He arched an eyebrow and nailed her with a stare.
“Okay, fine,” she said, setting her fork down. “I have some things I’d like to talk about, but I was trying to wait until we were done eating.”
Caden didn’t love the sound of that. He set his fork down, too. “What do you want to talk about?”
She heaved a deep breath, like she was bolstering herself for what she had to say. A boulder parked itself in his gut. “So, I have an idea. We’ve pretty much been living together for the last two-plus months, right?” He nodded, wariness clawing over his skin. “And I’ve been wondering why you’re keeping your place because you’re always here—which I love, but it’s a waste of money, really. But when I was at your house the other night, it occurred to me that if we were going to think about fully moving in together, it would make more sense to move into your house since it’s bigger. And then I’d get rid of this place.” The words spilled out of her in a rush.
He stared at her for a long moment, his brain struggling to catch up, to process. “You want to move into the townhouse with me?”
“Well.” Makenna gave a shy little shrug, one that revealed just how much she wanted it. “I’ve just been thinking about it.”
Caden swallowed around a constriction in his throat. She wanted to move in together. Permanently. For a moment, it felt like maybe there wasn’t enough air, but he forced a couple of deep breaths. The idea wasn’t that big of a deal since they’d pretty much been living together. Right? Though, it took things to a whole other level. And it also took away his ability to retreat into his own space if he fell apart like he had this weekend. That realization sunk tension deep into his shoulders.
“Makes sense, I guess,” he managed. “Let’s think about it and decide what’s best.”
She twisted her lips. “Okay,” she said. “It just doesn’t seem to make as much sense to keep a smaller place when you have such a nice house right by where you work.”
He braced his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together. And tried to ignore the pool of anxiety threatening to bubble up inside him. “Although it’s further away from yours.”
“True, but I don’t mind,” she said, her hands fidgeting on the table top.
“Well, like I said, let’s think about it. Your place is a lot homier than mine.”
Makenna smiled and waved a hand. “That’s just because you haven’t decorated much. But once we moved some of my furniture in and maybe did some painting and hung some pictures, your place would be homey, too. Your townhouse is great, Caden.”
Tightness parked itself in the center of his chest. Why was she pushing on this right now? And why did it make him feel like the walls were closing in on him? “Okay,” he said, picking up his plate and getting up from the table. “Dinner was great, by the way. Thank you.” He walked into the kitchen, needing space so he didn’t flip out when his stress really had nothing to do with her or her idea. He was just in a bad fucking place to be thinking about permanence, which made him feel like an asshole.
She followed him. “Gah, I’m going about this all wrong.”
“Going about what?” he said, that rock getting a little bigger in his gut.
Makenna closed the distance between them, her hands falling on his chest, her baby blues looking up at him with so much affection. For a moment, she appeared to struggle for words, and then she said, “God, I’m being a tongue-tied idiot right now.”
“Whatever you have to say, just say it,” he said, dread prickling like ice all down his spine. Her unusual nervousness spiked the anxiety inside him and tightened the knot in his chest, making his breathing shallow out.
“Okay. Here goes. Caden, I…I love you. I love you so much that I can barely remember my life before you. I love you so much that I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ve been dying to tell you, but I know we haven’t been together that long. Though, to me, the number of weeks that I’ve known you feels completely meaningless to how attached my heart has become,” she said, her voice urgent and so damn earnest. “I love you. And I’m in love with you. That’s what I really wanted to say.”
He heard the words as if through a long tunnel. They came to him slow and detached, as if his brain had to translate them from some other language to one he could understand, to one he could trust.
Makenna loved him.
Makenna had said the words. Words her actions had been communicating for weeks. Hell, maybe more.
The gates that held back the darkness in his psyche had been badly battered the past few days, and hearing her declaration destroyed what was left of them. All his fears, all his doubts, all his insecurities came rushing forth until he was drowning, suffocating, going under fast.