“Before we get to dessert,” he says, “the maid of honor has a few words to say. Let’s hear them, Ruby Walters!”
I stand up to make my way over. My heart thuds. I’ve never been afraid of audiences, and this one is going to be a particularly forgiving one. But the words I’m about to say feel particularly momentous. There’s an audience of one whose judgment matters more to me than any has before.
I take the microphone and lean my arm on the podium, looking first at Brooke. Whatever else this speech is going to mean, it’s still mostly for her.
“As many of you might know, Brooke and I met way back in seventh grade. Twelve years old. Such a weird age, isn’t it? You don’t feel like a kid anymore, but you look at the actual teenagers and they seem totally alien too. I remember one day we were flipping through a couple of magazines—you know those ones, all full of makeup tips and how to tell if that boy in homeroom is into you, and what to do if that boy in homeroom accidentally sees you without your makeup on—and Brooke said to me, ‘I thought falling in love was supposed to make you happy. It seems like all it actually does is stress people out. Maybe we should skip the whole thing.’ ”
That line gets me the laugh I thought it would. Brooke half covers her face with her hands, but she’s grinning. Trevor gives her a nudge and a kiss on the temple.
“My best friend has always been very practical,” I go on, “but thankfully she revised her thinking in that particular area. Because you kind of have to when you meet that person who’s your The One.”
My gaze slides along the line of faces to Will’s. He’s watching me, still with that unyielding expression. My pulse skips as my eyes hold his.
“When you find a partner like that, you can still get stressed out, sure. But that doesn’t matter when the one you’re stressing over also makes you feel like you could conquer any challenge, as long as they’re beside you. Like you’ll always be understood, even in your strange or awkward moments. Like you can become exactly the sort of person you most want to be.”
Like I feel, when I’m with you, Will. Can he hear that I’m saying this for him? I haven’t looked away from him once, and his gaze is still fixed on me.
I glance back at Trevor and Brooke. “I think we’ve all been able to see that Brooke and Trevor have found that person in each other. I couldn’t be happier that you two made it into each other’s lives and have come this far since. It’s scary, taking that leap, putting your heart on the line.” I catch Will’s eyes again. “You can feel so vulnerable when you love someone that much. I know from experience how easy it can be to think it’s safer to hold back.”
I step around the podium, bringing my full attention back to the newly weds. “So I’ve got to say, you are two of the bravest people I know. It’s been an honor watching your love grow. I’m working on being just as brave myself, and maybe someday I’ll be as lucky as you. I wouldn’t know how to start if I didn’t have such perfect role models. Here’s to love, courage, and being true to our hearts. May you live long and prosper. Cheers!”
“Cheers!” the crowd calls out, raising their glasses. Someone lets out a whoop. Then the clapping starts. I’m smiling for real as I hand the mic back to the MC. My chest really does feel lighter. At least for the instant before I set off for my seat and look over to see Will’s reaction.
His seat is empty. He’s gone.
I scan the room, but he’s nowhere to be seen. My heart sinks. Did he even hear what I had to say? I meant those parts of my toast as part apology, part confession, but maybe he didn’t take it that way. What if I somehow made things between us even worse?
Brooke stands up to embrace me. I hug her back as tightly as she hugs me. “Thank you,” she says. “That was awesome. You are awesome. I’ll always be here for you, no matter who else is coming or going. You know that, right?”
“Yeah,” I say around the lump that’s risen in my throat. “Same to you.”
The dessert tastes like sugary dust in my mouth. Brooke and Trevor get up to take their first dance as husband and wife. Will’s spot at the other end of the table remains vacant. I watch Trevor bow and Brooke set her hand in his, and fold my arms over the ache spreading through my abdomen.
That was it. My last chance. And apparently I blew it, again.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The elevator hums down toward the lobby. I look at my message history on my phone one last time, as if I don’t already have the last text I sent burned into my memory.
Just so there’s no misunderstanding, all the things I said in my toast about The One? That’s how I feel still feel about you. I don’t know how you’re feeling about me right now, or how you were before I fucked up, but that shouldn’t have mattered. I should have been honest. I’m sorry.
With a ping, the elevator door opens. I wheel my suitcase out into the lobby. It’s busier than usual now that check-out time is closing in. I head to the desk to turn in my key card and settle my account.
Helene waves me over from the regular line. “Special guest of the owner,” she says without a hint of irony. I’m not sure how I feel about this perk when the owner won’t even speak to me.
“Is Will around?” I can’t help asking.
She shakes her head. “Mr. Cassidy had to leave on an earlier flight than he expected this morning.”
Ah. So he’s outright fled the country. Nice work, Ruby.
“Thank you again,” I say, with more grace than I think I managed last night. “For your advice about honesty. You were absolutely right.” Even if I didn’t get a response, I’m glad I laid it all out there. At least I know I gave it my best shot.
Helene gives me a small but warm smile. “You’re welcome. I wish you a smooth trip home.”
I’m outside waiting when Brooke appears. “Ruby! Were you going to sneak off without saying goodbye?”
I grab her in a hug. “I didn’t want to interrupt you less than twenty-four hours into your honeymoon! It’s not as if I won’t see you back in LA in a bit.”
She laughs and squeezes me back. “We’ve got another five days for the official honeymoon. We’ll have plenty of couple time.” When she steps away, her eyes are concerned. “You and Will seemed kind of awkward yesterday. Is everything okay?”
“Not really,” I admit. “But, I mean, I thought we were going to be done at this point anyway, so . . .”
“What happened?”
I shrug. “It’s a long story. Another misunderstanding. We seem to be very good at getting our wires crossed. And he hasn’t been interested in talking to sort it out.”
Brooke’s brow knits. “Do you want to give it another try? I could go find him—I’ll make him hear you out.”
I have to smile at her tenacity. “He’s already left. And I’ve already said everything I could. If that’s not good enough, then, so be it. There’ll be other guys.”