He bucks into me, his eyes shuttering closed.
“I’ve waited for this,” he murmurs into my neck, as he wedges his rigidity into my thighs, closer, closer. “For so long.”
“Please,” I say again, my hand cupped around his neck, pulling his mouth to mine, so I can taste him, inhale him. He pulls off my sundress, and stares at me in the sunlight, as the light exposes every plane of my body to his searching eyes.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, his eyes glittering in the sun. “You’re so much better than I deserve.”
Wordlessly, he pulls back for a moment, and I protest, but then I hear the crinkle of a wrapper and he’s back, and he’s sliding into me and I can’t think anymore.
Motions become blurs, blurs become colors, and all I can do is feel.
His hands, his mouth, his skin. The way he slides in and out of me, the friction causing me to crest in waves, his fingers bringing me to it faster.
“I…you…God,” I manage to say, because the words I want won’t come.
Dare smiles slightly and slides back into me, moaning my name.
“I want you to know me,” he says, his voice a husky chant. “I want you to know me.”
I’m knowing him now like I’ve wanted to for weeks. Intimate and close and I can’t believe this is finally happening, I can’t believe it’s so amazing, I can’t focus, I can’t focus, I can’t focus.
The lights, the sun, the sea, Dare’s scent, his fingers, his hands.
I grip his back, where his words say LIVE FREE and I’ve never felt freer in my entire life.
And then my world explodes in a kaleidoscope of colors and lights.
I’m limp as I cling to him, as he finally arches against me and groans and says my name in a ragged whisper before collapsing against me, his head against my chest, his beautiful hands holding me close.
I can’t even answer. My legs are shaky, my mind is spinning. But as I come back to myself, as my thoughts form logically together again, as the sun hangs heavy in the sky, with the oranges and reds on the water, something comes to me. Something Dare said in the heat of the moment, exact words that I’ve heard before in my dreams.
You’re better than I deserve.
Chapter Twenty-One
My swollen lips part and I stare at him, at the face I love, at the lips that just spoke words from my dream.
It’s impossible.
Yet it’s not.
“You…there’s something…” my voice trails off and he looks at me questioningly, a smile lingering on his lips, the after effects of something beautiful.
Something that’s now tarnished by ugliness.
By confusion.
“You said I’m better than you deserve,” I say shakily, not wanting to speak the truth, because the truth sounds crazy. “Why would you say that?”
He shrugs. “Because you’re soft and honest and beautiful. You’re better than I deserve.”
“But why?” I demand persistently, refusing his answer. “You must have a reason.”
He shakes his head, still staring, still questioning.
“It doesn’t make sense,” I tell him.
“Life doesn’t make sense sometimes, Cal,” is his only reply. He takes his hand away now, the warmth gone from me, and my fingers turn instantly cool with the breeze.
It’s his turn to examine me, to study me in the breeze.
“Do you feel ok?” he asks hesitantly. “Are you… do you… you seem different.”
I shake my head. “I’m just the same. I just… those words stood out to me somehow, like I’ve heard them before, like you’ve said them before.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d say he turns pale. He shakes his head slowly, with such a strange expression on his face.
“Do you know why?” he asks strangely, an odd glint in his eye, his beautiful lips pulled tight.
“No. Do you?”
He gives me a droll look. “Why would I know your mind?” he asks vaguely, but his face tells a different story as an expression that puts my nerves on edge floods his face.