‘I am not a virgin.’
‘Do you still love him?’ She could tell nothing from Cal’s tone, nor, when she glanced at his face, his expression. He looked, and sounded, serious and concerned. Not, thank goodness, murderous.
‘No. And thank you for assuming that I would not have… Would not have acted without deep feeling. After my bold behaviour last night, you would have every reason for labelling me fast.’
‘You would not have kissed me if there had not been some feeling between us, Sophie. I do not, for one moment, believe you wanton or wicked. Would I know him?’
‘No.’ No, thank goodness. Jonathan Ransome had vanished from Society after that night without leaving a ripple. He was a younger son on the fringes of the fashionable world and if his friends were puzzled over his absence she never heard a whisper of it. Perhaps she had humiliated him so comprehensively that he did not dare show his face again. That had certainly been her intention. ‘I was mistaken in him. We parted the same night. Not amicably. No-one knows. Not my parents, not my maid. He left London.’
‘And there were no consequences?’ Her face must have betrayed something for Cal dropped to one knee beside her and took her hand. ‘Is there a child for me to add to the family, I mean. I know there must have been consequences to your feelings.’
‘No, no child. But, you cannot still seriously wish to press your suit? Not after this.’
Cal shifted to sit next to her. ‘I cannot pretend I do not wish that had not happened to you, Sophie. You have been hurt, your feelings about marriage must, inevitably, have been compromised. I cannot tell you I do not want to kill the man who hurt you, because I do. Badly. It was a while ago? And this is why you carry that knife?’
‘Yes, it was. Just after Mama remarried. And yes, I carry that knife because before I had no way of defending myself, not at first. I never want to be in that position again.’
His face darkened, then he smiled and said, ‘And you were young and foolish and romantic, which is why you said your mother and stepfather are a bad influence. I thought you were jesting, but you were not, were you?’
She shook her head. ‘Cal, we cannot forget this.’
‘No, of course not. But if you were a widow and had been married to a man you adored, just think how hard I would have to fight to keep from jealousy. Now I can dislike this former love of yours with a clear conscience.’
‘You do not love me. I do not love you, and yet you would be jealous?’ Am I seriously considering this? Marriage to this man? A future as a duchess? Yes, I suppose I am. If only she did not feel mildly queasy with nerves and some sense of impending disaster. That was no way to feel when the most eligible man in London proposed to you, perhaps was simply the ominous fencing master’s dark warnings nagging at the back of her mind.
‘I am possessive, Sophie. What I have, I hold. If this man comes back and tries to claim you then he will be facing me at dawn in some meadow, whether or not you find you have any feelings left for him.’
That should have been terrifying, instead, strangely, the admission was reassuring. Sophie’s spirits began to lift. ‘Tell me something.’ She turned her hand so his was palm up and began to trace the strong lines in his palm. ‘Is that sauce for the goose as well as the gander? May I expect fidelity from my husband?’
‘If you are faithful to me, Sophie, I will be faithful to you.’ There was a subtle threat in that she did not want to think through. Of course if she married Cal she would be faithful, anything else was out of the question.
‘Then you still wish to marry me?’
‘I do. We will do this in form, I think. I will call with all due ceremony on your stepfather, present my credentials, speak solemnly of settlements, ask his permission to address you. When will I find him at home?’
‘He will be in this afternoon. I do not believe he is expecting any visitors.’
‘Then I will go home now and send a very proper note.’
‘And Mama will be thrown into ecstasies and I will spend a dreadful few hours while she rakes though my entire wardrobe, has my maid try out at least three different ways of putting my hair up and bursts into happy tears every few moments.’
‘Then I am happy to make her happy. And to see your smile come back. I am sorry you had to relive that, Sophie, but I am glad you were so honest with me.’ Cal hesitated, looking down at their joined hands. ‘Honesty is very important to me. Honesty, trust, loyalty. Sophie, you are level-headed, aren’t you?’
‘I hope so. Why, do you fear my head will be turned at the prospect of such an elevation?’