“Fuck you,” I said, without turning around. I was sad our friendship was coming to an end that way. Zack was just bitter.
I tried to fly home but couldn’t get off the ground, so I started walking. I walked and walked, feeling more pathetic than ever. I wasn’t a man or an angel. I was nothing. I popped into another bar and found a normal bartender to chat with. I drank three whiskeys, told him how excited I was about having a baby. I hoped he’d give me some congratulatory life hacks, but instead it was all negative.
“Listen brother, prepare thyself. You are so in for it,” he said. “You should kiss sleeping good-bye right now.” Not that sleepless nights would be a new thing for me, though I was needing more and more of it as time went on.
“Also, there won’t be any time for this…” He gestured toward the glass. “Drinking in bars midday unless you want your wife to leave you. And one other thing—you’re probably not gonna get any action for a while. They get what they want—a baby—and that’s all we’re needed for. She’ll literally be repulsed by you.”
“What? That can’t be true.” I had been made to make Evey feel good.
“You’re just a man,” he said. “There’s only so much you can do.”
I was feeling terrible and drunk. My superhero metabolism was no longer working at all. On the way back home, I passed a department store and popped in to get a suit. The woman helping me kept saying, “Are you sure you want all black? Black shirt, tie, everything?”
“Yes.”
“Do you need some dress shoes?”
“Something wrong with these boots?” I said.
“Let me help you. You’re too damn good-looking to spoil your suit with shoes like that. Let’s get you a white shirt and some nice shoes and keep everything else black, okay?”
“Sure,” I slurred. My ears perked up at her compliment. Good-looking.
She brushed my dick accidentally while she was measuring my inseam. “Oh, sorry about that,” she said, blushing.
“It’s okay, baby.” Oh no, the Lucian evolution. Lucian: the angel, the drunk, the mortal pervert.
She glanced at my wedding ring. “What’s the occasion?”
“Friend’s wedding,” I said.
She was an attractive woman, but I wasn’t attracted to her. I was just getting the attention I hadn’t gotten from Evey in a while. Evey had been swept up in Brooklyn’s wedding and the new studio loft, and now she would be swept up in a baby and have no time for me. I wondered if it was all worth it. I was changing fast. When I went to step into the dressing room, the woman hesitated outside it. She stared at me and glanced past me into the empty dressing room space. It was a come on. I’ve still got it. But I shook my head at her.
She looked away and said, “I’ll be out here when you’re dressed.”
Evey had texted me to meet her back at the apartment since I was taking forever, according to her. I believe her texts were starting to get naggy, but that might have been me being sensitive.
When I walked through the door, she yelled from the couch, “Finally!” Her tone was not pleasant.
I slurred, “Honey, I’m home.”
“I’m not laughing, Lucian. Where were you?”
I walked up to her and held out a receipt. “I got a suit. It’ll be ready in a couple of days.”
She was sitting on the couch with her legs and arms crossed. There was no expression on her face. “Did it take five hours?”
“I ran into Zack.”
“Do I smell whiskey?”
“Evey, there is no way you can smell my breath from down there.”
“I’m pregnant, Lucian.” She tossed a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting in my direction. “My sense of smell is heightened.”
“Oh. Well, I had a couple of drinks.” I looked at my feet, ashamed.
She huffed as she stood from the couch. “I’m showering,” she said, walking past me.
“I’ll join you.”
“That’s okay.”
It’s happening. I followed her down the hall and went past the bathroom to our bedroom. When I heard the water go on, I decided I wasn’t going to sit back and let that bartender be right. We needed make-up sex. I stalked into the bathroom and stripped down.
I opened the shower curtain. At first she scowled, then her expression softened.
“I want to touch my wife.” I waited for her to give me permission.
She nodded infinitesimally. That was enough. Pressing myself against her back, I felt her relax. I kissed her neck, and she moaned.
“I do need this, Lucian,” she said.
“I know.”
I moved my hand lower and touched her until she was writhing in my arms. I turned her around and slammed my mouth into hers. She bit my lip hard.
I pulled back. “Ow. You taking your frustrations out on me?”
“No, I just want it rough. You’ve been too easy on me, too gentle. I want strong Lucian back.”
I picked her up to straddle me and pressed her hard against the tile. “I’m worried about the baby.”
“It’ll be okay. Just fuck me.”
Whoa. That pretty much did me in. I was moving hard inside her.
“You’re the only one who can do this to me,” she said.
“Well, I hope so.”
She was falling apart in my arms… trembling. “Oh, Lucian, don’t baby me.”
“Don’t say the word baby right now.” I moved harder and harder, and she was sopping wet everywhere.
That bartender was full of shit. Evey was into it.
Later that night, as we lay in bed, we talked about our plans. Evey kept saying, “One step at a time.” But I had the vague sense that I needed to speed things up.
IT WAS VINTAGE Lucian in the shower that night… strong, powerful, sexy Lucian. Something had come over him. He fell asleep first, which was unusual, but then again, he had hit the whiskey and then expended quite a bit of energy on me.
Halfway through the night, he woke me up when he made a pained sound. He started coughing, so I mindlessly rubbed his back and reached for some water. I was mortified at what happened next. I felt bone and feather breaking apart, disintegrating in my hand. Lucian was weak. He began moaning, so I felt his forehead; he was burning up.
“Lucian,” I whispered.
“I don’t feel well, Evey.”
“Your wings. Try to sit up.”
He sat up while I flipped on the light. He was wearing only boxer briefs, so I could see his back. I saw nothing—no wings, feathers, blood, or broken pieces. He had his elbows resting on his knees over the edge of the bed with his head drooping into his hands.
“Everything hurts,” he said.
“Show me your wings, Lucian.”
“I’m not hiding anything from you.”
They were gone. I felt his back frantically. He fell back into my arms. I held him in my lap. “They’re gone, Lucian.”
“I know,” he said.
“I’m going to CVS to get you some medicine. You have a fever. You might have the flu.”
“I shouldn’t be near you and the baby.”
I ignored him and got up to get dressed. “Lie down. I’ll bring you more water.”
He fell back onto the pillow. After I brought him water, I kissed his forehead and headed out. It was the second time I’d ever left the safety of our home or the loft without Lucian. The first time was just the day before.