“You saw…Jason?”
I strive to keep my voice neutral, but it must not work very well because she comes back with, “You don’t get to judge me on this. I’m still your mother and I have to do what I think is right!”
No one could ever possibly think that her seeing Jason is okay. Not after all the times he’s manipulated her, lied to her, hurt her. Still, I try to pick my words carefully, not wanting to spook her or make her regret telling me. The last thing any of us need is Jason running around unchecked in my mother’s head. “I thought, after what happened last time, we agreed that you weren’t going to see him anymore.”
“I wasn’t. But then he wrote me and…” She sounds broken and defensive and I figure I’m not the only one in the family to give her a hard time about this. Not when my father was so adamant about keeping the two of them apart. About not letting my mother have anything to do with him anymore.
“You know he’s just pulling you back in, right? That he doesn’t actually care about you.” The words are hard for her to hear and just as hard for me to say. But my brother is what he is. When my mom hides from that, when she tries to pretend that he’s capable of changing, he isn’t the one who gets hurt. She is.
“You don’t know that.”
“Actually, I do know it. I have a bunch of degrees and a couple fancy titles that say I do.” Fuck, that sounded flip and that’s the last impression I want to give her right now. She gets enough shit from Jason and my dad. She doesn’t need to get it from me, too. “Look, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for—”
“He wants to see you.”
“Me? That’s a new one.” Again, what the actual fuck is going on here? Jason never wants to see me, never has anything to say to me because he doesn’t like what I have to say to him. Likes even less the fact that I see his bullshit, and him, for what it is.
“I think you should go, let him explain.”
“You know that’s not going to happen, right? At this point, there’s nothing he has to say that I want to hear. Things are what they are and him trying to spin it with a thousand new lies isn’t going to make me view the past any differently.”
“He disagrees. The least you can do is hear him out.”
“Now, see, that’s where you’re wrong,” I snap as I shove a frustrated hand through my hair. “Because I’m pretty sure the least I can do is pretend that we’ve never met.”
She gasps. “You don’t mean that.”
“I mean exactly that, and you know it.”
“You’re so unyielding about this, just like your father.”
“Somebody has to be, especially when you keep buying all the bullshit he’s selling.” I’m full on pacing now, practically wearing a path in the hotel room carpet with how fast—and how many times—I’m walking back and forth between the two farthest walls.
“You help so many other people. I don’t understand why you won’t even think about helping him. You won’t even give him a chance to explain—”
“Because I can’t help him—and more, I won’t. There’s nothing for him to explain, no justification he can use that will negate the fact that—” My phone alarm goes off, signaling that it’s time for me to get ready for Veronica’s party. I don’t know if I should be annoyed or if I should give thanks that it’s getting me out of this very sticky situation.
I take a deep breath, let it out slowly. “Look, Mom, I love you, but you know this subject isn’t open for discussion. I’m not going to see him, I’m not going to talk to him or listen to any arguments you have about this—”
“You’re being unreasonable!”
“I’m pretty sure I’m the only one in this conversation who is being reasonable. Have you talked to Dad? What does he say?”
She makes a dismissive sound. “You know your father. He’s completely unyielding about Jason.”
“Because he needs to be. That should tell you something, Mom. If neither Dad nor I think you should have anything to do with him, then maybe you should really think about why that is.”
“You don’t know him anymore. He’s changed—”
“He’s incapable of changing! He’s a narcissist and he totally lacks a conscience. All the sweet talk in the world isn’t going to change those two facts.”
“I’m not saying he’s perfect. I’m saying that after all this time, he wants to mend fences. He’s hoping for a relationship with us—”
“Bullshit. He’s reaching out to you because he wants something. I don’t know or care what it is, but I guarantee you, that’s what this is about. And this isn’t just your son talking, either. This is my professional opinion. You need to stay away from him.”
“You don’t know that—”