Slowly, she ran her hand down his chest and stomach to his lap.
“Red,” he rasped, his gaze drifting down to watch her hand rub and grip for just a moment. God, he was a delicious handful. Eyes back on the road, Caden shook his head and grabbed her hand, holding it in a ball against his chest. “I’m not chancing wrecking with you in the car.” He threw her another one of those red-hot glances. “But you better believe we’re revisiting this later.”
*
Caden knew what Makenna was doing. For the past two and a half hours, she’d kept him talking non-stop. About his work. About tattoos. About Christmas. She’d teased him and made him laugh and generally kept his mind off of where they were going and what he was about to do—namely, meet her family. Which, of course, meant that she realized how anxious he was. And wasn’t that a complete pisser.
Both because he didn’t want her having to worry about such a thing and because she was right.
Following her directions, he veered off the highway into a suburb just south of Philadelphia.
“It’s less than fifteen minutes from here,” she said, excitement plain in her voice.
Caden nodded and tried like hell to ignore the tensing of his shoulders, the clenching of his gut, and the tightening of his chest. And man how he hated just how familiar these reactions were. Since the accident that had killed half of his family and left him alone with a bitter, angry, broken shell of a father at fourteen, Caden’s body had always responded to stress this way. Working with a therapist years ago, he’d conquered the worst of his PTSD and anxiety and he had some techniques for battling the latter when it hit, but he couldn’t stop it from happening or make it go away altogether.
Caden could never just be normal.
Something he could tolerate when it just impacted himself, but he hated it for Makenna’s sake.
Holding the steering wheel in something close to a death grip, he silently counted backwards from ten, trying to remember his breathing techniques, trying to keep from freaking the fuck out before they even arrived. The last thing he wanted to do was embarrass Makenna in front of her family. Or embarrass himself.
It was vitally important that they like him—that they accept him—too.
Because Caden was falling for Makenna. Hard. Hell, he’d already loved her at least a little that first night they’d spent together. She’d kept him from having a full-on panic attack while trapped in that dark elevator, which had represented pretty much every one of his worst nightmares. And when she’d invited him in—to her home, to her bed, to her body for the first full night he’d ever spent in another person’s arms, he’d probably already fallen most of the rest of the way.
Now, after two months of being with her, after two months of not being alone in every way a person could be alone—because of her, Caden felt like he stood on the edge of a tall cliff. One more step and he’d be free-falling head-first into a precipice from which he’d never return.
And it scared the ever-living fuck out of him.
Because he knew all too well how quickly and unexpectedly those he cared for the most could be torn from him. In the blink of a goddamned eye. And he’d have absolutely no say in it whatsoever. He wouldn’t even see tragedy and heartbreak coming. Just like when he’d been fourteen.
Christ, Grayson. You’re not helping things right now.
He heaved a deep breath and forced his fingers to loosen around the wheel. No, thinking about losing Makenna wasn’t helping his state of mind at all.
“Hey,” she said, squeezing his thigh. “Thank you for coming home with me.”
The smile she gave him was so soft and pretty. It took the edge off of some of the anxiety building inside him. He could do this. He would do this. For her.
“You’re welcome. I appreciate you inviting me.” And he did. Despite all the churn in his head, it meant a lot that she’d wanted to be with him at Thanksgiving. It was nice not to be alone for once on a holiday. Hell, it was nice to be celebrating at all. His mom had always been the life of his family, and when she died, what was left of the Grayson family really died with her.
After she was gone, Caden’s house never saw another Christmas tree, never baked another turkey, and never had another Easter basket waiting on the dining room table on Easter morning. Even after he and Sean had been way too old for baskets and Santa, she’d still marked presents “from Santa” and filled baskets that she insisted the Easter Bunny had delivered.
So being included in Makenna’s family Thanksgiving celebration meant more than he could say.