He’d have senselessly blamed himself. Would have tormented himself about what he could or should have done differently. Worse, he wouldn’t have known that she loved him. He’d never have heard the words. And, hey, just because neither of them were people who liked soppy words didn’t mean she shouldn’t have told him.
Awake, she resolved that she’d tell him at some point that very day—she wouldn’t even let it bother her if he couldn’t say it back. She’d tell him because life was too damn short.
Hearing the shower door open, she turned as a naked Zander stepped into the stall. She smiled. “Good of you to shift back.” She’d woken on her bed next to a deep-sleeping wolf that was covered in blood and mud and that absolutely reeked. Still, she’d grinned, so fucking glad that he was okay.
Zander practically folded himself around her as he kissed her. Softly. Carefully. Like she was made of fine bone china. Yet, there was so much relief and desperation in the kiss—the emotions came from both her and him.
“My wolf was going crazy; he needed to rub up against you. I tried to shift back, but he wasn’t having any of it. How long have you been awake?”
“About half an hour. I’m surprised you’re on your feet—I can feel how tired you are. You were in a worse state than me, so that’s probably why it took you longer to wake.”
“I was in a worse state than you?” Zander echoed, the image of her head wound flickering through his mind. He’d been absolutely frantic. His mind had been in complete chaos because she’d been dying. And he was in a worse state? “Are you kidding me?” he growled.
Soaping him down, she said in a soothing voice, “I meant you had a lot more wounds than I did and that you lost a whole lot of blood. You fed me a lot of strength too—and that was after a battle and a duel with another wolf. It zonked you out.” She gave him a quick kiss. “I didn’t want to leave you in bed on your own, but I needed to get all the blood off me. My scalp was itching like crazy.”
“I need a shower even more than you do.” He grimaced at the stench. “I don’t know how you slept next to me.”
She chuckled. “I was totally out of it. You sure you have the energy for a shower?”
“I’ll fucking find it.”
Gwen chuckled again. “Our bond’s complete now.”
He nodded, stroking a hand over the curve of her shoulder. “My wolf’s fear was in the way.”
“Fear of me?” she asked, a little hurt by that.
Zander shook his head. “Fear of the power you hold over him. He’s a tough motherfucker. Not used to feeling vulnerable. You’re his only weakness, the only thing that could really hurt him. He feared that power you hold. Still does a little. I think it will take time for it to really fade.”
“Then how did the bond . . . you know . . .”
“Snap fully into place?” Zander massaged conditioner into her hair. “He stopped letting the fear hold him back from you. He fears losing you more than he fears that power. That realization cleared the path for the bond.”
Zander’s breath caught in his throat as he remembered their bond weakening, remembered the feel of her energy fading and her slipping away from him. He hadn’t truly grasped the extent of how essential she was to him until right then.
He buried his face in her hair. “When I saw the son of a bitch smashing your head . . . I’ll never get that picture out of my mind. Never. I felt your pain. Felt everything go . . . dark for you. I’ve never been so fucking scared. No, not scared. Terrified. My wolf wouldn’t withdraw at first, the stubborn bastard. I can usually fight him for dominance, but he was all about you.”
She kissed his chest. “I was a little scared when I woke to see you covered in blood. Panicked. Even went banging on Derren’s door to ask Ally to heal you. She assured me that she had healed you and that you’d wake soon. I could feel through the bond that you were okay, but the panic didn’t ease off.” Trying to keep her voice sensitive, she said, “I take it you killed Rory. I heard the two of you fighting.”
“It had to be done.”
She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m sorry he put you in a position where it had to be done.”
Zander figured he should be feeling guilt or shame or something about having killed Rory. All he felt was relief, because it meant his mate was safe from the threat that Rory had presented. “Tell me what happened after I left here last night.”
Gwen took a deep breath and told him everything, pausing only at moments when Zander took a second to spit out a harsh curse. “Ally healed Yvonne—that she-wolf is the shit, by the way. She also saved Bracken’s life, you know.”
Zander stiffened. “What happened to Bracken?”
“A coyote and a cheetah teamed up to try and tear him to pieces. He’s okay now, though. Ally healed him before healing me. He’s probably still sleeping it off.”
Zander kissed her hair. “I should have known Moore brought the mercenaries to draw us away from the house. I should have stayed with you.”
“No. Your pack mates needed you.”
“You needed me.”
“Yeah, I did. And you came. I knew you would.” She nipped his lip. “So, no guilt.”
He helped her rinse off the conditioner as he asked, “How about you? Are you stupidly giving yourself a hard time about hurting and killing those bastards?”
“Part of me is shook up by what I did. Feels bad, even. But then I remember that Ezra, Moira, and Brandt beat on Yvonne. I remember that Thad, Gerard, and Nelson shot at us, and that Ezra almost killed me. Then I don’t feel too bad about it.”
“Good.” He kissed her forehead. “They don’t deserve your guilt. They chose to come here, they put you in a position where you had to defend yourself and Yvonne, and that was exactly what you did. They put you in a position where you had to choose between their lives or yours and Yvonne’s. You made the right choice, and it’s not one you should feel any remorse over. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He doubted it would be that simple for her, suspected there would be times when it tormented her a little. Zander took her mouth. He’d only meant to give her a swift kiss, but it quickly turned hot and hungry. Before long, he was fucking her against the tiled wall. Not hard and fast, but soft and slow. And when she came, he bit her neck to leave yet another mark. He rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, Gwen.” He hadn’t actually meant to say the words—they’d just popped out. But it was only the truth. Her winning smile made his chest tighten.
“And I love you.”
“Good. Now let’s finish here, get dressed, and go for breakfast.”
Sounded good to Gwen. A short while later, she was walking downstairs, hand in hand with Zander. Her knees felt a little rubbery, but she seemed to be doing a good job of hiding it from him because he didn’t comment. As they strolled into the kitchen, it was to find Marlon, Yvonne, and Donnie sitting at the table.
“Damn, I’m starving,” Gwen declared.
“Thought you would be.” Marlon jumped to his feet and hugged her tight. Then he started crying.
Alarmed, she exchanged a panicked look with Zander and patted her foster brother’s back. “I’m fine.”
Marlon actually slapped her arm as he pulled back. “Fine? You almost died. We could have been picking out your coffin and headstone right now.”