didn’t have any reason to feel that way. You and Solomon have been so good to me, welcoming, hospitable.’ Her eyes flicker quickly in his direction and then back to Bo again, not wanting to betray the woman who is being so understanding. ‘I didn’t want to ruin things for you, embarrass you, let you down.’
‘You haven’t,’ Bo says, annoyed – but not with Laura, with herself. ‘We … I can only speak for myself, but I should have protected you. I threw you to the lions, I watched it happen. I told myself it was for your own good, but it wasn’t.’
Laura and Solomon look at her in shock.
‘No, you didn’t, you saved me,’ Laura says. ‘I’m so grateful for everything.’
‘Don’t be,’ Bo says quietly. ‘Please. We all got so excited about you, about how precious and rare and exciting you are, that we lost ourselves in you. Your talent—’
‘Oh, I don’t have a talent,’ Laura interrupts. ‘Alan, he has a talent. He’s up all night, every night, working on his routine. He writes it, performs it, even sews his own dummy when it needs to be repaired. He’s travelled the country for the past fifteen years, taking every gig imaginable. He’s been shouted at, laughed at, paid next to nothing, just to hone his skill.’
As she says the word hone she sees Gaga with her knife, but no sound comes to her or from her. It’s gone. This enrages her even more.
‘Alice, for all her shortcomings, spends four hours in the gym every day – every single day. Nothing passes her lips that isn’t for a purpose, she folds herself into a thousand little pieces, has dedicated her entire life to her craft. Sparks has been doing card tricks since he was seven. Seven! He spends six hours practising every day. Selena sings like an angel, and there’s a twelve-year-old girl who leaps through fire on the lawn. That’s talent. What am I? Some weirdo who opens her mouth and mimics sounds. There’s nothing original about me. I’m like a parrot, or a a a … monkey. I’m a freak of nature. A weirdo, I belong in a circus, not in this talent show. I’m a con, a liar. They’re right in what they say about me. I’m not original, I’m not unique or authentic. I mimic sounds and half the time I don’t even notice what I’m doing. I shouldn’t be here, I know that. I shouldn’t have forced my way into your lives, I shouldn’t have forced you two apart – I know that’s what I’ve done and I’m sorry …’ The tears fall. ‘But I didn’t know what else to do. I don’t have anywhere else to go, I can’t go back. I’m trying to move forward all the time but I’m grasping at everything and can’t catch on to anything …’ She trails off as the tears fall.
Solomon’s eyes fill. If Bo wasn’t here, he’d stand up, he’d go to her, he’d take her in his arms, he’d kiss her, every inch of her, tell her how beautiful she is, how talented she is, how perfect in every way she is. How she is the most unique, talented, authentic person he has ever met. How she captivates him just by being. But he can’t, Bo is in the room and any sound he makes or any move he makes will betray him, betray Bo. So he sits in silence, feeling trapped in his own body, watching as the woman he loves falls apart at the seams, in front of the woman he tried to love.
And the woman he tried to love speaks for him, stronger than him, stronger than he’ll ever be and he’s grateful to her for that.